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"Nice Guy" Syndrome

Merc

Problematic Shitlord
V.I.P.
I see a lot of this these days and it's just painful. It's basically this affliction where sexually inexperienced men seem to think that as long as they are nice and available to women at all times, they're eventually going to be rewarded. Problem is, in my opinion, you need to be a bit more proactive when seeking out companionship, you can't lay back and wait for things to work out.

Guys, do you need to be a pisshead to get female attention? No. Would you sleep with your mom? Okay, then why would she sleep with a guy acting like her brother?

Have you seen this in action before? Were you ever a 'nice guy'? What changed?
 

Crouton

Ninja
V.I.P.
I've seen so many nice guys on the internet that it's not even funny. Well, actually it is funny.

Something I see quite a lot is a "nice" guy who turns into a complete ass the second a woman declines them. Whatever happened to just respecting her decision and taking it in your stride. There's whole websites dedicated to posting screenshots of conversations that are basically:

Nice guy: Hey girl you're so pretty do you want to talk? I'm a really nice guy and I think you look really cute.

Girl: Sorry I'm not interested.

Nice guy: Yeah well fuck you bitch go die in a hole you fucking cunt.

SO many times I see this haha. It's amazing how quickly these "nice" guys change their complete personality the second someone denies them.
 

Merc

Problematic Shitlord
V.I.P.
Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyep.

That is the exact kind of thing I was thinking. You would think that most people would have enough intelligence or strong enough perception to realize that people who brag about being nice, never are.
 

dDave

Well-Known Member
V.I.P.
I guess this is one of those times when it's good not to be the nice guy.

I've seen this happen in real life a lot more than I've seen it happen on the internet (but I have seen it happen on the internet as well). It really doesn't make any sense to me. Why not just be nice? What purpose does it serve to turn into a jerk? Honestly, the lack of class that a lot of men these days show is pretty disturbing.
 

Crouton

Ninja
V.I.P.
We should all remember how serious a turn nice guy syndrome can take. Even though most of these guys are just sad and pathetic, or laughable even, some can be genuinely scary.

In particular I am talking about Elliot Rodger. The "nice guy" who eventually went on a killing spree because no girls would date him. Here is a guy who had such a twisted view of the word through his nice guy goggles that he wished to punish any girls who rejected him, and any men who were sexually active since he wasn't.

Since he was wealthy and had a white appearance he saw himself as better than anyone else, better than blacks, better than asians etc, which was obvious in his spree where he killed only females and asian men, no other white men.



This is really the scary side of nice guy syndrome and we can only hope that it doesn't happen again any time soon.
 

Hilander

Free Spirit
Staff member
V.I.P.
Some people put on an act of niceness to get what they want. Let something happen that's not going their way and you will see the real person.
 

Stego

Registered Member
Nice-guy-ness is a tactic for some and a disease for others.

Fewer papers have been written about men's changing gender roles than women's in the past 100-some-odd years, so I don't think enough men have the emotional vocabulary to express themselves or properly self-identify in a way that resolves confusion or apprehension.

That being said, there's a difference between being nice and being walked over.

My S.O. and I took notice of each other for being "nice" but martyrdom doesn't sustain a relationship so we also keep working at it along with lots of discussion. I let myself get walked over haaaaaaaaaaard in a previous relationship and learned my lesson.

When a guy uses it as a tactic and it fails, they basically just rage-quit. It's like watching a vending machine that only takes euros refuse a crisp dollar bill from a person who is frothing at the mouth and starting to smash the plexiglass. Much of the time I think the frustration comes from these guys thinking that women are complete and utter idiots who should be easier to fool. Even more of them have self-esteem issues from previous emotional damage and are lashing out against these girls at the slightest hint of rejection.

Then there are your run of the mill sociopaths.
 

Shooting_Palanx

The Rock is cooking atm..
I would genuinely consider myself a nice guy with a good heart. I honestly do believe that if youre nice enough to a girl and become their friend, that it can work out for you if you ask them out. This is personally from my experience :) It probably doesnt always work out, but still its worth trying. I am so totally with the proactive part of being the nice guy though.
 

thegreatone1964

Registered Member
If you are truly a "nice guy" then quite often you believe that you can be nice and caring and friendly and a girl/woman will want to date you. That is generally not true. Most women want guys who are either really good looking or really charismatic (or, as people get older, really wealthy). Quite often a good looking guy can be a bigger jerk than a less good looking guy, because the uglier guy needs to act better to have people want to be around him. But even assuming equal looks, my experience is that women are attracted to a big expressive personality and image. That is basically the opposite of the "nice guy" persona (which is quieter and tends to want to blend in and not offend).

Between age 14 and 21, I was a nice guy. After age 21, I determined that if you want a woman to date you that you need to be very outgoing, very obvious, and at least provide the impression that they should want to date you because you have something to offer. After age 21 - never had any problem getting a date. And after age 21 my looks have become far, far worse.
 

The_Chameleon

Grandmaster
I've been too passive sometimes with respect to women I was attracted to. Particularly when I was younger. It wasn't so much a case of acting like their mother, but just taking too long to express an interest beyond simple friendship and ending up stuck in the "friend zone". I found it hard to gauge womens preferred level of assertiveness and have noticed it can range quite a bit from one woman to another. Although I've found not wanting to come on too strong has led to ending up in the friend zone than being overly assertive has led to a loss of interest. I can certainly understand some guys not wanting to push their luck when it comes to a woman they are especially infatuated with, but the choice really is to roll the dice and make your attraction known sooner rather than later, or try to establish a deeper base beforehand and risk being typecast as her "bud". Generally I tend to go for the former and it usually works out better.

Few things suck on the level of having a superhottie you've been spending time with and that you have a mega-crush on tell you that she's come to think of you as "just a friend". Better to run the risk of being perceived as a little "too eager", if you play your cards right she might become a little too eager as well, at which point she won't mind if you are. :)



- Cham
 
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