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I need relationship tips

B

br0ken

Guest
You wasn't lying Lavoid when u said they give u good advice here!
 

lavoidgaskins

Registered Member
br0ken said:
You wasn't lying Lavoid when u said they give u good advice here!
Pleae write longer messages than that. What you just did was spam. We do not want spam in our wonderful site. Please make the message longer. And it would be nice to give advise acter all thats the section we are in.
 
G

Gitana

Guest
Maybe I'm a little late jumping in on this one, but after catching up on the problems and good advice given, I just wanted to add my opinion.

I didn't see anywhere whether the g/f knew if he had cheated on her. If so, that could change the politics of the relationship a great deal. Couples often get caught up in mind-game punishment/reward behaviors.

I think, even beyond communication, the key to the best relationships is compatibility. If you are compatible, most of the other typical relationship problems seem to disappear. I know it can be hard to recognize real compatability, because too often we are responding to looks, lust, or what we think the other person is (or worse, what we want them to be). Get to know someone as a friend first. I mean really get to know them. And above all else, get to know yourself - because if you don't, how can you expect to know what you're looking for in another person?
 

lavoidgaskins

Registered Member
Kazmarov said:
I PMed him about that, Lavoid.
Broken is a girl, not a guy.

Gitana said:
Maybe I'm a little late jumping in on this one, but after catching up on the problems and good advice given, I just wanted to add my opinion.

I didn't see anywhere whether the g/f knew if he had cheated on her. If so, that could change the politics of the relationship a great deal. Couples often get caught up in mind-game punishment/reward behaviors.

I think, even beyond communication, the key to the best relationships is compatibility. If you are compatible, most of the other typical relationship problems seem to disappear. I know it can be hard to recognize real compatability, because too often we are responding to looks, lust, or what we think the other person is (or worse, what we want them to be). Get to know someone as a friend first. I mean really get to know them. And above all else, get to know yourself - because if you don't, how can you expect to know what you're looking for in another person?
Actually she does know that I have cheated on her in the pass.

As for compatibility that is something I tend to think of. I guess I just have to take every day as it is given to me.
 
R

Richard Owl Mirror

Guest
lavoidgaskins said:
After taking a long time to think about things I still don't know if I should post this here or in the relationship thread. If you feel I should post this in the relationship threas then please move it.

Basicly I want some tips on how to keep my relationship running smoothly. I've been in this relationship for 3 years and I want it to last much longer than that.

Some times we fight (not fist fighting) and I don't like to fight with my girlfriend.
Due to problems in the past things can be ruff from time to time. If any one here has some advise on how to keep things moving on please let me know.
Some times we fight (not fist fighting) and I don't like to fight with my girlfriend.
In order to allow a relationship to flourish and be beneficial to both,reconginition of the problems you fight over, or the conditions that lead toward an argument would be the first step.

If I might suggest a method of resolution for the both of you,
have a talk with your love and suggest that separately you both write down (3) three things each.
Then when you get together again after having done so, place three strips of paper each with one problem into a hat, jar, bowl, whatever.
Having (6) pieces of paper allow her to select one and discuss only that until you reach a resolution.
Then it's your turn, etc. etc. etc. until you've completed all (6) six.
Doing so in this manner will allow each of you to either select your own problem or your partners.
Each of you may be surprised at what is written, and this will lead to a thorough discussion.

Good Luck !
 

lavoidgaskins

Registered Member
Richard Owl Mirror said:
In order to allow a relationship to flourish and be beneficial to both,reconginition of the problems you fight over, or the conditions that lead toward an argument would be the first step.

If I might suggest a method of resolution for the both of you,
have a talk with your love and suggest that separately you both write down (3) three things each.
Then when you get together again after having done so, place three strips of paper each with one problem into a hat, jar, bowl, whatever.
Having (6) pieces of paper allow her to select one and discuss only that until you reach a resolution.
Then it's your turn, etc. etc. etc. until you've completed all (6) six.
Doing so in this manner will allow each of you to either select your own problem or your partners.
Each of you may be surprised at what is written, and this will lead to a thorough discussion.

Good Luck !
That's not a bad idea. I'll see what I can do. I'll probaly be an un-happy camper after it's all said and done though.
 
U

ubikk

Guest
lavoidgaskins said:
After taking a long time to think about things I still don't know if I should post this here or in the relationship thread. If you feel I should post this in the relationship threas then please move it.

Basicly I want some tips on how to keep my relationship running smoothly. I've been in this relationship for 3 years and I want it to last much longer than that.

Some times we fight (not fist fighting) and I don't like to fight with my girlfriend. Due to problems in the past things can be ruff from time to time. If any one here has some advise on how to keep things moving on please let me know.
First we have to find out what you fight about. Can you describe the last couple of fights? Or maybe you could keep a log of the next couple. Write a paragraph about each one. Then come and discuss them here.

If you don't want to get specific about the fights in public, then writing about the fights is also good way to do a self analysis. If you want to go about that approach, write a short story about several fights. It would be maybe a page long. Describe what happened, describe how you felt at the time, and describe what you think she felt, or why she felt the way she did about the situation. Describe any past issues that you think played a part. After you're done, go back through it and fill in a little more. After two or three, see if you see a pattern.

At this point you've mulled over the fighting pretty well, and maybe you are ready to discuss it with here. That's what you'll have to do in any case. You two are going to have to sit down and talk it out.

If you just can't talk to each other, have her read one of your accounts and take the red pen to it, telling you what in the account is wrong from her opinion and what is correct. (of course if you do this you're going to ahve to remember to be very polite and objective when writing the story in the first place. If you two aren't intimate enough to share that kind of information, your relationship is likely to not get much better until you are.

Those are a couple of options. Tell us what you think.

Richard Owl Mirror said:
In order to allow a relationship to flourish and be beneficial to both,reconginition of the problems you fight over, or the conditions that lead toward an argument would be the first step.

If I might suggest a method of resolution for the both of you,
have a talk with your love and suggest that separately you both write down (3) three things each.
Then when you get together again after having done so, place three strips of paper each with one problem into a hat, jar, bowl, whatever.
Having (6) pieces of paper allow her to select one and discuss only that until you reach a resolution.
Then it's your turn, etc. etc. etc. until you've completed all (6) six.
Doing so in this manner will allow each of you to either select your own problem or your partners.
Each of you may be surprised at what is written, and this will lead to a thorough discussion.

Good Luck !
Oh crap! you totally beat me to it dude! I just posted something like this - the whole writing thing. You know why it works here? Because folks here are here because like to write about their feelings about stuff in the forum. That means it's a good approach for them to take to other tasks.

Anyway, GMTA!
 

lavoidgaskins

Registered Member
I already know what the fihgts are about. It's about her and every thing she ever wants. It's like how she got mad that I was hanging out with a girl. Or how I stress spending to much time wiht her. Or better yet that I don't spend enough time with her.

If you ask me she has problems. C'mon and lets get serious for a moment. She gets mad if I want to take up all her time and then gets made if I don't want to take enough of it.

In my eyes if you say you dont want to be bothered then I do just that and ignor her for the da and she gets mad. That is something I don't understand if she wanted me to leave her alone then how can she possibly get upset if I ignor her the entire day. Is that not what she wants?

As far as the talking goes, I'm not sure how well that will go. Every time we talk one gets loud wiht the other (probaly me) and she'll get mad and hit me. I know I siad there was no hitting, but um yeha there really is. I mean she can't hit me to the point where I would go and call police, but it's getting real old to get puched and coched on.
 
G

Gitana

Guest
That's not a relationship, my friend, it's emotional dominance and control - and when you add in the violence...

Time to go. There's nowhere for this to go but down.

As my mother used to say, "There are a million fish in the sea."

Don't settle for a bad relationship just to have someone in your life, or because you are used to them in your life. You might also ask yourself "what do I really love/like about this girl?" And be honest.
 
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