my thoughts

#1
Users of GF,

So here is the deal. Im active duty military, and i work in the maintenance field for the United States Air Force. I really cant talk to anyone how i feel at work cause we are 'Maintainers". I dont know how many plumbers, electricians, or who ever reads this and is the maintaince work field, but we are not in a "tell me how you feel" kinda job. I was a plumber for about 4 -5 years before military and in those 5 years i was also an electrician. I could never not work with my hands. Its the best feeling in the world to look at a job you did and think to yourself, "wow i did that". Im getting of subject here.

Lately ive been feeling a bit depressed. I dont know why. Maybe at the end of this ill have a better idea. Maybe its money. Im 23 years old and i have my own apartment and 2 cars.. and 11 dollars in the bank. Barely made my rent this month and the money is free. Like the Gov't pays for me to live here. So now i see i am unable to deal with fiances. (is that the right word??) But I also have something to show for. Well to fix this problem I have decided to move back on base to not have to worry about paying some old German dude money... It sucks cause he dosent speak english

:sigh::sigh:

I kinda just want to be alone sometimes.. Not deal with anyone. Not talk to anyone. just take a couple days and stare at the wall. Maybe lie on my floor and stare at the ceiling. I want this mood to pass by like a rainstorm. But its comes more often than it goes. Just need some me time and not peoples time. Sick of trying to impress people and trying to make people happy. And a lot of people say that, "trying to make people happy" but i really am. Im a Newbie at my job. I work Heavies. c130 Hercs. I climb in the wing on planes and when im not doing that i spot for people who are in the wings and make sure they dont die doing there job. But i have to learn and show that im learning. I have to continue to impress people with my knowledge of my job. Now yo may ask yourself.. "well no shit", "your getting paid to know your job", well that maybe true.. actually it is true. But when you just come from out of Tech school and have dragonfly wings on your arm (a1c, meaning im the low guy on the pole) you have to show that you are smart. You have to pull you own weight. And if you dont make a place for yourself, peoples will make it for you. And trust me.. you dont want that.. I dont want that. And this shit is hard. I have 5 guys under me. Im about to rank up and im actaully making a name for myself. But everyday i take 5 steps forward and 3 backwards...

Atleast this is how i feel. Im always stressing. Always worrying. always thinking about what to do next and how much money i have... Im really always worrying. about the little things.. about the big things. and im pissed off at myself.. All through basic training. My best friend (till this day) is my boy Blue from Boston. We are like brothers. and we started like that in basic. He always told me not to worry so much. Like everyday. im not just saying he said it all chill like.. he would literally sit me down when lights were out and tell me not worry. he knew that i was a worry wort. Like to the extreme.. and it pissed him off.

well thoughts? even though i may have answered all my questions....