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I'm besotted with a woman I can never be with

Kierano

New Member
Hi, I'm Kieran. This is my first post, and it's not one that's going to raise a lot of hearts.

I work in a local grocery shop. Everyone there gets on well, and in truth I love working there. I'm only 18, so it's great to be there on a part time basis, I get on well with my co-staff and got a lot of hours last summer, so I'm clearly appreciated.

There is one particular woman there that I get on really well with... too well. She's a very funny, pleasant person, and drives me home from work when we're both working night shifts. She's very playful, we have a great laugh with each other. She's a short woman, reasonable looking (cute even), and I found her reasonably attractive. But I've fallen head over heels in love with her personality. She has a soft spot for me ahead of m other workers my age, I can feel that. I have a better laugh with her than them...

It's gotten to the stage where I stop at the shop nearly every time I know she's working, to 'buy something', and then stay to have a fifteen to twenty minute chat. Whenever a car like hers passes me when I'm driving, my heart skips a beat, even though she lives a good bit away from me, and it's rarely her.

Even at our staff party, we were having a drink and a cigarette together, and she announced 'I was her pet'... music to my ears, even though it wasn't meant seriously at all. In her slightly tipsy state, she pointed out that me and my friend had matching tops, then I turned to my friend and said with a wink 'I'm better looking though'. My friend found this hilarious, ran to her and said it to her when I wasn't looking, and came back rather disappointed looking and said 'yeah, she says you are'.

The thing is... she's twenty years older than me. And she has three kinds and a husband. I can NEVER be with her. And I feel terrible because a part of me knows that had she been twenty years younger, I would be in there. She feels like 'the one', she has the dream personality and isn't bad looking. Looks aren't hugely important to me, but there's enough to keep me happy, and I LOVE spending time with her. I'm lovesick... I think of her all the time, and I actually swap shifts with people so I can work with her. When she went on holiday for a week, I felt down because she wasn't around.

I feel like I've missed out. I adore her...
 

Mirage

Secret Agent
Staff member
V.I.P.
Here is what you need to do...

STOP INFATUATING YOURSELF WITH HER! She is married and she's most likely treating you that way because she's a motherly type. She has kids and a husband and she's 20 years older. I guarantee you she's not sitting at home thinking through how she can ruin her life to be with you. She would probably be appalled to realize that you've been misreading her actions like this.

You need to distance yourself from her. You need to stop pursuing her. You need to stop thinking about her as anything more than a friend. If you've already gone too far and can't do this then you literally need to quit your job and find another one. It's not healthy to continue down your road of thought and I know you agree based on the title you chose for this thread.
 

Dabs

Registered Member
I couldn't agree with Hybrix more.......and quite honestly, the age difference isn't a big concern...people date people years younger and older than themsleves all the time.
Your problem tho...is she IS MARRIED.
That makes it a big no-no..and you're only hurting yourself to allow things to continue the way they are~
 

Rebeccaaa

yellow 4!
I think you already knew what you have to do before you wrote this thread. :) It's going to be seriously tough, but you need to nip this thing in the bud before it escalates any further. Since you enjoy working there so much and aren't likely to quit, I'd suggest trying to find someone to take your mind off of this woman. Stop being hung up over the fact that you missed out on her, and never stop believing that there aren't still [attainable] girls out there who you can, and will, feel the same way about.
 

generalblue

Where is my Queen?
Here is what you need to do...

STOP INFATUATING YOURSELF WITH HER! She is married and she's most likely treating you that way because she's a motherly type. She has kids and a husband and she's 20 years older. I guarantee you she's not sitting at home thinking through how she can ruin her life to be with you. She would probably be appalled to realize that you've been misreading her actions like this.

You need to distance yourself from her. You need to stop pursuing her. You need to stop thinking about her as anything more than a friend. If you've already gone too far and can't do this then you literally need to quit your job and find another one. It's not healthy to continue down your road of thought and I know you agree based on the title you chose for this thread.

Exactly what Hybrix said...it makes no sense to fall for this woman. She is married and has 3 kids. Now I no that nobody will give you advice on to having an affair with her or attempting to steal her away from her husband. It would be different if she had three kids, divorced...and only "seeing" somebody. But I am sorry bro...get over and find somebody you own age. And if you like older women, go after the single ones.

P.S. If you are really seeing her at work everyday and have her schedule memorized and she is not inviting you or never gave you her schedule, this is, in my eyes, borderline stalking.
 

konboye

Registered Member
Hybrix covered everything, if you'd still like a little truthiness, RUN WITH YOUR LEGS TOUCHING YOUR BACK.

P.S. If you are really seeing her at work everyday and have her schedule memorized and she is not inviting you or never gave you her schedule, this is, in my eyes, borderline stalking.
It means you are already stalking her, passively.

If I were you, I'd use my charm on girls my age.
 

JaneSmith

Registered Member
hmmmm. And as Freud would say: "Have you reviewed your relationship with your mother"?

And I would ask if you know what love is? Love is about loving yourself and when you want to add someone to your life it should be because you want to give of yourself the best you can give.

Relationships that work make our days happy. Enjoy those days and control your urges. Because when you change the dynamic the relationship changes. Seems that you love your job, keep it that way.

Are you looking to settle down and marry a woman? If so, then you have to find someone available to love. But first love yourself so that the relationship can grow.
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
You could be the happiest teenager on earth but you need to put your feet on the ground.

I'm sure you'll be over this phase but the question is "when?"
When you grow up you'll remember this situation and you'll laugh about the fact that when you were 18 you had an obsession with a 38 year old woman.

I think you're giving this more importance than it deserves. It's nothing to worry about. Just make sure you know your limits when approaching her.

Remember! She's treating you as if you were her son..., nothing more. So don't create more illusions (which are typical of your age).
 

Rebeccaaa

yellow 4!
No, you read my advice just fine. I want him to live a sad and lonely life. There are no girls out there that will love him as only she can. :melodramatic:


or, yeah, screwed that one up. You know what I mean lol.
 
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