Input Please

Sephy

Forum Drifter
#1
Ok first off I'm not too good at these but I was writing a story a long time ago and that comp crashed and I lost it all. Well I started a new one and I would like input before I moved on with it. So please take the time to read and be brutally honest. Thanks :)






I have been alive now for 62 days. Most of it seems like a blur, just wandering in search of food, struggling to survive. The military used to send out raids looking for people that hadn’t turned but those raids come less and less frequently now. I prefer it by myself and avoid them. Ever since my wife left two years ago I have found peace in my solitude. This suits me just fine.

It’s seven o’clock in the morning now and a fog is covering the city. Up ahead I see an abandoned old sedan parked on the side of the road. Most of the windows are smashed and blood stains cover the paint. I say abandoned because I don’t like to think of what might have happened to the family. There’s a teddy bear laying in the back seat all alone staring up at the roof. I open the driver side door and get in. The keys are in the ignition. What luck. I turn the key and the car does absolutely nothing.

“Fuck!” I yell out at no one.

Talking to myself seems to calm me down now. I get out of the car and continue walking towards the outskirts. I was in downtown for most of the two months since the outbreak occurred. The news told us not to leave our homes. Eventually food started running out and people had to leave their houses to even survive. That’s when it spread rapidly. So far over half the world has been infected with no signs of relief or cure. I’m lucky to still be alive. My backpack is overfilled with canned goods, knives, shotgun shells, and whatever I find along the way that may come in handy.

It’s getting easier to tell when they are close. The people who used to be my friends, my neighbors, my coworkers. But they are not these things now. They have turned into monsters who hunt for blood. It made me sick at first. I used to throw up and get fevers. It’s settled now and I am just a wanderer.

Whenever I hear the military raids roll by I can hear them shouting through their bullhorns. They encourage those to come out who have not turned. I’ve only seem them take one person. A middle aged woman. When she ran up to their truck half a dozen men jumped out and surrounded her. They pushed her to the ground and handcuffed her then shot her with a tranquilizer and threw her into the back of the truck. This was on the third day and has become a major factor in why I won’t reveal myself. This was the only time I have seen someone who hasn’t turned.









That's all for now. Again please be completely honest. Is this interesting at all or should I scrap it and start something else? My feelings won't be hurt.
 

Merc

Certified Shitlord
V.I.P.
#3
I'm a sucker for anthing zombie, apocalyptic, or just wandering bad ass in a zombie or apocalyptic world. The only thing you should explain is why he yelled when trying to start the car, it seemed like a really dumb decision for someone who seems to be very aware of the world around him. I say that because he could have attracted the military or the monsters, whatever they may be if not standard zombies.

I'm actually in the middle of writing one of those now. I'll try and post the first chapter by tonight.

I bumped my story, you should check it out.
 

Sephy

Forum Drifter
#4
I'll definitely check out your story Merc. And thanks for the input guys. I'll keep on it.

And yeah I'm a sucker for zombie/apocalyptic things too. They just seem to capture my heart.

Edit: To answer the question of him randomly yelling aloud; He has become good at knowing when others are around him so he is comfortable at talking out loud. Also as far as the military goes, they are quite loud when they are around and are good at making their presence known.