I lead a boring life, but I never get burned.

#1
Since becoming a young adult, I have learned one or two things about myself.
For instance, my main qulam in life is arguments. I avoid them like the plague, I try everything I can possibly think of to stop them before they even start. As a result I never get burned, I'm never at the brunt of someone's anger.

As a result, I am very aware that my life at the moment is one that is probably extremely dull and boring. Or at least compared to most people I know, whether family, friends or just acquaintances.
They all (or most) go jumping into situations like charging rhinos whereas I choose the indolent, laid back, uninvolved stance. I don't know if it's unconscious, or not.
However, every so often I do notice just how boring my life is. I also realise that as far as arguments go, I haven't been involved in one for almost a decade now. Which I should assume is a good thing. Yet, others seem to go through these things, come out the other side, and have a bright episode to talk about. Whereas I have nothing to talk about because I am dull.

It draws my attention to types of conversation. Even on here there is evidence for it. Argumentative conversation, either the sort that is a direct argument, or one that is referring to another argument. It seems like a common theme for social interaction and chatter, yet I dislike it. I do not like conflict.

I have made a sort of mental note recently to be 'braver' - Yet, I'm not sure if this is worth it. What sort of person goes and looks for arguments? Seeing as I despise them like I do, I only associate arguments with arseholes, but I know that's not true. If it was, close friends would have that label by now.

So, please tell me, if you have a vague theory.
What is it that makes people argue? Is it linked to what sort of person they are, are they stressy sorts or humourless? I don't get it.
What makes arguments so fascinating to engage in, when in the end, they are not nice?

Thanks.
 

Merc

Certified Shitlord
V.I.P.
#2
Everybody has their own style, everybody 'lives' a different way than the other but the bottom line is that people find joy in different atmospheres. Some people enjoy conflict, some people don't. Also we have to realize that conflict doesn't mean "fighting" or "violence" it just means indifference. Some people, like myself, take joy in it because we get to experience the different views and opinions of others. Also, as a writer, I've grown to understand conflict as not only necessary but something that proves you're alive.
 

CaptainObvious

Son of Liberty
V.I.P.
#3
I've used the Ralph Macchio line in My Cousin Vinny many times when describing my family, they love to argue and they're professionals at it. I even told an ex-girlfriend once, I've seen your parents argue, believe me, they're amatuers.

I don't know if that's why I argue about things but as I also said the other day I don't come from a family of tongue biters. We freakin argue about everything but we never take anything personally. The next day it's as if nothing ever happened. So I don't know if it's genetic but to me it seems to be.
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
#4
What is it that makes people argue?
It makes them not have a life as boring as yours and that by giving/asking opinions you learn and discover new things about yourself and everyone around you.

Is it linked to what sort of person they are, are they stressy sorts or humourless? I don't get it.
It's linked to people who like sharing their opinions. who want their voice to be heard and at the same time waiting for a feedback. Not always is it related to stressy or humorless people (as you call it).
And if you are stressed and want to argue, than there's nothing wrong with it. You help yourself.

What makes arguments so fascinating to engage in, when in the end, they are not nice?
They are fascinating if you want to know that some things can be understood/seen in many different angles and that your point of view is not the only valid one.
 

PretzelCorps

Registered Member
#5
Unfortunately, you need to get burned in order to truly appreciate the state of unburned-ness, with regard to any aspect of life; you cannot have happiness without misery as a point of referece. That said, conflict is most certainly not the only way to take risks and harm yourself. Everyone has an appreciation for different things, mostly based on how they themselves have been burned, and anyone that's been burned especially bad by an environment of confrontation will likely have a genuine appreciation for your stoicism.

As for bravery, most reasonable people won't hold it against you when you don't leap headlong into a heated debate. Where bravery is concerned is when someone challenges you or your fundamental beliefs directly; you should be willing to fight back for what you really believe in, and sometimes that takes a gulp or two or five, but once you stand up for yourself a couple times it builds confidence.
 
#6
Personally I like aruging well debating is a better word for it. It's an argument but it's over something that will just prove the person wrong not hurt their feelings or something stupid like that. If you get beat then all you get was "oh yeah you were right" and you hit the bong. But yeah arguing is awesome especially when you know what you're talking about, if you don't know what you're talking about then don't argue because it's pointless you'll lose. The more arguments you win the less people will question you because you always appear to be right.
 

Dabs

Registered Member
#7
I don't like to argue.
I watched and listened to my Mother and Dad for years.....then I argued with both husbands....still argue with one of them from time to time, but it's not a biggie.
For me, it's not an issue of getting the last word or being right, it's just being heard...period.
You say what you have to say, but let me say mine too......stress is a trigger factor for me, I tend to become more argumentive if I am stressing.
 

Wade8813

Registered Member
#8
Since becoming a young adult, I have learned one or two things about myself.

For instance, my main qualm in life is arguments. I avoid them like the plague, I try everything I can possibly think of to stop them before they even start. As a result I never get burned, I'm never at the brunt of someone's anger.

As a result, I am very aware that my life at the moment is one that is probably extremely dull and boring. Or at least compared to most people I know, whether family, friends or just acquaintances.
They all (or most) go jumping into situations like charging rhinos whereas I choose the indolent, laid back, uninvolved stance. I don't know if it's unconscious, or not.

However, every so often I do notice just how boring my life is. I also realise that as far as arguments go, I haven't been involved in one for almost a decade now. Which I should assume is a good thing. Yet, others seem to go through these things, come out the other side, and have a bright episode to talk about. Whereas I have nothing to talk about because I am dull.

It draws my attention to types of conversation. Even on here there is evidence for it. Argumentative conversation, either the sort that is a direct argument, or one that is referring to another argument. It seems like a common theme for social interaction and chatter, yet I dislike it. I do not like conflict.

I have made a sort of mental note recently to be 'braver' - Yet, I'm not sure if this is worth it. What sort of person goes and looks for arguments? Seeing as I despise them like I do, I only associate arguments with arseholes, but I know that's not true. If it was, close friends would have that label by now.

So, please tell me, if you have a vague theory.
What is it that makes people argue? Is it linked to what sort of person they are, are they stressy sorts or humourless? I don't get it.
What makes arguments so fascinating to engage in, when in the end, they are not nice?

Thanks.
First of all, I don't think not arguing means your life is boring. Were I to think of the top 100 fun, exciting times in my life, I don't think arguing would be anywhere on the list.

Also, when you say arguing, do you include friendly debates? There's a world of difference between two people getting in a shouting match and yelling obscenities at each other, and friends who get into a friendly, lively debate about what happens if you have a stack of an infinite number of turtles, and every other one disintegrates (true story).

Interestingly enough, I was right in the middle of reading an article about this sort of thing when I clicked on your thread.

Divorce Predictor
The number one predictor of divorce is the habitual avoidance of conflict.
What's sad is the reason that we avoid conflict is because we believe it (conflict) causes divorce.
It's like the cartoon where the couple explains to the marriage counselor,
"We never talk anymore. We figured out that's when we do all our fighting."
In the beginning, we avoid conflict because we are in love and we believe that
"staying in love" is about agreeing, about NOT fighting.

We're afraid that if we disagree - or fight - we'll run our marriage off into the ditch.
We believe that if we've found our soulmate, we'll agree about most things - and
certainly about the important things.
Later, we avoid conflict because when we try to deal with our differences
things get so out of hand and our fights so destructive and upsetting
that we simply shut down. After a few bad blow-ups we
become determined to avoid conflict at any cost. And, we start wondering
if we married the wrong person. It shouldn't be this hard.

Successful couples are those who know how to discuss their differences
in ways that actually strengthen their relationship and improve intimacy.
Successful couples know how to contain their disagreements – how to keep them from
spilling over and contaminating the rest of their relationship.

While it's true that we don't get married to handle conflict, if a couple doesn't
know how – or learn how – to fight or disagree successfully, they won't be able to
do all the other things they got married to do.
Put another way, it's hard to take her out to the ball game if you're not speaking.

Couples are often so determined to avoid disagreements that they shut down – quit speaking, quit loving.
Couples need to know what the research has found: that every happy, successful couple has
approximately ten areas of "incompatibility" or disagreement that they will never resolve.
Instead, the successful couples learn how to manage the disagreements and live life "around" them
– to love in spite of their areas of difference, and to develop understanding and empathy for
their partner's positions.

The divorce courts have it all wrong. "Irreconcilable differences" – like a bad knee or a chronic back – are
not a reason to divorce. Instead, they are part of every good marriage. Successful couples
learn to dance in spite of their differences. They gain comfort in knowing they know their partner,
know which areas they disagree on and must learn to manage.

They also understand that if they switch partners they'll just get ten new areas of disagreement, and sadly,
the most destructive will be about the children from their earlier relationships.

In addition to skills for handling disagreements, we also have to learn to welcome and embrace change.
When we marry we promise to stay together till death us do part – but, we don't promise to stay the same.
That would be deadly dull. We need skills and confidence to welcome, integrate, and negotiate change along the way.

The good news is that the skills or behaviors – behaviors for handling disagreement and conflict,
for integrating change, and for expressing love, intimacy, sex, support,
and appreciation – can all be learned. Couples can unlearn the behaviors that predict divorce –
that destroy love – and replace them with behaviors that keep love alive.​
 
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Dekzper

Registered Member
#9
My life is def NOT boring! And i dont like to argue but there's tons of times when you have to! Like when my brother or one of my friends says something really weird. I'm def all over that! But yeah, i usually have a lot more fun when i'm not arguing about things.
 
#10
Sometimes, the joy of life lies in the differences in everyone. I, myself, couldn't imagine my life without the presence of tons of great arguments. I argue with my friends constantly...about politics, religion, relationships, etc...the point is, there is a way to argue that doesn't involve emotion. The problem with most people is that they cannot separate emotion from opinion. Anyways, argument can be great...you learn the opinions of others and hone your own identity in the process.