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if you knew you should leave would you?

whiteraven

Registered Member
I've been watching my friend deal with this for a long time now. She and her boyfriend have been going on a road that could become very dangerous for them. She fianlly said she knew she should leave but, is afraid of what he would do to himself or someone else. He has no control over what he does and I found out yesterday that he hit his own dad hard enough to give him a knot on his head.

I've been in a relationship that was abusive myself and it took me years to get out of it, with help from friends and seeing someone that I could talk to helped.

Would you tell her to leave? My problem is its not my place to say it to her even though I did a few times. I think she's just scared. What is even worse is I found out that she's pregnant again by him. Don't ask me why on this one. That would make two kids in a house like that.

Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.
 

Pugz

Ms. Malone
V.I.P.
If she knows she should leave then she should; if she's worried that he may harm her or someone else while she's trying to leave then it may be wise to get a group of family members together to keep them separated.

However, if she can, it'd be best to leave when she knows he's not going to be in the house for a few hours and go where she knows it will be safe.

Do with her what your friends and family did with you; having someone around who knows what she's going through could help her through it too.
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
My problem is its not my place to say it to her even though I did a few times.
If you claim to be a good friend then give her a proper advice which is to leave.
There's no doubt she should get out of that relationship as soon as possible, especially that you've been in these similar situations so don't hesitate to help her out.

Pugz is right. You know how it feels to be surrounded by good people who want to help you so you should do the same with her.
 

ysabel

/ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5
I've been in a relationship that was abusive myself and it took me years to get out of it, with help from friends and seeing someone that I could talk to helped.

Would you tell her to leave? My problem is its not my place to say it to her even though I did a few times.
You said so yourself, you've been there and you knew what you needed. Your friend needs you to be that person, your friends were to you, that enabled you to leave. So don't think it's not your place to say it. You know yourself that it does help for someone close to you to say it and remind you all over what you should be doing in this case.
 

Jeanie

still nobody's bitch
V.I.P.
tell her, but be prepared for her not to listen yet, and don't give up on her when she doesn't listen. It's really hard to leave sometimes, even when you know you should.

You're a good friend for caring.
 

Bliss

Sally Twit
I'd never allow myself to be in an abusive relationship. If my parter ever laid a finger on me he would be out that door and he'd never see me again.
I don't understand why other people don't carry that same mentality to be honest.

I think it is your place to say something. She will know she has your support and having someone to fall back on will make it easier for her to face this. She doesn't need to be alone.
 

Wade8813

Registered Member
I've been watching my friend deal with this for a long time now. She and her boyfriend have been going on a road that could become very dangerous for them. She fianlly said she knew she should leave but, is afraid of what he would do to himself or someone else. He has no control over what he does and I found out yesterday that he hit his own dad hard enough to give him a knot on his head.

I've been in a relationship that was abusive myself and it took me years to get out of it, with help from friends and seeing someone that I could talk to helped.

Would you tell her to leave? My problem is its not my place to say it to her even though I did a few times. I think she's just scared. What is even worse is I found out that she's pregnant again by him. Don't ask me why on this one. That would make two kids in a house like that.

Any advice would be helpful. Thanks.
It ABSOLUTELY is your place to say. It's dangerous for her, it's dangerous for her kids. There are a lot of resources out there. Get friends/family involved. If necessary get the police involved.
 

AnitaKnapp

It's not me, it's you.
V.I.P.
Does he actually abuse her and her kids? In the OP I saw mention of him hitting his dad. Does he hit her as well?

When it's mental abuse...it's so hard to put a finger on it and say....oh, that is the last straw, I am gone. But when it's physical it's pretty cut and dry for me, and I'd be out of there. I wouldn't want him to hit me, least of all my kids.

Like Jeanie said...say something, but don't get discouraged if she doesn't listen at first, and please continue to be there for her.
 

Iris

rainbow 11!
I would leave. and Pam and Jeanie definitely have good advice for you. Just try to be there for her, even if she doesn't listen. and it shouldn't be her responsibility of what he does to himself if she leaves.
 

ysabel

/ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5
So any update? I just notice the date of your thread, it's 3 months ago. Did you tell her? Are they still together?
 
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