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Advice I Need Help Getting My Life Together

iwashere

New Member
This is only going to be for those who enjoy a decent read every now and then, those who enjoy 'cutting to the chase', steer in another direction. Those of you who would like to pitch in your two cents, please, please read on as I think I am half-decent at writing so I'll try to keep in interesting:

So it's late at night and I got home from work not too long ago. I can't sleep because I've got a wicked cough. Anyways I'm lying hear really thinking about life and my future and all of that crazy stuff that goes through our heads every now and then and I feel compelled to write it down and most of all, seek some guidance. In layman's terms, I need to get my shit together. My priorities are out of whack, I am always late for everything, I leave everything to the last minute, and I just skim-by in life and I'm tired of pissing my life away as the days go by.

I'm twenty years old, and I am blessed with all of the opportunity in the world. I live in a nice big house, my parents have generously given me my own nice car to get around in, I have a part-time job that grants me a wage far above that of my friends. I am blessed being fairly intelligent, I go to university. I base my 'above-par' intelligence off of the simple fact that I do absolutely NOTHING in university and I receive grades higher than most - high seventies to mid-eighties. When I say I do nothing it is far from any sort of exaggeration; I write ten-page papers the night before, and receive above eighty grades, I barely study (if I do it is of course the night before and morning of) for my exams and I always do well - not exceptionally, but I get by with an average grade (usually that of in the high seventies).

Many would think I am bragging, or showcasing myself to the world because many may think, what a life that sounds like, do nothing and reap the benefits. But this is not the case. The reason I am saying all of this is because I feel guilty, I feel horrible and I feel like I am throwing away all of this opportunity that others would give the world for - and I realize this which is why I am writing. I always say to myself, wow, I received what everyone else did on this exam and I barely studied at all, and then I always say, 'IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD HAVE RECEIVED IF I ACTUALLY STUDIED' - if I actually TRIED, if I actually GAVE A DAMN. For example, I missed out on a 5% increase in one of my courses and all I had to do was go to participate in a study and I received 5% less in the course entirely because I procrastinated, and I was lazy and I never made getting my bonus percentage a priority so I missed out. I don't know how well I would actually do, because it is impossible to say for obvious reasons, but all I know is that I could do better, I could be a better person. I could live such a phenomenal life where maybe I could make a difference in others' lives.

The same sort of concept exists in my world of fitness. I have always had a passion for health and fitness (in fact it is a highly relevant subject to my field of study) and I used to always love going to the gym, working out, and eating healthy. Nowadays the drive is just non existent. I make every excuse in the world not to go, or not to eat healthy - and it's not that I have grown out of shape, I am still in great shape and have incredible genetics for living an athletic lifestyle but once again - I throw it away as I could be DOING BETTER - I could be in BETTER shape if I actually pursued my dreams of having that sort of physique that I dream of. I see other people working out, or dieting, who would kill for the genetics I have been so blessed to have and here I am just throwing it all away. :shake:

I am very, very angry with myself. :mad: I don't want to throw it away. I want to pursue life, live to the fullest. Do MY best. If there is one sentence I can stress the most, please **READ THIS**: I firmly believe that one's quality of life is extremely subjective in the regard that as long as you are doing YOUR BEST, and chasing YOUR dreams and getting closer and closer everyday, you are living life to the absolute limits and should be proud of yourself. I am not proud of myself. I've said all that I have said because I KNOW I could be doing better, and living my own life to the fullest. Instead I just watch as time ticks away and continue with my habits to scrape by.

Now obviously if you have read to this point, you're probably thinking well this is a ridiculously stupid issue, it's as if i know the problem, so why don't I just fix it.(?) Here's the thing, my parents have always allowed me to be independent in the sense that I learn on my own how to be responsible by getting myself where I need to be, study when I have to, and pay my own way (for the leisure parts of life). Consequently, through my ability to do well in my studies while doing minimal work, and rushing around everywhere being late, I still "get the job done". My efforts to discipline myself have been unsuccessful, no matter how bad I want it, I always choose to be LAZY - that's my problem. I always think that some how things will work themselves out because they always do. I don't enjoy cramming for school work or rushing around trying to get somewhere - I'm always stressed out and a total mess because of it. Even if I tell myself that I'm going to be late if I don't do this now or leave now I'll convince myself that it'll be O.K and I can just wait a bit more and do it later and I always end up leaving it to the VERY LAST MINUTE and never learn because things seem to turn out O.K in the end but I don't want to settle for O.K - I want to do better by me. I want to be able to relax like everyone else and excel in what I do and be proud of myself but I just don't know how to actually do it - I'm down-right too damn lazy and I can't seem to convince myself to do better and get my shit together. I have tried to reach out to multiple people for help but they've all said (and I don't blame them) you're old enough to be responsible and do what you need to do - but in reality I still think like a kid, like I'll sit around and do nothing all day and then when I absolutely have to (particularly right before something is due or I have to be somewhere) I'll scramble around and get it done or rush to where I need to be.

Please could somebody give me some guidance on what to do. I want to be a better person, I want to push my own limits and see what they really are, I want to be a better boyfriend, brother, son, friend, and person amongst others. I want to be my best but I just feel so hopeless in my own efforts to do so that I don't know how to change such reckless habits.

I hope you enjoyed the read and I appreciate any feedback whatsoever that you may have.
 

dDave

Well-Known Member
V.I.P.
Its fine to sometimes take the lazier option. I do it all the time and I'd consider myself far from lazy. I'd honestly say that over-achievement does exist and it's a waste of your time.

My upbringing was similar to yours and I'm even 21 years old presently. Maybe my advice will do you some good.

You want to know how I combated laziness? It was very simple. I made a list of all the stuff that I normally need to get done in a week (I broke it up into small pieces) and I sort of assigned various tasks to each day. I don't put a specific time of day on there because I hate schedules, but it does help me feel like I'm getting stuff done. For example, on Fridays I'll do my Information Systems work and I'll submit a weekly assignment for Business Administration all after getting home from work. Then I go for a run (I run every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday) Any time I have left after that? I don't feel bad going to hang out with people or just doing my own thing. I'm usually pretty beat by the time I get all of that done.

Anyway, the basic rule is that whatever tasks I assign to each day, I do not put my head on the pillow until said tasks are complete for the day regardless of when I actually get around to doing them.

I'm to the point where I'll wake up in the morning and know exactly what I need to do. I don't even write it down anymore. I'm firing on all cylinders and running on automatic. It's easy to stay there once you're there.

You also have to be careful not to confuse relaxation for laziness though. You'll actually work better when you do work if you take some personal time regularly and just do what you want to do. This is something I'd discovered recently. I'd go crazy if I didn't take personal time every day (even if it's only a small amount)


Hopefully that helps a bit. Sorry, it's sort of an information dump.
 

iwashere

New Member
Anyway, the basic rule is that whatever tasks I assign to each day, I do not put my head on the pillow until said tasks are complete for the day regardless of when I actually get around to doing them.
Thanks so much I appreciate your feedback. This part from your reply that I quoted is exactly what I have difficulty with - the self discipline, saying this is what it is and the way it has to be without convincing yourself otherwise - I just can't figure out how to do that.

Also I know relaxation is of course very important. I wouldn't want you to think I was disregarding relaxation and determined to be an overachiever - in fact, I don't necessarily want to "over" achieve, I just want to realize my own potential because I'm not even coming close to doing that...

Thanks again. ;)
 

ILuvChuzzles31

Registered Member
T

I'm twenty years old, and I am blessed with all of the opportunity in the world. I live in a nice big house, my parents have generously given me my own nice car to get around in, I have a part-time job that grants me a wage far above that of my friends. I am blessed being fairly intelligent, I go to university. I base my 'above-par' intelligence off of the simple fact that I do absolutely NOTHING in university and I receive grades higher than most - high seventies to mid-eighties.

Many would think I am bragging, or showcasing myself to the world because many may think, what a life that sounds like, do nothing and reap the benefits. But this is not the case. The reason I am saying all of this is because I feel guilty, I feel horrible and I feel like I am throwing away all of this opportunity that others would give the world for - and I realize this which is why I am writing. I always say to myself, wow, I received what everyone else did on this exam and I barely studied at all, and then I always say, 'IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD HAVE RECEIVED IF I ACTUALLY STUDIED' - if I actually TRIED, if I actually GAVE A DAMN.

The same sort of concept exists in my world of fitness. I have always had a passion for health and fitness (in fact it is a highly relevant subject to my field of study) and I used to always love going to the gym, working out, and eating healthy. Nowadays the drive is just non existent. I make every excuse in the world not to go, or not to eat healthy - and it's not that I have grown out of shape, I am still in great shape and have incredible genetics for living an athletic lifestyle but once again - I throw it away as I could be DOING BETTER - I could be in BETTER shape if I actually pursued my dreams of having that sort of physique that I dream of. I see other people working out, or dieting, who would kill for the genetics I have been so blessed to have and here I am just throwing it all away. :shake:

I am very, very angry with myself. :mad: I don't want to throw it away. I want to pursue life, live to the fullest. Do MY best. If there is one sentence I can stress the most, please **READ THIS**: I firmly believe that one's quality of life is extremely subjective in the regard that as long as you are doing YOUR BEST, and chasing YOUR dreams and getting closer and closer everyday, you are living life to the absolute limits and should be proud of yourself. I am not proud of myself. I've said all that I have said because I KNOW I could be doing better, and living my own life to the fullest. Instead I just watch as time ticks away and continue with my habits to scrape by.

Now obviously if you have read to this point, you're probably thinking well this is a ridiculously stupid issue, it's as if i know the problem, so why don't I just fix it.(?) Here's the thing, my parents have always allowed me to be independent in the sense that I learn on my own how to be responsible by getting myself where I need to be, study when I have to, and pay my own way (for the leisure parts of life). Consequently, through my ability to do well in my studies while doing minimal work, and rushing around everywhere being late, I still "get the job done". My efforts to discipline myself have been unsuccessful, no matter how bad I want it, I always choose to be LAZY - that's my problem. I always think that some how things will work themselves out because they always do. I don't enjoy cramming for school work or rushing around trying to get somewhere - I'm always stressed out and a total mess because of it. Even if I tell myself that I'm going to be late if I don't do this now or leave now I'll convince myself that it'll be O.K and I can just wait a bit more and do it later and I always end up leaving it to the VERY LAST MINUTE and never learn because things seem to turn out O.K in the end but I don't want to settle for O.K - I want to do better by me. I want to be able to relax like everyone else and excel in what I do and be proud of myself but I just don't know how to actually do it - I'm down-right too damn lazy and I can't seem to convince myself to do better and get my shit together.

I want to be a better person, I want to push my own limits and see what they really are, I want to be a better boyfriend, brother, son, friend, and person amongst others. I want to be my best but I just feel so hopeless in my own efforts to do so that I don't know how to change such reckless habits.
You really need to use a little role reversal psychology on yourself.. You talked about people that would love to be in your shoes with your lifestyle..
Really think about being in the shoes of those that are not as fortunate as you..
Try taking away the car for a few days, money, clothes etc..Live like those that you say are not fortunate. See what it feels like.

After that you were talking about being a better boyfriend, son, brother etc..
Is your girlfriend just like you? Do you think she has a similar lifestyle?
what about your parents? Why do you believe they would let you live this way?
If you want to be a better person towards them think to yourself if this lifestyle that you have can hurt them personally in the future in anyway.
Examples will you be a disappointment after all to your parents and they say to themselves we made life to easy for him? If your brother is younger then you is this the lifestyle you would want him to have following in your example? Lastly if you marry this girl and you have a family with her would you want your children to be like you are now?
Stop and think about the future instead of the present and where you are at. The consequences after all are the future.

If all else fails I don't know if Canada has this but the US has boot camp where there will not be any chance for living the lifestyle you do.Get yourself an accountable person to help you.
If you want to do somethig and you know it's not right get another person to account those actions too.

BTW 2 more things...


and believe me when I say this even though this is the only thing you have posted it took a lot of guts to do this. One should be able to tell that you want to really change. You don't sound like a bad guy.. you just sound like you know your life should not be like this and you need a little extra help getting there.

At some point in life every person needs some kind of help.
I hope this helps and good luck.
 
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