Need Advice - SERIOUS ISSUE!!!

[Msbabedoll]

Ok first off I have wanted to get on here and talk about this ALL DAY, but they pick a dang day like this to throw ten thousand things on me to do!! So I"m gonna post this and come back later or possibly in the morning to read your responses.

I recently found out a family member has a problem with porn sites on the net. This came as a complete shock to me. It is a grown up, not a kid. And it's not just going every once in a blue moon cause your curious of whats on there..........its a VERY often occurance and has been going on for a LONNNGGG time.

I talk to this family members wife and she is also floored at this. She caught him at the wee hours of the morning a few nights ago and then he tried to hide it from her. She wants to get a spy software thing to monitor what is going on, on their computer at home, I'm not so sure if that is a good idea. She is also now feeling very unsecure about herself............she says that if she was everything he wanted, then why must he look at porn?

I'm lost as to what to say to help..............so i'm turning to my best phychos......opps mean phyciatirsts! You guys!!!

Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

 

[SamusAran86]

first off, It is a addiction to some people... they just cant help themselves...

Secondly... it could be just a thing where hes not getting it enough at home and he is looking for other outlets...

Thirdly, if its the first option, that person needs help.. if its the second option, they both need help...

Overall, someone needs help in that group... most likely both.

 

[Msbabedoll]

Thanks for your input, I think it is the first of the two. Women we talk about this stuff (ummm our sex lives that is) and believe me, he's getting more than most men!

I just dont' understand it myself...........

 

[AngelsPeak]

Jenn, I'm on my way to a soccer game...oh joy!!! I'll be on with my 2 cents in the morning if ya don't mind waiting!!

 

[AngelsPeak]

Soccer game was cancelled due to severe storms!! Yippeeee!!! So I actually got to eat dinner with the family for the first time in ages...just need to do the dishes...hold on.......okay, all the wrappers are thrown away...:lol: ....didn't actually think I cooked did ya?? Now before I head back to the HH, which by the way ANDREW......I have 3D pic's to post...are you going to fix that or what?????
Sorry (wandering mind) back on topic....now I know this is going to make a few people mad at me, but remember we all view life differently. I know for a fact that my husband sometimes visits those sites (computer history) he doesn't do it often, and I really have no problem with it. I think it's human nature to be curious.
On the other hand, if he did it all the time, I would definately have concerns...there's curiosity, then there's addiction...has she talked to him about this at all?? If so what does he say....and tell her it has nothing to do with not being satisfied with her!!!!

BTW...I broke my toe today...lil' sympathy please!! Now it's back to the goblins for me.....tomorrows opening night!!

 

[Mr_Snipes]

I think that they should both go. Addiction to porn is a very difficult addiction to break. Until he admits that it is an addiction and really wants to stop, he is not going to. She also needs to go because of how she feels. She needs to get her feeling about this out in the open and they need to talk about this and how it affects their relationship. If it isn't taken care of soon, it could cause serious side effects for their marriage.

 

[Roland_Jenkins]

Could be a lot of reasons why he looks at porn. Another one not mentioned thus far is, the same reason some married men go to a prostitute. Has nothing to with the quantity or the quality of what he gets at home.

I know guys don't want to admit to masturbating and I don't want to be obscene but for some men, the sex is better and less complicated. Hope this helps

 

[Nanner]

And it's not just going every once in a blue moon cause your curious of whats on there..........its a VERY often occurance and has been going on for a LONNNGGG time.

This is the part that would concern me. Has/does my hubby look at porn. You betcha. Do I like it? Course not. I'm his wife. (then again I go see male strippers once a yr so can't complain too much ) BUT....it's a rare thing and as far as I know it's been ages. If he knew how to use a puter would he be looking? Probably on occasion. It's the how often and why so often thingy. Also there is the wife and how much she cares that's as important. Some wives wouldn't care and some very much. Obviously this mans little "hobby" is more than his wife is comfortable with and the VERY often would bug me too. The wee hours of the morning and sneeking around is also a problem. If my hubby was on the puter (we're assuming he knows how to use one here...work with me on this ) and on a porn site he'd be going "come here....look at this....." I'd slap him upside the head, tell him to do something useful and that'd be it. Or if I asked him what he was doing he'd give me the evil man grin and say "nothing". Again....I'd slap him upside the head and tell him to do something useful and that'd be it. No sneeking in the middle of the night. Of course this is taken from my experience and relationship not theirs. I tend to agree that maybe they both need to try some counceling. Him alone and also the couple together. Also like Angel asked....have they talked about this and what was said? That may give some clues into what's going on.

Wish them luck in solving whatever IS going on! Keep us updated will ya?

 

[Msbabedoll]

Yes they have talked about it. He has admited to having this problem for a long time. Not sure how much he goes to look, but she asked him was it everyday and he said no and she asked him was it weekly and he said yes, and she asked did he look at work and he said yes........sooooooooooooo

*sigh* big problems I think.........

 

[Nanner]

Does he see it as a real problem or just a problem cuz his wife isn't happy with him?