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Kind of a complex situation

Personperson

New Member
Basically, I have a female friend (I am a male) who I met on the internet about 3 years ago. Even though we have never met in person we have been really close friends, possiabely even best freinds. We have never fought over anything, and she is probally the only person I trust enough to tell anything to. Despite all this closeness, our freindship has always been just that; freindship. We have never really expressed romantic intrest in eachother.

Thing is though recently, I've started to devolp some kind of romantic feelings towards her. This is a problem for a lot of reasons. First she lives about 20 hours away (driving), long distance relationships rarely work out for me. Also I'm afraid, a relationship will eventually lead to breaking up, which will lead to us hating eachother, and even if we don't end up hating eachother, things will never be the quite same if we do date then break up. I really do like having her as a freind, she is like the best friend anyone could ever ever have, and losing that terrifies me.

To make all this worse, last time we talked it was late at night, and she didn't reply to one of my texts, so I just assumed she feel asleep. I then texted her in the morning (It was like 10 AM saturday morning her time) and she didn't reply, also she hasn't reply to any of my texts since, and I called her once and it seems like her phone is off.

I really would like to talk all this through with her, but obviously I can't so does anyone have any advice at all for me?
 
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Ilus_Unistus

Registered Member
Stay friends, 20 hours to go to see someone can cause much stress to you both maybe causing some distrust at times etc. Unless you or her are willing to live closer to each other, IMO, it is not worth it to take things farther.
 

Personperson

New Member
Stay friends, 20 hours to go to see someone can cause much stress to you both maybe causing some distrust at times etc. Unless you or her are willing to live closer to each other, IMO, it is not worth it to take things farther.

While I see the distance thing as a major issue, I don't think distrust will ever be an issue. I honestly have complete and total trust in her and she is the only person I can actually say that about.
 

Ilus_Unistus

Registered Member
While I see the distance thing as a major issue, I don't think distrust will ever be an issue. I honestly have complete and total trust in her and she is the only person I can actually say that about.
Not long ago I had 8 year bestfriend turned Boyfriend relationship. As friends, there are none closer, as boyfriend/girlfriend it could not have gone much worse. We no longer speak like the friends we once were, and never will again. And we lived only 15 minutes from each other.

Things will change and distance will make this even more so. Maybe she goes out with friends on night, forgets to call you, leaves you worrying, worry turns into assumptions... etc etc...

It is your decision and not for me to say, I can only give opinion and my experience.
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
How can you get romantic feelings when you don't interact in person? The complex thing about this is that you are confusing "romantic" with fantasy. Your increased emotion indicates you are ready to have a relationship. It can't be with her though....she is too far away. After all this time you know who you want to be for someone, and what type of person you will look for. Leave this friendship as it is and use all you've learned and apply it to dating in real life.
 
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Personperson

New Member
How can you get romantic feelings when you don't interact in person? The complex thing about this is that you are confusing "romantic" with fantasy. Your increased emotion indicates you are ready to have a relationship. It can't be with her though....she is too far away. After all this time you know who you want to be for someone, and what type of person you will look for. Leave this friendship as it is and use all you've learned and apply it to dating in real life.

I disagree with you on that the concept that in person interaction is neccesary to devolpe romantic feelings. I actually know a couple who are happily married that met online, and got married like 2 weeks after the first time they met in person.

Now obviously I know that is an extreme case, and I don't think that is remotely normal, but I do think it shows romantic feelings can occur without in person interaction.

Futhermore, I'm definately, definately not the kind of person who likes to be in a relationship, just to be in one. I only like to be in a relationship if it's because I am geniunely interested in the person I'm with, instead of just an attempt to avoid lonelyness.
 

BigBob

Registered Member
How can you get romantic feelings when you don't interact in person? The complex thing about this is that you are confusing "romantic" with fantasy. Your increased emotion indicates you are ready to have a relationship.
It's not that hard to have romantic feelings for someone when you haven't met them in real life. Love is love no matter how it shows up. If you talk to someone long enough and get to know them good enough, you can have romantic feelings even if you've never met them personally.

It can't be with her though....she is too far away. After all this time you know who you want to be for someone, and what type of person you will look for. Leave this friendship as it is and use all you've learned and apply it to dating in real life.
Why CAN'T he? Who are you to tell him she lives too far away and that he can't date her because of that? Just because it doesn't work out for one person doesn't mean it can't work out for another person. Long distance relationships are just like online relationships. They're hit or miss.
 

Dabs

Registered Member
Wow, 20 hours distance is a long ways. One of you may end up having to move, if all works out for you. Friends can become more, so I say talk to her about your feelings, see if she feels the same. Best of luck to you!
 

redroses

Registered Member
i think maybe yous should arrange to meet up in person sometime and see how that goes, people can be different in real life to on the internet. hope all goes well for you whatever happens
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
It's not that hard to have romantic feelings for someone when you haven't met them in real life. Love is love no matter how it shows up. If you talk to someone long enough and get to know them good enough, you can have romantic feelings even if you've never met them personally.



Why CAN'T he? Who are you to tell him she lives too far away and that he can't date her because of that? Just because it doesn't work out for one person doesn't mean it can't work out for another person. Long distance relationships are just like online relationships. They're hit or miss.

Likely the OP is pretty inexperienced and is quite confused. If you want to tell him to shoot for a fantasy, go for it. I won't because it's not healthy. There are too many opportunities in real life.

Obviously I can't "tell" the OP what to do. I state what I think and they can take it or leave it. Odds are against the OP that this will work out. I would avoid the heartache if it were me. Earlier in my lovelife I wished my friends would not have endulged me in my quests, and instead just told me the hard facts.
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I disagree with you on that the concept that in person interaction is neccesary to devolpe romantic feelings. I actually know a couple who are happily married that met online, and got married like 2 weeks after the first time they met in person.

Now obviously I know that is an extreme case, and I don't think that is remotely normal, but I do think it shows romantic feelings can occur without in person interaction.

Futhermore, I'm definately, definately not the kind of person who likes to be in a relationship, just to be in one. I only like to be in a relationship if it's because I am geniunely interested in the person I'm with, instead of just an attempt to avoid lonelyness.

Maybe we define romantic differently. Either way...it's very one-sided and only in one's head. I would think romance can only exist mutually.
 
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