Joke

Discussion in 'The Bathroom Wall' started by Corona, Dec 12, 2006.

  1. Corona

    Corona Registered Member

    Beware, these jokes are adult in nature.


    THE BAPTIST & THE COWBOY

    A Baptist Preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the
    plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought
    and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he
    would like a drink. Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and
    taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
    The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
    "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice.."



    Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
    The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."
    The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
    The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
    The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

    However, this is my all time favorite joke.

    Three guys survived a plane crash and were stranded on an island, when walking through the jungle they were ambushed by a primitive tribe and captured. The three were taken back to the tribe's camp and were confronted by the 'big chief'.

    The chief walked up to the first man and said, "Death or bongo?"

    The first man said, "Bongo doesn't sound so bad, so Bongo."

    They chief promptly did him in the ass.

    The chief approached the secong man and again asked, "Death or bongo?"

    The second man replied somewhat hesitantly, "Well I have a family and kids so Bongo."

    The chief then did him in the ass.

    The chief approached the final man and asked, "Death or bongo?"

    The man replied, "Fuck bongo I choose death."

    The chief then yelled, "DEATH BY BONGO!"


     

  2. Iris

    Iris rainbow 11!

    That's hilarious! +rep for you. :]
     
  3. oxyMORON

    oxyMORON A Darker Knight

  4. Vidic15

    Vidic15 No Custom Title Exists V.I.P. Lifetime

    Lmao.

    I love that joke and If I was that guy, I would have laughed my ass off too..Pineapples..haha..ohhh man..I wonder how did the guy feel while the pineapple went up his ass..

    +Rep
     
  5. Corona

    Corona Registered Member

    More.

    For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

    "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

    The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

    "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

    Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on it's head!"

    -----------------------------
    An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

    While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

    The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."
     
  6. Vidic15

    Vidic15 No Custom Title Exists V.I.P. Lifetime

    PAYBACK!!!...The pigeon shitted on their heads..and they now shit on his...haha
     
  7. Corona

    Corona Registered Member

    More. Some political jokes this time.

    Michael Jackson and Debbie were in the maternity ward just after Debbie gave birth to their first child. Michael asked her "How long do you think it will be before we can have sex?" Debbie replied, "Jeez Michael, give it a chance to walk first!"
    -----------------------------------------
    What do you call someone in the White House who is honest, ethical, intellectual, law abiding, and truthful?

    A tourist.
    ------------------------------------
    Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"

    The barman said, "Yep, that's them."

    So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?"

    Bush said, "We're planning World War III."

    The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?"

    Bush said, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman."

    The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!"

    Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Afghans!"
    --------------------------------
    Bill Clinton, George Bush and George Washington were on the Titanic.

    As the boat was sinking, George Washington heroically shouts, ''Save the women!''

    George Bush hysterically screeches, ''Screw the women!''

    And Bill Clinton's eyes light up and he says, ''Do we have time?''
    -------------------------------------
    One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"

    "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away

    The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

    "Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight...

    The third night sleep still does not come for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"

    "Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mist...

    Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"

    Lincoln replies, "Go see a play."

    Best one I think
     
  8. joee.

    joee. Guest

    i guy walks in a bar and asked for 10 bottles of beer .
    the waiter asks whats up man?
    the guy says i found out my brother was gay.

    next day he comes and gets 10 beers again.
    the waiter asks what happened man?
    and the same guy says i found out my other brother was gay.

    next day he orders 10 beers again
    the waiter asks is there any1 in ur family that likes girls?
    and the guy replies, yes, my sister.
     

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