Lessons on T-Baggin!


Registered Member
In this thread you'll come across ways to teabag, when to teabag, when not to teabag, what to say when you teabag, and more.

Teabagging, for those of you who don't know, is the process of crouching up and down animating the motions of sticking your Spartans balls in someone's mouth. After killing an opponent and going through these motions can deeply frustrate/piss-off your opponent, especially if they have a short fuse.

When to teabag:

Starting with the basics, you want to teabag your opponent when you kill them. Preferrably not every time.
Going into more depth about teabagging, lets say your opponent has the Rocket Launcher and you have a Plasma Pistol. You manage to kill them with just your plasma pistol and no beatdowns or anything. Rub that embarassment all over their face and teabag for the rest of the game. Don't even play anymore, just keep teabagging that body so they know you mean business and that they suck.

Let's say you stick someone right before you died and you managed to live. Go run over there to their mangled body and give them a taste of your fresh testiclee. But don't over-do it. Remember, you almost died.

Let's say you have a sniper and they have a shotgun. They're close enough to kill you in one shot with the Shotgun but you no scope them right in the face. You deserve a new watered down pair so go get those things wet and let em know who's boss. (This also works if you no-scope -> beatdown someone with the shotgun before they can kill you.)

Let's say you out BR someone. At any point in the game, whether you're losing, winning, tied, go drop your bag into their mug and really infuriate them. Out BRing someone perhaps you know is better than you can really anger them, even if you're losing and they're winning.

When not to teabag:

Starting with the basics again, don't teabag when you're dead. Strictly because you're dead and you can't function.
Let's say you have the Rocket Launcher and you manage to kill a guy wielding a Plasma Pistol. He doesn't know how to charge it up, shoot, then follow up with a beatdown. Under no circumstances do you deserve to gain a clean set of jublees.
Let's say someone out BRs you. They run over and teabag you. You watch it on your deathcam. "Oh hell no, he did not just put his sack in my grill" you say. You get pumped up and you rush him and only him with the help of two of your teammates. He's getting triple teamed and you manage to get the final headshot. Again, you have no right to go dignify him as your bitch.

I see this countless times. People thinking they can go teabag you after they kill you with the help of your own team. You're just making a fool out of yourself when you do this. You don't get the same effect and you should never crouch again. Period.

Learn a Spartan's anatomy: A Spartan, much like a human, has its mouth located on his head, so when dipping your jewels make sure they connect with his kisser, and not another part of the body. Crouching too close to the foot wont end well, being kicked in the nuts by a dead man is never pretty and will most likely cause more joy than anger.
Let's say you have a shotgun, your opponent has an Assault Rifle. You're crouching behind the corner and you've been there since the game started. This is the first guy to come across your path in 9 minutes since the game began and your heart starts racing. He has no idea you're there. You jump out, hands shaking from the adrenaline that you're about to get your first kill with 3 minutes left and pop him right in the chest instantly killing him. You're so excited that you were able to kill him that the thumb on your left hand starts to react on its own. It presses down, lets go, presses down again, lets go again and you run back into your corner. My friend, you have just abused all logic behind the teabag. The kharma for doing that is so bad that Gremlins will jump out of your disc tray and eat your face. Then kill your family.

What to say (and not say) when teabagging:

If you're a whiny little pre-pubescent teenager you want to avoid all trash talk during the process of teabagging. Again, it ruins the logic behind teabagging. If you say "eat sh.t motherf.cker" while teabagging and your voice is so high-pitched it could break glass, you're not going to get the same effect. The person you're teabagging will know the testiclay you supposedly carry around are too small to not even be noticed when inserted in one's mouth.

Any other circumstance, trash talking (supposing they can hear you) is a good idea and using the right words while teabagging can have an immense effect on someone's tear muscles and gameplay.

Added tips: Shooting and meleeing, combined with trash talking during teabagging can really pop some veins. Hopefully some carotted arteries causing them to go into anaphalactic shock, then well, die. Just kidding. But really.

Another tip is, if you're winning by such a large margin and you know there's no way you can lose and you really own someone pretty hard and you deservingly get to lay your love-marbles on their chin, you can keep doing for the rest of the game, so when they come to kill you, you're still humping them and they can see you're not gonna give up til your pair is as shiny as waxed glass.

Tip #3: The faster the tea-bag, the less effective it is. Don't let this trick you. Crouching up and down like it's Halo 2, makes you look like you're having a vertical seizure (as opposed to horizontal seizures of which you're laying on the ground). Make intermediate to slow crouches to get the full effect.

In certain cases, it's good to bring along your entire team to dip your meatsack into their chompers (don't worry, they're dead, they won't bite.) Adding numbers to the celebration can really get some people going. Most just end up throwing and breaking their controller. Chalk it up as a win for you.

Additional Teabagging Methods

Make sure it's done slowly, so the bodies move up and down with you.

1. Bag and Drag - You go down, walk for a bit while crouched, come up, repeat until satisfied.
2. Stay Down - Just go up and down over and over slowly, and hit the body back down when it flops up.
3. Grab, Twist, Pull - Gown down, spin, hit it right before you jump. Repeat.
4. Catch it Again - Teabag whatever way you'd like to. Pause for a bit and right before you resume playing, stick it in one last time.
5. f.cking Annoying - Whilst bagging, ask if they're OK, then at the end of the game, brag about having better standardized test scores. -Awesome
6. The fatality - After dipping your sparten nugs in there face, place a nice lil sticky nade to thier ass on the way out

Your Welcome!
~Aj / myGUNgoesPewPew


AKA Ass-Bandit
Requesting that thread title to be changed to "How to be a fucking retard, piss everybody off, and increase your chances of being kicked out of a game"


AKA Ass-Bandit
Meh, whatever works.

Which reminds me...I gotta find that article on how to act like a douchebag on the Internet. That was great.


Registered Member
Teabagging is old.. I use to pull a few squats on someone after a demolishing kill but this has now become childish (Don't you just love the Halo3 comunity?). All new games should have some type of trigger that simulates the "Martyrdom" perk on COD4.. When you squat on any corps.. you die!

I'm talking about a trigger though, not the cheap ass drop a nade after you die shit.