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Just a question to parents

CharlieChocs

Registered Member
Hi, just wanted to ask a question to parents if you think that your actions influence your kids in later life?

I never knew my father when I was younger, I know who he is but I don't know him, we've never been interested in getting to know each other.

I'm an only child and my mother raised me, I couldn't ask for a better mother she gave me all the love and attention I needed but she is a really glam and a lot would say sexy woman, she would get a lot of attention from men and women as she was bisexual.

She had a number of relationships with both sexes and it didn't affect me in a bad way, her boyfriends would be the male rolemodel for me and her girlfriends would love me and I loved them. I always came first though, some of them didn't like that but they never resorted to violence towards my mother.

I maybe saw and heard some stuff I shouldn't have, but it wasn't her fault and she always reassured me that some adults just have more needs than others, which I understood.

Fast forward years later I'm exactly the same bisexual and I've had a number of partners, I'm always safe though.

Do you think that what my mother was like has had that affect on me? Or could it just have happened?

Thank you.
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
Likely she had an affect on you, or as likely it is a fluke. There's some things from my parents I've completely made part of my life and as well I am completely opposed to others. Over time, I might change it again.

If you interpret her life as being fullfilled and meaningful, and if you interpret you life the same, then it doesn't really matter where it all comes from.
 

Jeanie

still nobody's bitch
V.I.P.
I think if anything, it made you more open and accepting of what/who you are. But it didn't make you who and what you are. Plenty of people grow up in far more conservative homes where sexuality is not expressed at all, and they still turn out to be bisexual or homosexual. So my answer is yes your mother's lifestyle had an effect on you, but that's not what determined your sexuality.
 

CharlieChocs

Registered Member
Likely she had an affect on you, or as likely it is a fluke. There's some things from my parents I've completely made part of my life and as well I am completely opposed to others. Over time, I might change it again.

If you interpret her life as being fullfilled and meaningful, and if you interpret you life the same, then it doesn't really matter where it all comes from.
Yeah.

It wasn't like the stereotypical stories of stepdads or stepmoms hating their stepkids, I got on with the majority of them, like a few months ago when I was in a relationship with a guy, my mom started a relationship with his dad and it felt great and very homely all of us.
 

Tucker

Lion Rampant
You may have got the initial idea that bisexuality wasn't something shameful or criminal from your mother. If it were me, I might simply assume so and think of it as a beautiful legacy.
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
Yeah.

It wasn't like the stereotypical stories of stepdads or stepmoms hating their stepkids, I got on with the majority of them, like a few months ago when I was in a relationship with a guy, my mom started a relationship with his dad and it felt great and very homely all of us.

As simply people stepkids/stepparents would probably get along ok. But since it involves sharing a parent and bringing in siblings and trying to build a household, there are all sorts of roles that play against it going smoothly.

Are you all still together now?

So many homes don't discuss sexuality despite whether they are conservative. Most parents fear pregnancy so that is usually what the topic centers around. With same sex encounters...that's not a concern!! Nice perk. It's more what we watch our parents doing then it is how much we spend listening to them.
 

CharlieChocs

Registered Member
As simply people stepkids/stepparents would probably get along ok. But since it involves sharing a parent and bringing in siblings and trying to build a household, there are all sorts of roles that play against it going smoothly.

Are you all still together now?

So many homes don't discuss sexuality despite whether they are conservative. Most parents fear pregnancy so that is usually what the topic centers around. With same sex encounters...that's not a concern!! Nice perk. It's more what we watch our parents doing then it is how much we spend listening to them.
Nope, me and my boyfriend split up before Christmas and my mother and his dad split up not long after New Year. It wasn't to do with me and Jack (ex bf) that they split up though.
 

Dabs

Registered Member
CharlieChocs, does it matter? I mean, seriously?
Because the way you portray your Mother, you definitely love her and admire her and have no problem with the way she lives her life.
And you also sound as tho you are fine with the way your life is, so if it did have an affect on you, it seems to be for the positive!
 

Merricles

Registered Member
I am of the opinion that we are the product of our upbringing in one fashion or another. I was raised by a single mom, although not bisexual and I was not an only child, I have a younger sister. I have lived through and I witnessed a great many things no one ever should have to. I have seen my mom beaten so bad she ended up in the hospital, hooked on drugs and/or alcohol. Sale herself for the benifit of pleasing her 'boyfriend' and his drug habbits. I had a great many negative role models in terms of males growing up. Never knew my dad, although I know him. Like you, we have never cared to get to know each other. My mom was never married, never in a 'healthy' relationship and was far from a shinning example. Now, fast foward to where I am now. I am married, I have 2 amazing children of my own, my wife and I have an adopted teenager, I have a succesful career in the Army and I try to help people when I can. My sister on the other hand, has fallen into a very similar life as to what my mother had. She did not graduate high school, she still lives with my mom and has no job half the time.

So, I think it would have been very different where I am today and who I am today, had I not seen and been through everything I had growing up. Many people see these things, and they accept that this is how things must be for them. That that is the way things are period. I want better for my life than what my mom had for hers, I want better for my kids lives than what I had. I could be a 'lesser' person so to say, and have valid reason to blame my life on that. Likewise though, I can thank all of that for what I do have and strive for now, as without that I might not be who I am today.
------
Also, I am not saying you are bi because your mom was. You could have very well chosen to be bi without that influense. You however may not have been open to the idea at all without it.
 
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ysabel

/ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5
Yes, I think we influence our kids, even right away and not necessarily just later in life. I already see the impact that I have on my kids and they're so young. It makes me feel I have to be more careful/responsible with what I show and tell them.

But it could go either way. Depending on your experience with your exposure to your parents, you might lean towards modeling it or avoiding it in your life. It's mostly really the length of exposure and your personal feelings toward it that has the influence. It could be anyone in your social circle, but parents just seems to have the biggest impact because they're often our first exposure to socialisation and have the most relationship with them on our formative years.

I've had an awesome relationship with my stepdad and so later in life when I hear those horror stories about stepparents, I don't believe in that crap. It probably also led me to be more accepting to take on a stepparenting role myself because it didn't seem horrifying. Of course when I took it, it was more difficult than I thought it would be. :lol:
 
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