The Pregnant Lady and the Bus Passenger A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident".. I just lost it." "CASE DIMISSED!!" Hope you all get a good laugh out of this one. I thought we needed to lighten the mood around here. Catch ya later............................. :warp:
OK that one was funny! My kid thinks I've lost it (so what else is new)? I'm giggling here Thanks.......needed that today!
If you don't laugh at this, something is wrong with You !!! WEEK AT THE GYM: ONE MAN'S STORY... If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. Dear Diary: For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 25yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr. old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess -- with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!!! She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me. WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurts when I get on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too. THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to workout with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank. FRIDAY: I hate that ..$%^& Belinda more than any human being has ever hated another human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic little cheerleading .$%^&. If there were a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the *&%@..&** barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel. SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my wife (the $%..@& ), will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a vasectomy.
LOL Now my kid is asking me what is wrong. Being that I find the word "exercise" to be a 4 letter one I can only imagine the joke. I have however put my tired ol body in positions (minds out of the gutter people......things like painting ceilings and stuff)! that it was never meant to be in and paid for it the next day......or that very minute sometimes. Join a gym? HA HA HA HA not in this lifetime!
:lol: :lol: :lol: That's a good one..LMDAO. :lol: I gotta rember that one. Thanks for the good laugh doubles (I needed that).
Well hi and goodevining everybody. I thought that I would try and see how long we can keep this one going. So sit back relax and enjoy the Happy Flashback....... ~~~~~~~~~You Know You Grew Up In The 80's and Early 90's If:~~~~~~ 1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "SIKE" 2. You watched the Pound Puppies. 3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Blair" ..And can do The "Carlton". 4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy. 5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby Sitters Club and tried to Start a club of your own. 6. You owned those little' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls. 7. You know that "WOAH " comes from Joey on Blossom 8. Two words: Hammer. Pants=20 9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock" 10. You had plastic streamers on your handlebars... and "spokey-dokes" Or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect 11. You Can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales" (Woo ooh!) 12. It was Actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. 13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head. 14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big Screen...and still know the turtle’s names. 15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class At school. 16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt In a knot on the side. 17. You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)=20 18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it. 19. L.A. Gear.... need I say more? 20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM " (She's truly outrageous.) 21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all the Ramona books. 22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF" 23. You wanted to be a Goonie. 24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (Some of us...head-to-toe)=20 25.You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose = Fell Off and his cheeks shifted. 26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf. 27. You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pail kids in The schoolyard. 28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets. 29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence. 30. You remember Hyper color t-shirts. 31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band. 32. You thought She-Ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up. 33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you Exchanged handmade friendship bracelets. 34. You ever owned a pair of jelly-Shoes. (And like #24, probably in Neon colors, too) 35. After you saw Pee-Wee's big Adventure you kept Saying "I know you are, But what am I?" 36. You remember, "I've fallen and I can't get up" 37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline Skates. 38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide. 39. You have ever played with Skip-It. 40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonald's. 41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement. 42. You remember Popples. 43. "Don't worry, be happy" 44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reebok's. 45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do...getting Yelled at by "younger hip" members of the family) 46. You remember boom boxes. .. And walking around with one on your = Shoulder Like you were all That. 47. You remember watching both "Gremlins " movies. 48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!" 49. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Pony Tales" 50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot. 51. You remember Alf, the little furry brown alien from Mel Mac. 52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don't Even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB". 53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class. 54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART. 55. You just sang those words to yourself. 56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird. 57. Homemade Levi shorts.. (The shorter the better) 58. You remember When mullets were cool! 59. You had a mullet! 60. You still sing, "We are the World" 61. You tight rolled your jeans. 62. You owned a banana clip. 63. You remember, "Where's the Beef?" 64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about Willis?" 65. You had big hair and you knew how to use it. 66. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't You!!! 67 Rember Pogs? Do you still have pogs ? 68 Saw "Waynes World" more than once 69 you rember the Fly Girls 70 you rember the TV show "You can't do that on television" 71 you were there or rember the fall of the wall 72 You had or knew someone with a "Pet monster" 73 you can sing the theme song to the" littles" 74 you searched all over your room and house trying to find one 75 rember when kids rode bikes & skateboards with out protection 76 you rember the sound the very first cable box made (clicking) 77 you rember the Don Johnson looks 78 you had the jacket 79 one word: Thriller 80 you wore at least 10 or more bandanas 81 Bill & Ted (Excellent) 82 Tried to find Sad Demis on a map. :lol: Let's see if any of you can add to this joke.................. :lol:
I don't want to add to that... that freaked me out... THATS MY GENERATION!!!! ooohhh man... I have a Popple... and Fraggles... and a Barbie Corvette...
