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Love lost... now what?

jdndfw

Registered Member
I am recently single. I got dumped. yes. dumped. We both told everyone that it was a mutual decision but in reality he was just telling people that for my sake I guess. We still see each other and talk often which I am greatful for two reasons.. the first is that I have REALLY missed the friend I found in him. The second is that I am so completely and helplessly in love with him.

several months ago i was the happiest man on the planet. I lived in a state of disbelief that this was my life and it was really happening TO ME. It was an instant connection and powerfully passionate on both parts. We couldn't get enough of telling each other how much we loved each other while we dreamed about the ways I would ask him to marry me and what we would name our pets or who would be our surrogate mother because we wanted to have children together. We confessed our favorite names for either sex. I WAS IN HEAVEN.

One night he came to me obviously upset. said he needed to tell me something but he was afraid to tell me. He did NOT want to lose me. That he loved me so much. I told him that I loved him and that he could tell me anything. I sat and listened as he tried to find the strength or words or ability to say what he needed to. In my head i prepared for the worst, is he dying? is he sick? NO he shook his head. ok, i thought, anything else is no big deal.

I was relieved to hear that he wasn't sick or dying after all. When It was all said and done I was a little upset, I admitted to him that I was more upset about the fact that he had been hiding it from me for all that time. that I had been lied to and rescheduled and bailed on without explanation many times because of it. I told him that I loved him more than anything and that I wasn't going anywhere. I wouldn't give up on him just because I didn't know what to do. I wouldn't leave the one i loved just because he made some choices I didn't understand or truly care for.

I was not prepared for how terrible things got for me. I was devastated when it all sank in... I was confident that I would be ok once I talked to him about how I was feeling. I poured my heart out to him letting my anger, hurt and confusion flow out so that he would be able to see what it was doing to me. He just sat there quietly. He didn't respond much beyond nods or noises at the appropriate times. I kept talking, trying to find just the right way to connect with him again. I didn't know what was happening. We went on like this in different sceneries for days. always the same. I talk he says very little i get frurstrated and it makes me feel worse.

I eventually just got tired of talking about it. but the pain and anger were still there. I didn't understand why he was treating me like he was. I was devastated. I didn't know where to turn or what else to do. I prayed it would just go away. I slipped into a cycle of insomnia and depression that led to irrational thought and emotional breakdowns. I could see it for what it was as it was happening but no one was listening anymore. I was fine when i was at home. when i saw or talked to him I was instantly upset. Finally one day he said he had to distance himself form me. this emotional rollercoaster i was on was something he couldn't help me with. He didn't know how. I asked him to give me a chance to get through it I didn't expect him to say that all chances are up and gone.



less than two months ago we told each other how much we loved each other and wouldn't give up on each other. When he dumped me he said I'll always have love for you. I'll never abandon you. I love you with all my heart. I just don't know how to help you..

I am curious to hear your thoughts on this....

I don't know where it all went to hell. I know i could have made some better choices along the way with regard to timing but I just didn't understand why the man that I had come to know so well as a warm, caring, thoughtful, loving man was being so cold and distant.
 
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EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
Did he cheat on you or what?
If he just "lost" his love then he never really loved you in the first place. Love doesn't go away in just 2 months. You either were blind or he was a good liar when he told you how much he loved you.
 

Jeanie

still nobody's bitch
V.I.P.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I wish I had some advice for you.
 

Dabs

Registered Member
Yeah, he just gave up....I knew someone like that once.
I tried to figure it out, took me months it seems.
You wonder what YOU did wrong, and in the end, it wasn't you...maybe it wasn't the other person either...but the either person is the one with the issues.
Issues you can't fix or help them with.
Possibly the other person was not as committed as you thought or even they thought.
Some people live in this fantasy type life....where they think as long as they are feeling alright, and they are happy and they tell others they love them.....then all is right with the world.
They don't bother taking the time to make sure...that the other person involved, is as happy and loved as they want them to be.
They are lost in their own little world......you are not lost.
You are hurt, and feeling empty......but...they say everything happens for a reason..(I know, it's a sucky saying, but I get it all the time too)......best of luck to you.
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
The best way to get over a guy/girl is to get under a new one.
That's not the best advice in my opinion. I wouldn't want a guy to stay with me so that he could forget someone else. That means he'd "use" me and I don't want to be treated like that.
 
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Jeanie

still nobody's bitch
V.I.P.
Yeah, he just gave up....I knew someone like that once.
I tried to figure it out, took me months it seems.
You wonder what YOU did wrong, and in the end, it wasn't you...maybe it wasn't the other person either...but the either person is the one with the issues.
Issues you can't fix or help them with.
Possibly the other person was not as committed as you thought or even they thought.
Some people live in this fantasy type life....where they think as long as they are feeling alright, and they are happy and they tell others they love them.....then all is right with the world.
They don't bother taking the time to make sure...that the other person involved, is as happy and loved as they want them to be.
They are lost in their own little world......you are not lost.
You are hurt, and feeling empty......but...they say everything happens for a reason..(I know, it's a sucky saying, but I get it all the time too)......best of luck to you.
This is really good advice. Sometimes people just suck. It's hard to reconcile the fact that someone you loved could hurt you so badly, but sometimes shit just happens.
 

Konshentz

Konshentz
That's not the best advice in my opinion. I wouldn't want a guy to stay with me so that he could forget someone else. That means he'd "use" me and I don't want to be treated like that.
Who is staying with who? Who is getting used? I guess you didn't really understand what I was saying. It's okay, it happens.
 

Dabs

Registered Member
This is really good advice. Sometimes people just suck. It's hard to reconcile the fact that someone you loved could hurt you so badly, but sometimes shit just happens.

Thanks Jeanie.....I've been there too.
And you sort of walk around in this fucking daze wondering what the hell it was you did...when all along...it wasn't you, it was them.
But it hurts like hell to know someone could hurt you so badly :(
Hopefully the OP can feel they are not alone, by listening to our advice.
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
Who is staying with who? Who is getting used? I guess you didn't really understand what I was saying. It's okay, it happens.
Then why don't you explain it further[instead of just raising your post-count] if you think I misunderstood what you were saying? I guess I understood it perfectly fine.
 
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