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Need relationship advice x.X

EarthGirl

Registered Member
I've recently met this guy. The first time we met I didn't really like him and I told him that before starting a romantic relationship we ought to be friends. Yup, friends before lovers.
Thing is he kinda likes me. In fact, he's crazy about me and buys me tiny stuffs on a regular basis. Well, he's trying to get me to love him. He told me he waits for me to give him a sign that I want to enter in a serious relationship with him. Truth is that I'm kind of distant and cold towards him. I know that he's a good guy and he likes me and that, but something inside me says 'NO'. It's just this feeling that he isn't 'the one'. There simply is no chemistry between me and him. I've always wanted a guy near me who would love me, now that i have one, I can't bring myself to like him back. :cry: I keep on telling him that 'I need time'. This is because I've had some bad experiences with some guy and I'm afraid to repeat the same mistakes.

I just don't know what to do about it. I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to enter in this sort of relationship with him either. It is just the fact that I don't like to make people suffer. -sigh- And he's kinda depressive if you ask me. We go to the same psychologist and he had some serious issues in the past.

I just can't find the courage to tell him that it's not going to work out, because I'm not even convinced that it's not going to work out if I try.
I'm in a slump.
I know that relationships should be built over time and it takes time to even get used to someone... This is why I need an advice.

Because if I want to be with someone, I want to be able to love them as well.
 

Bliss

Sally Twit
If the spark isn't there for you, you can't force it. You should just be honest with him because the longer you let him do this the harder it will be for him when this whole thing comes to an end. If he thinks that buying you gifts will make you fall in love with him then he has a lot to learn.

I think you're distant because you don't feel the same way. You're lying to yourself and you're lying to him. And that's not good for either of you.

The thing is, you shouldn't need to try. It should be there for you. Nobody should need to work at a relationship so early on. And if you're having problems now then you'll probably continue to have problems later on.

Just be honest with yourself and be honest with him.
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
It's all about time. To be fair to him, you might give him some concrete timeframes. Like suggest you guys hang out as "friends" for 6 months, and after that talk more about if it can be more serious. Simply, you can't make yourself have feelings for him. It will develop if it's meant to... otherwise you both have to accept that forcing it won't work.
 

Unity

Living in Ikoria
Staff member
I was getting ready to post and then I read Bliss' response...I pretty much double what she says. Honesty is the best policy, and he (and you) deserves to have the truth about your feelings out there.

Unfortunately, you can't negotiate with your heart about loving someone. If it's not there, it's not there.

The last line really stood out to me...if you love someone, you'll love them. Period. You won't have to talk yourself into it.

Sorry that you're in a tough situation, and best of luck.
 

EarthGirl

Registered Member
Thing is that I've been in this kind of situation before - same thing happened. He fell in love with me and I couldn't fall for him. I just couldn't. Left him and it appears that he was devastated. We've got involved alot though before I made that decision.

I hope this guy will accept the situation better, given that we haven't even started anything romantic yet. I wanted to tell him something yesterday, but I couldn't. It's a bit hard to tell him knowing that he likes me so much, younno. v.v
 

Swiftstrike

Registered Member
Yeah, this guy sounds like he has no idea what it means to try to start a relationship. Sometimes guys do think things can change with a girl though. And sometimes they do I know several girls who are now in relationships with guys that they were not initially interested in.

ANYWAYS

Just tell him that you are not interested and never will be.

Crush his soul.

YouTube - ‪So you're saying there's a chance‬‏
 

Merc

Problematic Shitlord
V.I.P.
This kind of suffocation is a major red flag.

Let him down and move on. You may not want to, but if he's this suffocating without being your boyfriend, imagine what will happen the first time you forget to text him after a night out, or how he'll respond to you having a male friend, etc. He's moving way too fast and blocking you off. If he can't understand that, then you're better off just moving on and not looking back because you can't be happy with someone like that.
 

EarthGirl

Registered Member
Well, i know what happens. If I don't respond to his messages in the course of 2 hours, he WORRIES about me so badly. He thinks I died or something. o.o I told him that I hate texting and he knows it. Texting on the phone is time-consuming for me. And when he wants something from me, he's very insistant. It drives me nuts.

I'd still want us to be friends, but no more than that.

I'll go meet him today, hopefully, and tell him that it's not gonna happen. v.v
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
Yeah just be frank to him. If he doesn't understand/accept then his problem. Keep us up to date.

I guess he's expecting too much, too soon.
 

EarthGirl

Registered Member
Well, I told him. He's not happy about it, but rather okay with it. We'll continue hanging out as friends.

It feels like something has been lifted off my heart.
 
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