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long term-engagement or short term-engagement

laianne

New Member
which do you prefer?

for me long term-engagement so i will be able to know the real traits of my future husband because i don't want to regret something in the future when i figured out some bad traits of my future husband. and so that we will have a good relationship and it will last long.
 

Wade8813

Registered Member
I dunno - I think once you get to the stage where you're engaged, you should already have a pretty darn good idea of what traits he has (assuming you mean "engaged" in the sense I'm used to, where you've agreed to be married).
 

Millz

Better Call Saul
Staff member
V.I.P.
Yeah I kind of agree with Wade here. I would like to think that if I was engaged I would already have a good idea of what to expect and that surprises would be held to a minimum.

I wouldn't want a long term engagement...that's what the relationship and dating portion was for.
 

Bliss

Sally Twit
I'd like to have a long engagement so that I could plan the wedding and enjoy being the "fiancée" for a little while.
When/if my partner proposes to me it will be a surprise so I wouldn't want to rush down the aisle the next week. I'd want to enjoy every moment.
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
Long term engagement makes no sense to me.Getting engaged means you're sure about that person and there's nothing more you need to know or find out about him.
I think long term relationship helps for this, not engagement.
 

Bliss

Sally Twit
Sometimes people get engaged a long time ahead of getting married because they can't afford it, or they just want to show they are committed.
A friend of mine recently got engaged and won't be getting married until 2014 due to financial reasons. She knows her partner inside out and never expected him to propose to her. He did it because she is the one he wants to be with but it's just not possible for them to get married yet.

It's the same with me. If I got engaged tomorrow I know it would be a long engagement because we couldn't afford it right now. It'd just be nice to know he was ready to take that step with me.
There's no doubt in my mind that we will be married someday. But there is no rush.
 

Millz

Better Call Saul
Staff member
V.I.P.
I think your example is a special circumstance Bliss. If I was in that situation sure, long term makes a lot more sense. But if I got engaged and there weren't extraordinary circumstances then I wouldn't want it to drag on and on and on.
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
Very wise laianne!!!

Watch to see how he deals with handling his bills, dealing with heavy traffic, facing adversities at work, how he treats his mom and dad, or how good he is with children. Along with learning traits, keep in mind other important discussions. Such as which religion you'll follow, how compatible are your political viewpoints, where you'll live, what college degress you'll get, if both or one will earn the money, how responsibilities will be divvyed up, how the kids will be disciplined, which family you'll spend holidays with, etc etc.

I was with my husband 9 years and we bought our first home prior to our marriage. We married when I got pregnancy. I saw serious laziness and messiness throughout all that time and choose to fight with him about it and ignore that I would have it all of our married life. It's been difficult. Yet, we handle money similar, agree on politics, on religion, have fantastic kids, share some interests, and both are intelligent. So while in some ways I regret, there are many ways I am lucky. Realize marriage is full of ups and downs and the success of couples rests on knowing that when things are hard, the decision to commit means you don't give up.
 
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EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
It's the same with me. If I got engaged tomorrow I know it would be a long engagement because we couldn't afford it right now. .
Yeah it makes sense but that's something else. In this case you don't stay in a long term engagement because you want to but because that's how it should be as long as you're running out of money. It's something that doesn't depend on you.

While being in a long term engagement because you want to know the person more is something that depends on you.
 

oxyMORON

A Darker Knight
Getting engaged is a legally binding agreement, if I remember correctly. People can't back out of an engagement as if they're simply breaking up. I'm definitely not an expert in the subject, but the idea of long term engagement sounds iffy to me.

People can show commitment by simply being faithful to each other in a long term relationship. Two people can know they want to be with each other for the rest of their lives, but too many things can happen during a long term engagement. It just screams risky business to me.

I think it's necessary to have a financial plan to get married, not just a 'maybe we'll be able to in a few years' kind of plan.
 
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