Make up or not make up that is the question

[AmericanMusic]

it's probably a stereotype to a lot of people that women want to wear make up, put on jewelry, and feminine type clothes.
But that's not the real case. There's a lot of women that don't want to do all or some of these things.
For example a girl would dress like a tomboy but yet still puts makeup on. Another girl puts on girl clothes and no makeup.
Some wear jewelry and some don't.

Let's suppose that there's this woman who has a husband/boyfriend.. He's says I'm attracted to you when you put makeup and jewelry on. She says I just do that for special occasions. He says why can't you do that all the time? I want you to look pretty all the time.
So as you can see she only does this on special occasions. I know how it feels as far as the male aspect.
I don't worry about the jewelry that much. I like when women do their nails and just a little makeup, cleaned up, shampooed hair and feminine clothes. I once broke up with this girl because she insisted on being a tomboy.

If this woman that I mentioned only wants to wear makeup on occasions but he wants her to wear makeup and jewelry all the time how can this couple solve this problem? Is she right or he right?
Maybe they're both wrong or both partly right. If you were a therapist counseling this couple what would you tell them?
Are there any men here that had this problem or have it not with their wife/girlfriend?

 

[Hilander]

I'm taking it that she was like this when he met her. Only wore make-up and jewelry on special occasions. I don't think its fair to expect her to wear it all the time however maybe they could compromise and she could wear it on his days off. If she doesn't want to maybe he should just accept her like she is if he wants to stay in the relationship.

I'm wondering if she is wanting him to make changes for her.

 

[CubsMascot]

First off I have to be true to myself first and foremost. That's what makes me unique. If I want to do any of things mentioned then I would.
I'm not going to do what other women do just to make a man happy. If this was a problem he should have mentioned this at the start.
Why can't any man accept a woman the way she is and ask why she chooses what she wants to do?

Communication is the first rule to worry about in order to have a successful relationship..not makeup, jewelry and clothes.

 

[Sian]

Speaking from the position of having been married for 40 years, I think if communication is the first rule then compromise and understanding is the second. if I were the girl i would try to put makeup and jewelry on a little more often but my advice for the husband would be to understand that looking nice can involve some effort and doing it every day is too much.

 

[AmericanMusic]

sian i absoutey agree with you. actually it's mostly just compromise. when you meet a girl for the first time does she not wear makeup and nice clothes? yes in every case case except this one girl dressed like a tomboy. even as a man i dress nice at our first meeting too. since my clothes were pretty nice overall (not talking about christian dior) i had couple nice shirts and blue jeans i met this one woman at the airport and won't ever forget it. but when i gained weight i couldn't wear my nice clothes anymore. hopefully i could start losing weight and look a litle bit healthier.

i don't expect anything from a woman when it comes to clothes and jewelry or make up. whether she get clothes at walgreens or a thrift store doesn't bother me at all. as i agree with sian she doesn't have to do this everyday. if she doesn't do this once or twice a week it send a message to my brain i know i'm getting older, i lost my looks, the mirror is gonna crack, she's not attracted to me anymore there's no need to put on makeup anymore.

well you see when i was younger women always put on makeup and nice clothes all the time for me to be attracted to her. i say the days are over. even at 46 check into a retirement home, watch tv all day. yep life has come to an end.

 

[CubsMascot]

when you meet a girl for the first time does she not wear makeup and nice clothes? even as a man i dress nice at our first meeting too. i met this one woman at the airport and won't ever forget it. but when i gained weight i couldn't wear my nice clothes anymore. hopefully i could start losing weight and look a litle bit healthier.

i don't expect anything from a woman when it comes to clothes and jewelry or make up. whether she get clothes at walgreens or a thrift store doesn't bother me at all. if she doesn't do this once or twice a week it send a message to my brain i know i'm getting older, i lost my looks, she's not attracted to me anymore there's no need to put on makeup anymore.

well you see when i was younger women always put on makeup and nice clothes all the time for me to be attracted to her.

the girl in case anyone can't figure out is me.. the day that i met him at the airport and everyday after that we have been together. i only had on nice clothes that day and i don't remember if any jewelry. But no makeup for sure. we have both gained weight and don't fit in clothes that would be considered feminine and masculine that we once owned. i'm 8 yrs older that AM and at this time have been going through some medical issues.

he says in his post that " he don't expect anything from a woman when it comes to clothes, jewelry and make up." he says he thinks i'm not attracted anymore. well why do i have to be attracted to him by the way he looks instead of the whole man he is, including his heart, and loving generousity he has for others. That to me is justas attractive to me then physical. I haven't not worn make up since the airport except nail polish a few times. since after all this time why now has he accepted me for me?

if i did something that i haven't done in over 14 yrs then i'm just lying to myself and then i'm not as unique as i thought.

 

[The_Chameleon]

it's probably a stereotype to a lot of people that women want to wear make up, put on jewelry, and feminine type clothes.
But that's not the real case. There's a lot of women that don't want to do all or some of these things.
For example a girl would dress like a tomboy but yet still puts makeup on. Another girl puts on girl clothes and no makeup.
Some wear jewelry and some don't.

Let's suppose that there's this woman who has a husband/boyfriend.. He's says I'm attracted to you when you put makeup and jewelry on. She says I just do that for special occasions. He says why can't you do that all the time? I want you to look pretty all the time.
So as you can see she only does this on special occasions. I know how it feels as far as the male aspect.
I don't worry about the jewelry that much. I like when women do their nails and just a little makeup, cleaned up, shampooed hair and feminine clothes. I once broke up with this girl because she insisted on being a tomboy.

If this woman that I mentioned only wants to wear makeup on occasions but he wants her to wear makeup and jewelry all the time how can this couple solve this problem? Is she right or he right?
Maybe they're both wrong or both partly right. If you were a therapist counseling this couple what would you tell them?
Are there any men here that had this problem or have it not with their wife/girlfriend?

Marriage (and relationships in general) are about give and take. Your friend may want to spiffy up once and awhile when it's not a special occasion just for her man, and the husband should lower his expectations for this extra effort to be done daily. Meet somewhere in the middle. Personally I think the added spiff is nice once in a while, but if one expects it from their mate all the time it suggests there may be flaw in their perception of beauty. Keep it real. Learn to appreciate what's under the makeup more. Natural beauty is one of the best types. (Speaking from an entirely aesthetic point of view).

_______________

I was thinking a bit more on this topic and it made me think of someone special to me. When she and I first met I thought she was "kinda good looking", and now, ten years later, I think she's gorgeous. She practically never wears much make-up. It occurs to me only now that the reason for my increased level of physical attraction is that I have come to associate how she looks with how she makes me feel when we're together. I think sometimes women can do a disservice to themselves in the early stages of a relationship by getting glammed up too often. The person they are with can begin to imprint how the person looks during special moments with how they feel in those moments and then may want their partner to glam up more often. I might suggest that your friend in the OP try to create more special moments with her hubby where she is sporting a more natural look. That way when she does add in some glam he won't see her as being more beautiful so much as a different type of beautiful. Variety is good.

 

[Sian]

Marriage (and relationships in general) are about give and take. Your friend may want to spiffy up once and awhile when it's not a special occasion just for her man, and the husband should lower his expectations for this extra effort to be done daily. Meet somewhere in the middle. Personally I think the added spiff is nice once in a while, but if one expects it from their mate all the time it suggests there may be flaw in their perception of beauty. Keep it real. Learn to appreciate what's under the makeup more. Natural beauty is one of the best types. (Speaking from an entirely aesthetic point of view).

_______________

I was thinking a bit more on this topic and it made me think of someone special to me. When she and I first met I thought she was "kinda good looking", and now, ten years later, I think she's gorgeous. She practically never wears much make-up. It occurs to me only now that the reason for my increased level of physical attraction is that I have come to associate how she looks with how she makes me feel when we're together. I think sometimes women can do a disservice to themselves in the early stages of a relationship by getting glammed up too often. The person they are with can begin to imprint how the person looks during special moments with how they feel in those moments and then may want their partner to glam up more often. I might suggest that your friend in the OP try to create more special moments with her hubby where she is sporting a more natural look. That way when she does add in some glam he won't see her as being more beautiful so much as a different type of beautiful. Variety is good.

Thank you Chameleon, hearing this helps. My hubs used to try to convince me that he thought I was beautiful but I never believed him. I fully admit I am sure I was hit with the ugly stick somewhere after about age 45. Maybe I should listen to him again, tho...

 

[Impaired]

Let me tell you how well trying to change other people works out.

Oh wait, it doesn't - so, not going to tell you that.

 

[Bubbles]

I honestly feel like sometimes men don't understand the effort it goes into looking flawless all the time. It can get really exhausting when it's constantly expected of you. That, and if I don't feel good on the inside, I don't bother faking it on the outside either. And this is coming from someone who loves to doll up.

Luckily for me, I have partner who literally does not give a shit. I generally walk around like a bum and he really doesn't seem to care. That doesn't mean I don't dress up for him when we go out to a nice dinner, but I'm not willing to do it at his every whim. Sometimes my skin needs a break.