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maybe this has to do with health?

Sertraline

New Member
Hello.

I'm new to the forum. I recently have started gaining interest in a girl that I have only known for about a month now, a little more. But as I get to know her I worry about her more and more. I asked her if she wanted to start dating a little more seriously, but she refused in saying "I am still in love with my ex."

Just a little background, the first night I met this girl she was really intoxicated (alcohol). I slept at her house, in her bed (I like to be the guy that likes to help... so, even though this sounds like bad news, it's not haha) during the night she started to throw up in her sleep. Thank God I was there to flip her on her side. The first time I met her parents, they found me sleeping in her bed. But now, her parents adore me.

Anyway, her ex boyfriend (I think it was 3-6 months ago) used to beat her, he was a horrible boyfriend. I am here to ask if there is anything I can do to help her. I know she has to open her eyes by herself. But, what can I do to help her? Is there anything I should say to her? I mean, I have already told her "I'm here for you" etc etc. Last time she saw her ex, she spent $300 on him because he said he'd be her friend. I don't understand! But that's why I am here. Because I want to understand and I want to help her. I don't know how someone is attracted to someone that they have a restraining order against, but it's possible.


Thanks for all the help.
 

Doc

Trust me, I'm The Doctor.
V.I.P.
Well, to be blunt, you don't stand a chance.

The first problem is that you became attracted to a female that has obvious emotional baggage, and a previous attachment. It doesn't matter what he has done to her, she will always see him as the better man. I'm more than willing to bet that he's more attractive than you, but I don't mean that as an insult.

My advice? She's not worth it. The only chance you stand with her is if he does something so outrageously horrible and she runs out of the other options that she would prefer before you. I'd hate to say it, but she'll probably choose loneliness and self-neglect over you.

She lets you sleep in her bed because she doesn't have to worry about finding attachment. If she even cares that you have feelings, she probably hides the fact that she even notices. She gets the emotional comfort from you, and the physical comfort from him. Her letting you sleep in her bed is only a sign of trust.

And if you think I'm full of it, so be it. I have witnesses to me being in damn near the exact situation not only once, but twice; and almost a third time. My fellow posters probably won't agree with me, they hardly do, but this is something I've seen in my personal life on more than several occasions.
 

Sertraline

New Member
You know it's funny. I'm not a very emotionally stable person either, and I don't have the best self esteem in the world by any means. But I saw a picture of him and.. He's nothin to brag about haha. I don't know. It's getting boring, and I think I have better things to do. Although I want to help her, I can't just sit around... I have to help myself too.
 
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Doc

Trust me, I'm The Doctor.
V.I.P.
I like that attitude, and I'm glad you can see that she might not be the best for you. Good luck, man. Please, stick around, I'd like to see more of what you have to say.
 

ReplyworthyThat

New Member
Ah, love; passionate, forbidden... Sleeping in the same bed, does she drool? does she use make up when she sleeps with you, perfume? Sounds nice. Can't you take her to some place with alot of flowers, or fold a swan on her bed & give her some chocolate? Cause that also sounds nice.
 
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