I need some serious help..

Discussion in 'Dating & Relationships' started by greyham_G, Sep 24, 2009.

  1. greyham_G

    greyham_G Registered Member

    So there is this girl. i didn't talk to her a year ago but then she liked one of my friends. They hooked up a couple times, she liked him for a while, he left for camp and things didnt work out. We started hanging out during the summer on a very regular basis. At first i thought she was really fun, outgoing, just a real pleasure to be around. School started 3 weeks ago and it is just me and her out of my core group of friends, and we have class together from 9:50 am to 2:40 pm...and from 9:50 to 12:05 we usually spend hanging out at her house. Since the start of school my feelings have been growing and i am now definitely in love with her. I didnt tell her this because she still talked to my friend and i wasnt sure if we dated if she would get back together with him. So i procrastinated. And after i pretty much knew she wasnt into him anymore she was texting this other guy i know. really nice funny guy, but i ddnt really know if it was serious or if they were just friends. I found out recently they were seeing each other (and are now dating) and yesterday i told her how i felt. I told her everything i felt deep down and she said that we would always have something special, and that she loved me too...but that we are just amazingly good friends, that she would rather hang out with me than him any day...but we remain friends.

    im head over heels for her and i cant function or stay happy knowing he has her love, when i know nobody could love her more than i do...i dont have any idea what to do, because i want to let it go but im tearing myself to pieces thinking about her, and i think this will affect other relationships i may try because i dont think i could love anyone as much as her...

    so do i wait it out? or continue trying to convince her that i know she is perfect for me and we should be together...

    p.s. they both want long term relationships, according to her/my friend whom she told that.
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2009

  2. CaptainObvious

    CaptainObvious Son of Liberty V.I.P.

    Sorry to say this but I think you need to stop hanging out with her every day. Doesn't mean you have to stop being friends with her, but because of how deep your feelings are you need some space from her.

    You did your part, you told her how you feel. She says she loves you too but it appears at this time she loves you as a really good friend. Spend some time with other people, don't make yourself easily accessible to her. Maybe she'll realize the feelings for you are stronger than she thought and will seek you out, or she'll move on and so have you.

    It's a crappy feeling, I know, I've been there. But meeting new people and having space from her will help you deal with those feelings.

    Good luck to you and I hope it all works out for the best.
     
  3. greyham_G

    greyham_G Registered Member

    Thanks man, really. I think youre absolutely right...a change of scenery will definitely help, although i will still be seeing her every day because i have nothing else to do and the only way to avoid it would be to just say no which would make things bad...which im going to try and avoid because i do still want to be her best friend. But spending time with other people should help, just thinking about something other than her is a relief...i feel better already. thanks again.
     
  4. teron

    teron Registered Member

    Not gonna lie, it sucks... but you really messed up telling her how you felt *while* she was seeing this other guy.

    Had you waited for that to disolve (sounds like your young - a rather certainty) you might have just had something. But it doesn't make sense that she would rather hang out with you than him yet their admittedly in a relationship.

    She sounds just as confused as anyone, probably best to just avoid that type of girl all together.
     
  5. luciannobradley

    luciannobradley Registered Member

    Sounds to me like a typical "friend zone" case. I've been a victim before.

    Seriously, take the advice Capt Obvious has given you on this thread. It is all true. I was told the exact same advice by my friends when it happened to me some years ago, but I didn't heed it and I haven't had a girlfriend since. It really ruined my self-confidence.

    I am all right now, but it really did take a while. But seriously, don't expect to hook up with her. 9 times out of ten, it doesn't happen. If she sees you as a friend, it'll be incredibly hard for her to see you as something else.

    Just be strong and don't let the feeling get to you. Fight it, but never be mean to her. She doesn't deserve that (unless, of course, she was leading you on, but I don't think that is the case with this girl) Just keep a tiny bit of distance between you and her.
     

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