Moving On

Discussion in 'Dating & Relationships' started by Chaos, May 18, 2010.

  1. Chaos

    Chaos Epic Gamer V.I.P. Lifetime

    Typically, when a relationship ends it usually involves one individual wanting the break-up and the other not. The second will often suffer for it (mutual break-ups notwithstanding), missing the other, being left with feelings and emotions, etc. In such cases, what are the best ways to move on? What are the best methods to forget about that person and get on with your life? Are there any easy solutions to just stop having feelings for someone?
     
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  2. Kibi

    Kibi Babeasaurus Sex

    For me personally I never forget them.

    I guess just each day becomes easier without them...after a while anyway.

    I've only been dumped once and he was my everything, I went a bit loopy really and was out at all hours got drunk all the time and refused to eat or sleep. I got over it eventually, when I actually sat down and let myself be upset for a bit, rather than trying to be this picture of happiness.
    Even when I've dumped people though it's really hurt me to. Same process I guess.

    My advice would be to allow yourself the time to grieve. Hurt for a while then you'll wake up one day and the pain will be dulled.

    I like to think my heart adds a layer when it "heals" and thats my new one to try again with, but I never lose the bit of me that was with the love I lost because that was ME.

    Oh I've rambled a bit...:lol: but yeah...

    :)
     
  3. EllyDicious

    EllyDicious made of AMBIGUITY V.I.P. Lifetime

    I remember we had this thread before.
    I can't give an answer from experience, because I've had no experience so far.. but I GUESS the best thing would be to start doing what you couldn't do while you were in the relationship. Do the things you wanted to do but couldn't.
    I think engaging yourself in different activities, going out with friends, dedicating more time to yourself ...would really help.

    Also, reading a lot of books is great! Books make you think about other things, make your brain work on its story rather than think about your own story.
     
  4. Hiei

    Hiei The Hierophant

    I've never quite understood why people need to remove each other from their lives when they break up. If you just talk things out and set up boundaries, you can be much happier. Even though I realized that my ex and I weren't right for each other, I still knew that I loved her very much and still cared about her quite a bit. If I would have moved out of the house and never talked to her again, it would have been absolutely brutal for both of us. She's still my friend, afterall, just not my girlfriend anymore.

    I think that the best course of action is literally to talk about things as long as you need, and if you want to still be friends and be a part of each others lives, then do it. Nothing is saying that you have to be dating if you want to be with each other. And remember, you probably liked each other for more than just your bodies if you were dating in the first place. Hopefully, anyway.
     
  5. Millz

    Millz LGB Staff Member V.I.P.

    Don't speak with the person who broke up with you for a couple months. That's what I did and it worked out perfectly.

    I completely shut myself off from them and eventually I got over it. Granted that didn't happen right away. After a breakup with someone that you really liked you can't just get over it and you cant just break up communication...its tough. But gradually if you move away from them and live your life normally it really helps.

    I have had two long term/seriously relationships in my life and I'm on good terms with both of them to this day because of this.
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2010
  6. wolfy

    wolfy Registered Member

    Well.. I truly think that in some cases you can never 100% move on, but it can be helped by letting time pass and focusing ones attention on new/different things.
     
  7. ysabel

    ysabel /ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5

    DABDA? :lol: Going through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance...

    Get by with a little help from your friends?

    Make time to find yourself again. When coming from a relationship, you are so involved and often exist to be that partner that you forget how you are without the other. Find that person again.

    Time. Be patient, but I swear, time does have a way of helping you move on. If that's what you really want.
     
  8. idisrsly

    idisrsly I'm serious V.I.P. Lifetime

    Ugh, I so hate breakups. They are so tough to get over, whether it is you doing the breaking up or not. That person was a part of your life for however long. It is not easier when you are the one doing the breaking up, let me tell you.

    I agree with the advise given so far. Cutting communication completely is vital. Having that person in your life, even partially, will just drag the process out longer. Try not to think of the good things. Focus on the bad things (not sure that is healthy, but in the beginning it's the only thing that could make me feel better). Remember the things you were never crazy about anyway!

    And yes, do all the grieving steps. I for one love wallowing in self pity, so that bit came natural. It was facing the world again that was the killer for me.
     
  9. English-Emo-Boy

    English-Emo-Boy Supreme System Lord V.I.P. Lifetime

    Hmm this thread is particularly useful for me as I have recently blown it with a girl.

    I'm finding it hard to completely let go at the moment, we still text and occasionally chat so it's tough for me, m aybe it's not a good idea.

    What I'm actually trying to do is getting back to how I was before we got together, remembering what things were like before hand. I was happy before I met her, why can't I be happy afterwards?

    Luckily I have an action packed summer ahead so I'll be occupied with other things, hopefully time will act as the best healer.
     
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  10. Sorrel

    Sorrel Registered Member

    The grief of a broken heart can be unspeakably dreadful. It's like a terrible illness you just have to go through. This happened to me 4 years ago. My reaction to the break-up was completely out of character for me and I learned a hard lesson from it. I am a humbler person today than I then was, with my stiff-upper-lip, no-nonsense attitude to personal problems.

    I went totally to pieces, cried for months, cried on the bike on my way home from work, cried in the gym when they played a song that touched me, ran out of supermarkets in tears when they played "No More I love You's" by Annie Lennox, I cried to the point of exhaustion, slept, then woke to start crying again. My life was unbearable. I actually said to someone that I could not survive in a world full of music, I wanted all the music to go out of the world and leave me alone.

    My friends and family finally intervened and suggested I see a psychologist to help me out of the grief trap I was caught in. I refused because I am stubborn and have a dislike of psychologists. I went to church, lit candles and told God I accepted my suffering as penance for my past sins, but would he please let it stop now because I couldn't take any more.

    Then I came home, wrote a full account of all that had happened in this relationship in the form of a short story and in this way purged myself.

    Then I realised that my pain was the pain of lost love and the burden of love I could not now give to anyone. The solution seemed to me to be to find someone else I could give my love to.

    And that is what I did: I went out and found someone else to love. We've been together for 3 years now and my life is wonderful.

    God bless the friends and family members who got me through the darkest days of my life.
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2010

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