Lying and Respect

Discussion in 'Religion & Philosophy' started by Mirage, Feb 20, 2010.

  1. Mirage

    Mirage Administrator Staff Member V.I.P.

    Is it possible to lie to somebody that you respect?

    Now, you might say sure, but then do you really respect somebody if you lie to them?

    Thoughts? Examples?

  2. Major

    Major 4 legs good 2 legs bad V.I.P.

    Yes, I think it's possible to lie to somebody that you respect. Honesty is one of the things I value above just about everything else, but sometimes it could be more respectful to lie than to be honest.

    An example of this is if a friend tells you he got a haircut. You may think it looks like total crap, but you tell him, "Oh yeah, looks good, man." It could be disrespectful to be honest in that situation.
  3. Mirage

    Mirage Administrator Staff Member V.I.P.

    Well, even so sometimes people would rather their friends tell them what they really think. I mean, if I got a haircut that looked horrible I'd want people to tell me that so I wouldn't keep getting it done that way. Of course I'd also get a second and third opinion too in case the first friend just had bad taste. :lol:

    Also, there are a few types of lying. What about a more serious lie? Something non "white lie".
  4. Merc

    Merc Certified Shitlord V.I.P. Lifetime

    At first thoughts, I don't think you can. Lying means hiding the truth and being truthful is necessary in respecting someone. However, it may be the lesser of two evils in a situation. Say you know that a friend's fiance cheated on him once. Just once. She was very upset about it but never told him and since that one time, she's never done it again (you know this for certain). It seems they will have a happy marriage and be a happy couple. What if your buddy asks you one day, says that he thinks that sometime in the last few years, she cheated on him. Would you tell him?

    I would think not. Why? Because it would cause him more pain and suffering than not telling him. Besides, if she's not cheating anymore and was genuinely sorry, what suffering is there to happen? He doesn't know and nothing came of the one night stand she had. That may be one case where you could lie to someone you respect.
  5. Major

    Major 4 legs good 2 legs bad V.I.P.

    Some people don't take criticism very well. They just want to hear you tell them they look good.

    Here's another example. Someone you know buys a house and you go over to look at it. You can either lie and say, "This looks like a great place!" Or you can be honest and say, "You really made a mistake. This place is a dump. I really don't like this kitchen." Which is more respectful?

    I think anything more serious than the types of examples I've given are disrespectful. Lying about your opinion on something to make someone feel good is a lot different than lying about things you've done or things you're trying to hide.
    I think it would be disrespectful not to tell your friend the truth in that situation. Not only does he deserve to know the truth about his fiance, but it would cause him even greater pain and suffering down the road if he ever found out the truth for himself. I would not want my friend to be with someone who was unfaithful to him and hiding things from him.
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2010
  6. EllyDicious

    EllyDicious made of AMBIGUITY V.I.P. Lifetime

    Totally disagree. If you're my friend, I can't let you go out like that looking ridiculous just because at some point you think you look good.
    If you like it, it's your choice. I won't force you to change it. BUT it's my duty to tell you the truth because I'm your friend and I want to be honest with you trying to make you understand something's wrong about your look.

    Though, this is a matter of tastes. Such example doesn't help much to show that a friend must be honest whether you like it or not.

    If you don't take the criticism well, then your problem. Bad for you because criticism makes you a better person. It's just life, you should learn to deal with criticism.

    If I'm not honest with my friend/partner/family member at a point of my life, tomorrow it will be my fault for not being sincere if something was wrong with an important matter.

    I hate it when friends say something's ok just to please me. It doesn't help me.

    So, in general , lying is disrespectful. There are moments when it's not, but you better speak your mind.
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2010
  7. k3rm0r

    k3rm0r Registered Member

    i'm with Elly on that.
    I can "lie" to my m8's that i respect. but it's more like a obviouse lie.. if u get me.. So it's like he knows i lie and know's what is realy true. Other than that i tell em the truth.
  8. Merc

    Merc Certified Shitlord V.I.P. Lifetime

    So you think it will be better for your friend to ruin his marriage, make him miserable and destroy a relationship between two people because of one mistake his fiance made (and never made again)? That sounds awfully rude to me.
  9. Rebeccaaa

    Rebeccaaa yellow 4!

    Whether he calls off the marriage over it or not, it's still his choice and he has a right to know and make that decision.

    I think in that circumstance, I wouldn't lie. It's not a huge deal, but also not something I could easily just sweep under the carpet. It would hurt the friend even more if it came out a further few years down the line (like Ech said).
  10. Major

    Major 4 legs good 2 legs bad V.I.P.

    Let's look at it from your friend's perspective. Put yourself in his shoes. You suspect your fiance cheated on you and you ask your best friend if he knows anything. Assuming he does know for sure, would you want him to tell you the truth, or would you want him to tell you what will make you feel good? Personally, I would want to know the truth. I want to know if my fiance was unfaithful.

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