Some people just do not understand what It does to you…Some don't want to know, while others just do not care. However, some spend their entire lives wondering, and searching for the answer. It comes across you before you know it. Sometimes you might imagine It, other times you fake It. You might not believe there is an answer some days. But there is. And when It happens, you just know.
It didn't happen to me the night you told me those three little words. I didn't say them back, because I knew it was not true. I wanted to imagine It was, but I knew it wasn't. And I think that deep down inside, you knew it wasn't true either. One day, we might get there, but please don't fake It until then.
We spent many days and nights together…but how about the night it all started? Our first date was under the stars…do you remember it? I do…like it was yesterday. It was the Thursday night of the county fair. I was walking thru the crowd, and you came up and poked me. Our eyes met, and we realized we still had a connection, from oh-so long ago. We were both a little bored, talking of non-sense. You grabbed my side and tickled me….but I got you back, I always do. Yet little by little through out the night our hands would linger when they touched. Then I was in the parade that night. I seemed to see all the people, and I kind of heard all of the noise, but for some reason, I missed quite a few notes that night. Afterwards we went and sat under the stars. I remember your eyes- they had shined much brighter than the stars last night. And the way my head lay on your chest. I could hear your heartbeat- and the rumble of your chest when you laughed, at something I had said. We talked about all kinds of subjects that night, but it all started with that question you asked me. "Do you ever look up at the stars and night and wonder if someone, somewhere in the world is looking at the same star as you?" Of course, that's the only subject I vividly remember. I remember talking about how you're going to leave overseas soon, and that I'd support you no matter what happened. When we had gotten up to go, before we said goodbye you stopped. You pointed up at a star and with your arms around me you told me that "No matter how far apart we are, just look up at the stars, pick one, and call it ours, and no matter what happens, we'll get thru this next year. With a lot of communication, and the promise of some more nights under the stars." And I told you that no matter what, I'm going to support you thru this war 110%.
Well, I never knew that night that that would lead me to now. I haven't seen you in months, but at the same time, you're still in my heart, and I fall for you all over again every time I see the stars. That was the night that led you to say those three words. It was the night before I took you back to the airport. But I still kept my promise, even though I didn’t hear from you for 2 months straight. Every single part of the 110%. I'd even go as far as to say 120%. You were my everything. I loved every idea about you. Every thought….The feeling you made me feel.
But It wasn't what everyone thought it was. It wasn't what we thought it was. We went thru the motions, thinking we knew what we were doing, but we didn't. It is much bigger than what we felt. And although little by little, it could be considered that what we felt was true, and that we weren't faking it anymore. It started to bloom, into what can't be described, even with the hundreds of words in the English dictionary that have been created, you can't describe It.
It's a mix of several things. It's taking cat naps outside in the sun, reading on the swing, dancing in grocery lanes, driving nowhere and singing at the top of my lungs, taking long walks while looking straight above me, talking to animals, making real pizzas, spinning around in the rain, watching people, jumping into large bodies of water, seeing the sun set from new places, laying in a meadow at dusk and watching the stars come out one by one, hearing laughter, admiring people, saving the world, wearing hats, love notes, sleeping next to the window while it rains, looking up new words, picnics, camping, jumping in mud puddles, painting everything, being barefoot, laughing babies, bubbles, shooting things, awkward pauses, the glow of stoplights in raindrops on a car windshield, finding home, discovering something new, watching children learn something new. It's a combination of all of these things and more. You can't smell It, you can not hear It, and you can not see It, but when It happens, you just know.