My Relationship :-/

[celane091609]

Hey Everyone!

I am still new to this site but I figured why would it hurt to post a thread. Me and my fiance have known each other this march being two years. We were friends from March of 2009 and started dating in September of 2009. I made a huge mistake and left him in January of last year. I was gone a total of one week and then I needed to be back with him. He took me back thank god, but then I found out that he had slept with his ex girlfriend, and some other girl in the week that I was gone. Now I know I can't be mad because we were broken up. But it still hurts a little is that normal? I mean I had chances while we were apart to sleep with another man but I couldn't do it because I loved him and still do sooo much. I mean I am over it all now I think but there were times when he would go out and I would think to myself is he cheating? Is this normal or am I just a nut case. I want to spend the rest of my life with him but that still sits in the back of my mind. Can someone give me either advise please?

 

[Major]

I think it's normal to be jealous of what he did while you weren't together since you still loved him. If you have to wonder if he's cheating on you, then you have some trust issues that need to be worked out. Relationships can't work without trust.

 

[celane091609]

Ya I do have some trust issues due to bad pasts. (relationships and parents)

 

[Dabs]

I'm sorry to hear celane.
Hopefully, you will be able to put in the past, these issues that are bothering you, and move onward and only think of the good that can come in the future.
And maybe you can learn to build your trust back up, because you have to have it.
Without trust, you can not have a good solid relationship.
Best of luck to you!

 

[Doc]

Celane, him sleeping with two girls while you were broken up is not a sign that he doesn't love you or isn't trustworthy. In all likleyhood he was hurt and lonley, too, and sought out the same kind of companionship most guys would.

You're having trust issues right now and, I think, the best thing for you to do is to be very open with him about it. Explain that you don't hold anything against him but you're feeling insecure. You'll want to talk to him about it calmly and rationally and make sure that you're not making any accusations. It's better to air your negative feelings with your partner than to let them fester.

After all, he trusted you enough to tell you that he had slept with two women. Why can't you trust him enough to let him know that you're feeling insecure?

 

[EllyDicious]

I totally understand you Celane. To be honest, I would feel very much hurt just like you felt when you first knew about it. I mean, what kind of man is one who sleeps with 2 girls as soon as I turn my back? I mean it was just 1 week for God's sake, couldn't he wait more?? It's not that there were months, there was just 1 week.
Him feeling lonely is no excuse. What if you two get married and have to live apart for a while, [for various reasons - school/job/training or whatever] does it mean you should sleep with other people because you feel lonely???
How come he was trying to forget you within the week by sleeping with 2 girls? [I know you were separated but still it hurts the thought that he couldn't wait like you did]. Someone who loves you runs after you and tries to work it out instead of sleeping with other people as soon as you turn your back.
Maybe I'm just too idealistic but that's how I see love and if I were you, I wouldn't justify his immediate hookup within a week of your break up.
Love is always patient.

 

[Sassycrax]

I agree with EllyDicious. One week and he goes off and does that? Because he was lonely? And with an ex? I use to date a guy who did this to me. We did not even break up, we just had a fight, then I would hear about him kissing another girl.

The problem however is that I am talking and reacting out of my personal experience and it is very wrong to compare your bf with the looser I used to date.

 

[redroses]

it is very normal for you too feel jelous about this, i know i would be hurt if someone did it too me after just one week, but the thing to remember is he only did this when yous were apart, he was probably upset, people often sleep around to get over someone (i dont agree with this method but i have friends that say its the best way to get over someone, by getting under someone else) i think you should maybe tell him how your feeling and ask why he did what he did, im sure he will put your mind at rest. You need to learn to trust him again, but he needs to remember that he has to earn your trust again.