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Is this unfair?

Vixen

Registered Member
Right I just want opinions on the QUESTION, not judgements against me personally.

Do you think it's unfair your OH saying if you do this job or that job i'll leave?


Part of me has a seedy side, my perfect job is the likes of Escorting, hookers (last case scenario btw) and stripping, pole dancing etc. Or even better a Coyote (if they really existed .. no not the animal)

So my boyfriend said if you do any one of these, I'll leave you. I can understand with the hooker one, but the likes of pole dancing? I can see his viewpoint, but isn't this a case of you can't be yourself? The kind of person you are?

Do you think it's possible to meet halfway?
 

LifeinthePond

Mark ov teh Pond
Unfair? Well. Ask yourself: would you be OK with your boyfriend doing any of that?

To answer your question...we don't know who your boyfriend is and if it's possible for you two to meet half-way. My advice is find a BF who is more open-minded. You love to express yourself and be sexual, so find a boyfriend who likes to do the same.

If you love your current boyfriend then dish that seedy side out with him in the bedroom and ignore this sexual crusade. If it's not enough for you then the answer is pretty clear.
 

Merc

Problematic Shitlord
V.I.P.
Me personally, I'd have a hard time if my girlfriend did something like that.

But that's because I'd want her to be mine and not the object of other guys' lust or affection (since her job would be to be just that). Some guys don't mind this, but I think what's important is to see that he probably doesn't want you to do it not because he wants to hold you back or kill your dreams, but because it's natural to want to keep your partner for yourself.
 

Ivan

Registered Member
I will be honest to you. I understand him in one way, but not in the another. Because, he probably knew about your jobs before you were together, but now he wants to change you. I don't understand that.

But...
...personally, I wouldn't even be with girl who works that kind of jobs because of a mindset which is coherent with that kind of jobs, and which is not attractive to me. But if he was ok with that in the beginning of your relationship it's not fair to fuss about that now. He knew all that in beginning, I suppose, so he should accepted that as a part of you or don't, but if he don't accept that you shoudn't be together.

In the end, it's not so important, because you two are very different kind of people, two different worlds, you have different conception of love and relationship, and your relationship probably won't last long, unfortunately. Because opinions and attitudes about these things are very important for every relationship.
You simply can't be happy together, because nor he nor you will be satisfied if you make some big compromises related with some very important life things for both... Compromises are ok for some minor things, not for some big things like the lifestyle. You should find some guy who is more similar to you, and he should find some girl who is more similar to him.
I'm sorry if I was harsh but that is really a fact.
 

Jeanie

still nobody's bitch
V.I.P.
Everyone has their deal-breakers. If this is one for your boyfriend, then your choices are to accept that and be with him, or not accept it and not be with him. It's not about fair, it's about what is ok with him. If you feel that you can't be yourself with him, then he's not the right guy for you.
 

redroses

Registered Member
no i dont think its unfair, he probably couldnt handle the thought of you bein naked around other men, would you mind if he became a male escort or stripper? would you like the thought of other women all over him. i know that i would never be able to handle being in a relationship with a man that did any of those kinds of jobs
 

Dabs

Registered Member
no i dont think its unfair, he probably couldnt handle the thought of you bein naked around other men, would you mind if he became a male escort or stripper? would you like the thought of other women all over him. i know that i would never be able to handle being in a relationship with a man that did any of those kinds of jobs

Neither would I, nor would I want to be. As far as the question, it would depend on the job of course. I personally think anyone telling their SO they would leave them over a job is kind of childish, but then, the jobs she is describing, strippers, escorts, pole dancers, etc...isn't exactly your every day run-of-the-mill jobs. You have to put yourself in their position. Would you like it if they were to take on such a job?
 

Raos

Registered Member
I don't think it is a matter of fair or unfair. It is a matter of what you both are comfortable with. There is a difference. He has every right to be uncomfortable with it and you have every right to do it if you want. What it comes down to is what is more important to you, your BF's comfort level or your job. There is no wrong answer, but whichever answer you choose will determine if you two stay together.
 

TX_Naturalist

Registered Member
After reading your post, I'm not clear if this is something you already do or just something you would like to do? If this is something you haven't done before, then I think it's unfair to him to say I want to tease/have sex with other men after you've been in this relationship for some time. If it was something you were straight up with him from the beginning and he objected, then it was unfair to both of you to even continue the relationship.

My current boyfriend dated a dancer/stripper/escort for a couple of years. He was ok with the job in many ways. The rift that came between them was that eventually he got disgusted with feeling like he was always getting "sloppy seconds" - knowing she had just come home from having sex with other men was a major turn-off for him as I think it would be for a lot of men.

The other problem your SO might be concerned about is your safety. Working in that industry might seem sort of glamorous if you have a high sexual side - but hearing some of the stories of the ex and what she and her colleagues went through was enough for me. Some of the clientele was abusive, crazy and downright mad! And what could you do? Unless you live in a place where it's legal, there's not much. Would you want your SO in an atmosphere that posed such clear and present danger?

You said that you can understand the hooker part, but not the pole dancing. From what I understand pole dancing often leads one to become a hooker... when some customer says hey I'll give you loads of cash to come home with me (and they will!) and you do... you've just become a hooker. The temptation for money is too great for many to resist.

I don't think there is a case of meeting half-way when one objects strongly to something many consider degrading, sleazy, humiliating, and cheap.
 

Puck

Registered Member
I don't think it's unfair, but I do think it would be going against your partners wishes which will most likely lead you both down a bad path in your relationship.

As a few people have already stated, would you want him to be in the same line of work, with girls fawning all over him as a job? I know I wouldn't. I mean, if you're not the jealous type, great. But if he is and he feels uncomfortable about you doing this, then you should seriously consider if doing it is worth your relationship with him, because ultimately it will come down to that.

On the other hand, if this type of job will truly make you happy, then it seems clear to me that you need to be single or find a guy 100% comfortable with the situation.

It's something you both need to sit down and talk about, not argue or yell about it, talk about. If you explain yourself fully to him maybe he'll understand and you two can work it out.
 
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