My own Prince…

#1
My own Prince…
Exhausting from your Torment
Ablaze from your Confusion
How to get Lethargy…
While see your Insomnia
I'll donate you my River
To irrigate your Bosom
I'll plant Trust's Bloom
In your grove land
My own Price… you're the Life
I won't to respire but your Breath
You're my smile's secret, my Peace
And my homeland between your arms
Don't slip my hand from yours
Coz I unaware your moorage
Take me to your dark night
As shining star in your Sky
To gleam your dark longing
And defeat your misery
Don't ever let the Alienation
Flirt your eye's tears
Sink me in your true love
And let me own your passion
 

Merc

Certified Shitlord
V.I.P.
#2
I'm sorry but . . . what?

A lot doesn't make sense here. I can see where you're trying to go in places, but otherwise I'm not sure. I'm assuming you may not be a native english speaker just because of some of the grammar and structure, but who knows maybe it's your style. I don't know, this just doesn't feel complete or comprehensible at it's current state.
 

Shaggy

Registered Member
#3
I'm sorry but . . . what?

A lot doesn't make sense here. I can see where you're trying to go in places, but otherwise I'm not sure. I'm assuming you may not be a native english speaker just because of some of the grammar and structure, but who knows maybe it's your style. I don't know, this just doesn't feel complete or comprehensible at it's current state.
Agreed...i can see what you're trying to do but i think the metaphors are overdone...i cant grasp what the metaphors mean...i like it though...just a little hard to wrap my head around...
 
#5
I'm sorry but . . . what?

A lot doesn't make sense here. I can see where you're trying to go in places, but otherwise I'm not sure. I'm assuming you may not be a native english speaker just because of some of the grammar and structure, but who knows maybe it's your style. I don't know, this just doesn't feel complete or comprehensible at it's current state.

HI CONSTANTINE



you are right i'm egyption so i write my poems in Arabic


i try to translate it to english


but i cared to focuses on the basic idea


Tried to show the literary Vision as i feel it

and i like to write my poems with Non-stereotyped

************


thanks for your kind passing


with my best regards​
 

Merc

Certified Shitlord
V.I.P.
#7
Egypt. Just check her intro thread.

It's a good start, don't get me wrong, it's just . . . heavy.
 
#8
I'm sorry but . . . what?

A lot doesn't make sense here. I can see where you're trying to go in places, but otherwise I'm not sure. I'm assuming you may not be a native english speaker just because of some of the grammar and structure, but who knows maybe it's your style. I don't know, this just doesn't feel complete or comprehensible at it's current state.

hi Constantine



you are right .... i'm egyption from cairo

so normally i write my poems in Arabic


this words was written by me in Arabic

and i translated it and posted here


Tried to focus on clarifying the meaning and image of poetry​

and i like to write with Non-traditional or Non-stereotyped
------
i think the metaphors are overdone

yes u right ...

i think that's the distinguishes the poem from the regular article


you should paints a vision in your mind when you read any poem

Poems transcend the spirit and make it more transparent​
 
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