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Need advice, help!!

sugar_lump

Registered Member
I've been with my partner for 3 and a half years, we have a house and a 2 year old daughter.
He cheated on me at the very beginning of our relationship, we got over it and i've learned to trust him again. He is fantastic provider and works full time to pay all the bills. I work part time myself.
Recently I've become very bored with my partner, he doesn't seem to want to spend time with us and just wants to play on his computer all the time when he isn't working. He doesn't want to go out with me either, when I manage to drag him out he just moans about stuff. I've talked him twice about this, to no avail, I really don't think he is going to change. We are both 27 and i'm just not ready to get old yet.
I've been going out a lot recently with friends as I love going out and socialising and always have. He wants to get married and start trying for another baby, the things is that i've got to decide whether or not to I want to spend the rest of my life with a boring old man.
I have found myself so tempted to cheat with this other man who has been giving me attention even though I know exactly how painful it is for the other person as well. I love him and my little family so much, I just don't know what to do at the moment.
Please don't judge me, I am not a bad person. This is the first time i've felt like this.
Advice would be grateful, thank you x
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
Wow! Boredom in a couple must be very stressful!!!

I think it'd be good to talk it over and over again and if there's a final decision on his part that he won't change then you might consider breaking up, although there's a baby in the middle of all this.
Put it this way. If you decide to get married to this boring man, have more kids...and so on...and if he doesn't change his ways towards you..then sooner or later you will cheat on him. It will be inevitable. You should do something to make him come back in the "game" again. He should feel afraid to lose you because they way he's behaving doesn't sound like he is afraid to lose you.

He's taking you for granted. :S
 

ysabel

/ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5
Hi, like I've said in your previous threads 2008, 2010, 2011, all I see are red flags in your relationship and I'm surprised you're still with this person. Even if there wasn't that history, from your OP I feel that it's a mistake to settle with this person. Except for the cheating part, he sounds like my exH. And believe me it's logistically easier to leave a boyfriend than a husband. You're young. Leave and go live.
 

sugar_lump

Registered Member
Hiya, we did actually split up for a while (cos of the trust issue), when we got back together a few months later things definitely were better. He proved his love and commitment and there has been no trust issues at all since. It just seems a shame to throw it all away when we have come so far and worked through things. It's such a shame he has become boring. I just don't know what more to say to him to make him get it, perhaps i've been too subtle I don't know.
 

Bliss

Sally Twit
Please don't cheat. If the temptation is too much to handle then you have to end your relationship. A break up would be so much easier.
If you can't fix this and you've been unhappy for some time then you have to be honest with yourself and each other.
What I would suggest is discussing this and trying to meet each other half way. He enjoys his time alone and you enjoy your time out. Maybe get him to agree on certain days of the week where you do something as a couple and also allow him to have his time on the computer. Some people need to have their own space in order to function but it doesn't mean they need to cut you out of their life.

You have a child so you should be doing activities as a family as well. Just talk it through and if there's no fixing this then you have to walk away. Your child will suffer as well if you don't.
 

sugar_lump

Registered Member
I'm not going to cheat, I will end it before it comes to that.
We have had a series of serious talks without getting heated or argumentative and things have most definitely improved. He comes home from work and kisses me, thanks me for doing things for him (rather than just expecting them) and has even suggested going for a weekend away without our daughter. We will see how we get on but the temptation to cheat as gone away as the person who was giving me that attention has sort of disappeared.
We've been together for some time so I guess these sort of things are inevitable . Any problems we have had in the past are as good as forgotten, we both trust each other and we are taking it one day at a time. We wont start trying for another baby or plan the wedding until we both feel 100% ready to do so.
Thanks for your advice guys xx
 

Jeanie

still nobody's bitch
V.I.P.
I don't think you're a bad person. The temptation to cheat when you're getting something from someone that your partner is failing to give you is natural.

I agree with Bliss; meet each other halfway, and do family things together. Relationships take work and compromise. If he doesn't want to lose you, then he has to work to keep you. If he's not willing to do it, then you deserve better.

Good luck.
 
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