My temper is pushing her away.

[ejpt]

Hey guys,

This is really my first post so please don't judge me. I'm posting this because I know I need some proper adult to adult advise.

I'm 24 and I like to have a drink now and again. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years and I think my temper is really pushing her away.

Last night I had a few drinks with mates and I guess it's fair to say I can't handle my drink. I'm not an excessive drinker, I'm not out every weekend getting drunk its just when I do drink I become very defensive and It brings out this bad side to me that I hate. I lost my temper last night on the phone to my girlfriend over NOTHING and I ended up making her cry, this unfortunately isn't the first time it's happened. She is such a wonderful person and I know I don't deserve her and I know she doesn't deserve this crap from me.

I've decide that from here on out I'm not going to drink any more. But I think it might be to late to try and patch things up with my girlfriend as I think last night was the last straw for her. I feel so guilty, I feel so crap and all I think about is her at home, upset and hurt because of my childish actions.

 

[Major]

Regardless of what happens with your relationship I think not drinking anymore is for the best, for you and everyone around you, if you can't control your emotions.

 

[ejpt]

I think you're right mate.

Just hope its not to late

 

[Oooh_snap]

I wish I had some really solid advice for you, but I'll help where I can.

Dealing with someone with a temper or pessimism is really hard. It isn't that it the person being lashed out with ends up with their feelings hurt and feel like they are worthless, it is that any negativity pushes people away. It is hard to be happy and optimistic all of the time, but negativity makes other people miserable in general.

The best you can do at this point is give her the most sincere apology that you possibly can. Don't promise her you are going to change, stop drinking, or stop lashing out unless you really are going to. Broken promises will only make things even worse. I think you know what you are doing wrong, and that is the first step. Changing is the hard part, but if she is worth it, you can do it.

Although I think the first thing you truly need to do is say you are sorry. Approach her first and call her specifically to let her know you feel terrible about what you did. She may not forgive you, but it sounds like she deserves an apology.

 

[ejpt]

I wish I had some really solid advice for you, but I'll help where I can.

Dealing with someone with a temper or pessimism is really hard. It isn't that it the person being lashed out with ends up with their feelings hurt and feel like they are worthless, it is that any negativity pushes people away. It is hard to be happy and optimistic all of the time, but negativity makes other people miserable in general.

The best you can do at this point is give her the most sincere apology that you possibly can. Don't promise her you are going to change, stop drinking, or stop lashing out unless you really are going to. Broken promises will only make things even worse. I think you know what you are doing wrong, and that is the first step. Changing is the hard part, but if she is worth it, you can do it.

Although I think the first thing you truly need to do is say you are sorry. Approach her first and call her specifically to let her know you feel terrible about what you did. She may not forgive you, but it sounds like she deserves an apology.

I'm taking her out for dinner shortly to say sorry and to talk. She agreed to dinner so I guess thats a start. I could never ask for forgiveness for what I've done. But I certainly will show I will change and I am sorry for everything.

Thank you

 

[Oooh_snap]

That is great then. At least she is giving you the opportunity to show you are sorry. It is obvious to me how sorry you are, so I hope that you are able to show her that and that it is enough for her.

Good luck, let us know how it goes!

 

[ejpt]

I will let you know

Thanks for listening

 

[Zappa]

I was in kind of a similar situation back when I was engaged. Just be sincere, it sounds to me like you have the right attitude. Good luck tonight.

 

[Shwa]

It possibly is late if this has happened more than once, be weary...this dinner may be a big let down or a surprising outcome, it can go either way. Either she'll forgive you and hopefully you wont be a douche the next time you get sauce, or she'll just be fed up with it all and let you know she's done. Gotta prepare yourself for anything that can happen bud.

~Shwa

 

[EllyDicious]

I know I don't deserve her .

Here's the key. If you KNOW you don't deserve her and you love her enough as you say, just let her go. Why keep her tied to yourself when you are AWARE of what you've caused her so far and which could possibly happen again in the future.
If in the past you've promised her you'd never do this again, and you just did it...then chances are you'll still end up hurting her over and over again.