Moving...

imnotcreative

Registered Member
#1
So, I'm 25 and I've lived in the same small town for nearly my whole life, except for the few years I was away at college.
In mid November I am moving 1600 miles away. I've got so many emotions going about this...I'm nervous as hell, but also extremely excited. I'm afraid it will blow up in my face and I will have to come back home. Even if I DO have to come back home, I have a place to come back to (I'm buying a house with a friend of mine, and I will still have my room here), and I am keeping my job because I'm just transferring it to a different store. I'm not packing up all my belongings, only the essentials. And I have a place to stay when I move, as well. I feel like I've got this pretty solidly planned out. Still nervous as hell, and I don't really have anyone to talk to about this...but my biggest problem is my mom. She's freaking out. She's been giving me such a hard time about this and she can't even have a conversation about it. If I bring it up, because I'm trying to calm her down as much as I can before the day I leave, she starts yelling and she's said some really uncalled for things. She is being especially unfair to the person I'm moving in with when I move, going as far as to blame him for me moving. I've wanted to live elsewhere for many years, and now I have the opportunity, so I want to jump on it.

I'm looking for advice, specifically on ways I can help calm my mom down about this. She's being completely unreasonable and unfair.
I'm also looking for any advice anyone has on how to calm myself down so that I'm not quite so nervous. I'm very excited about the opportunities I will have to see new things and places, and experience a new location. But how can I get my mom to calm down and see this as the exciting opportunity it is for me?
 
#2
You need to find a way to make her understand and remember that it is your life and you're moving forward. She should be happy and excited for you but clearly she's finding it very difficult to let go. Is there a reason you can give as to why that might be? Do you not cope well on your own, does she not have anyone else around her, etc?

Anyway, you try to bring it up, and she starts yelling. Soo I would suggest you write it all down somewhere or on a piece of paper and give it to her so she can read without interrupting you, think about it, and then say what she needs to say. Be sensitive but firm. Bottom line is you definitely need to have a rational discussion with her about this before you leave or it will be incredibly tough on her! Good luck :)
 

LifeinthePond

Mark ov teh Pond
#3
Well, it sounds like you and your mum are really close. Other than college, you've never officially left the nest. I am 25 as well and still live at home, and in the same city at that. I don't get out at all. It's enough to drive you crazy, I know.

Except my uhh, mum, has lots of friends and a busy social life. If I were to move away she'd probably go "It's about time, freeloader." Eh, different walks of life I guess. It sounds like you and your mom are so use to one another, that you may or may not have many friends on your own? It doesn't make any sense for her to be freaking out this much. She really feels abandoned. Still, you're not a little girl anymore and she's totally overreacting. I mean, this day was coming.

I know how it can be frustrating though. You probably want to tell your mum "Hey? STFU and let me talk." but you don't want to insult the woman because even if this move is 100% planned, there's always a chance it will fall through and you may end up needing to come back home after a few months. It's definitely best to leave on good terms. My advice is to seek help from another relative. Maybe an aunt, or uncle. Someone just as close to your mom and tell them to come sort that woman out, she's being crazy.
 

idisrsly

I'm serious
V.I.P.
#4
It sounds like you have covered all your bases. It can be very daunting moving out of house and home the first time, for both the one moving out and the one being left behind. As for your own fears, all I will say is JUST DO IT. You have a plan, which is good. Now you just need to do it. You will be fine. It sounds like you are more excited than afraid, so just keep that emotion and take this part of your life on with enthusiasm. Whether this move works out for you or not, you will gain a life experience, and that will be worth it, good or bad.

It sounds like your mother might be a little like my own mother. We are extremely close and she can be overly clingy at the best of times. We often also get in to fights about either me moving out or not coming to visit enough when I am not living at home, etc. I cannot really give you any other advise than to speak with her (or right a letter as suggested earlier) and try to give her assurance that you will be ok. She is probably worried about you and scared of being lonely without you. All you can do is assure her that this move does not mean that she loses you forever. And then make sure you do stay in contact once you are out.

Even with my mom being a lot like yours, I still moved to another country to live and work for 18 months. She came to visit me once and I went home for a visit once. We called each other often (once a week) and that was really that. I can promise you this - every day you are out will get a little easier for her. It's just a question of re-adjusting.

Good luck and congratulations on entering an exciting time in your life.
 

Hiei

The Hierophant
#5
I don't have any advise about your mom that'll be any different from what everyone has already said. Just be calm, cool, and collected as best you can be and remind her that this is your life to live. You understand that she's your mom and that she only wants the best for you, but she needs to cut the apron strings at some point.

That aside, I moved 2,200 miles away from where I used to live, a few years ago and that's an experience in and of itself. When you move to wherever you are going to move, I don't think anything is going to brace you for the realization that you don't know anyone where you are now. It's outstanding that you already have a job lined up so you don't have to worry about finding a job, but it's still crazy to realize that you don't know anyone. That's easily fixed, though. Just be a social kind of person and if your only friends are the friends you met at work, then so be it. It's a wonderful experience, but it's a tough one at that.

Also, when you move to wherever you go, you might want to buy a map and just drive around for awhile so that you get some kind of bearings on where your new home is in relation to everything else that's there.
 

Bubbles

I ♥ Haters
#6
Dude, I've been there. My mother reacted the same way when I told her I was moving to out for college. She made a big deal about me not being mature enough. I sat down and had a heart to heart with her. Just sit down and explain how its your life, and that you're only a phonecall away or something. My mom let me move out near our college campus if I promised to stay over on the weekends. Maybe you could level with her like that?
 

imnotcreative

Registered Member
#7
Wow, thanks, everyone for the advice and quick replies.

I've been trying to break her in little by little, but it doesn't seem to be helping. As I said, I am the youngest, and also the only girl. She and I are close, but my whole family is like that. My older brother is here with his wife and kids as well as my roommate who has been adopted into the family, essentially. She has friends and stays fairly busy, so it isn't like me leaving will cripple her social life. I don't live with my parents right now and haven't for years. We get along much better that way.
I do have a few friends where I am moving, which is nice, and they have expressed to me that other people with similar nerdy interests are excited for me to arrive, so that helps, too. I'm very afraid of not making friends easily, though I am a fairly outgoing, fun person.

I guess at this point, my biggest concern is about my moms reaction. I don't want to break her heart or make her cry, but it looks inevitable. I just wish I had her support...