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Advice I'm pulling my hair out

whiteraven

Registered Member
My 22 year old son is driving my nuts. He's living in a motel because he's caused so many problems where I live by fighting with me and calling me names. I've tried over and over again to help him. He just won't find a place for himself to live. I've called every where and tried to get him to comment to one place and he won't take it.
Now he's got another girl pregnant and has already two kids by another. I do see my grandchildren but not to often. I'm just don't know what else to do for him. I've had people tell me to quit doing things for him because he's just using me. He has major anger problems and will threaten me if I don't do something he likes. I can't have him here because he causes so many problems. I've been told by my manager that if he stays here I'll get a 3 day notice to move. I can't afford to lose my home but, I care and worry about him.
He doesn't make the right choices. Gosh, I'm about ready to pull my hair out over this.

I'm looking for any advice.
 

Hilander

Free Spirit
Staff member
V.I.P.
I really feel for you whiteraven. What he is doing seems reckless and self destructive. Any advice I give will not be from experience but your friends might be right you might have to stop helping him or even cut ties with him. If you do and he becomes abusive you might have to get a restraining order. Peoples children have been known to harm their parents even kill them.

Has something happened in his life to cause him to be this way? Which I know it doesn't have to be because something happened. Could you possibly talk him into taking anger management classes or seeing someone.
 

CaptainObvious

Embrace the Suck
V.I.P.
The only thing I can think of is tough love. I know it's hard but he's a 22 year old man. You CAN'T jeopardize YOUR living situation because he doesn't know how to behave like a respectful human being. He needs to make the decision to want help with his anger problems and make a decision to change, and you can offer to help him in any way you can, but you can't force him to want to change. You need to think about yourself and your own sanity and force him to grow up and find a way to support himself and solve his own problems.
 

penny4URthoughts

Registered Member
As much as it hurts me to say this, I don't think he should stay with you anymore. After all, when it comes to anger problems, he's got to learn to deal with this himself and he should try to find a job in order to support himself as the family he has now. The lesson he should learn is to not take anyone for granted.
 

whiteraven

Registered Member
I've tried to tell him to get some help. He just calls me names but a few times he did push me down. I was going to call the cops but he told me if I did he'd kill me. With my medical problems it doesn't help having the stress. He acts like he doesn't care. Only happy if someone is doing something for him. Know matter what I do, he's not happy. I have told him that he can't stay here. He says he's going to do things but, doesn't. I've quit giving him money. Its not easy seeing him go through these things but, I know I need to get harder and not give into him.
 

Hilander

Free Spirit
Staff member
V.I.P.
Is he your only child? Is there other family members you can rely on for help with him including his father? Since he has threatened to kill you might should get the police involved even as difficult as it would be to call the police on your own child. It would worry me that he would go through with it.
 

whiteraven

Registered Member
Yeah, I've gotten them involved more then once. They just end up saying that I have to tell him to leave but they can't do anything else unless he's does something to hurt me. His father has tried to help him as well. Most of the family don't want nothing to do with him because he has no respect for me. They've tried once or twice to help and have been disrespected by him. He won't listen and trying to talk to him is difficult when he doesn't want to listen or doesn't like hearing the truth. Just ends up with him starting to yell and if I try to ignore his yelling it just gets worse.
 
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