I don't quite know how to classify this...

This was written in a moment of frustration with a situation. I'm not sure what to call it. It is somewhat autobiographical, and it is partially a political statement. I guess that it could be loosely classified as an essay.

I know that it is rather muddled, but this is the order that it came out of my head in. This was written on the Day of Silence. And there is at least one reference to it in there.

Adrienne Etienne Houseman


Heart of the Matter
(c) Adrienne Etienne Houseman

I confuse people, that's at the heart of some of the problems that I have. With some friends, I am in physical contact with them almost all of the time, with others, there is a constant distance. It's not necessarily got anything to do with how close I am to someone either.

I'm an alpha male for all that my shell is that of a woman. I protect those close to me. No matter what. But alpha females (if I like and trust them) get my automatic devotion. Yeah, I think of human interactions through the lens of a wolf pack. It makes sense in my head. On average, I'm more comfortable around dominant women and submissive men. I'm backwards from society, I know, what the hell.

I like women romantically, but I am more comfortable with men on average. But then again, despite the pretty girl clothes that I have adopted, I am pretty much a guy inside. This is one of the ones that confuses matters the most. I can't be classified.

Fuck classifications. They are the heart of the problem that all modern day rights movements face. LGBTQQ, how many more letters can we add? I just call myself queer most times, but people get confused, cause that's not specific enough. You know what, all your specifications are what make Queer Rights attempts shrivel up and die. There's nothing to form up around, no sense of the underlying humanity of all of us. I don't give a damn if you like men or women or anything in between, I don't give a flying fuck what color your skin is, you could be purple for all that I cared.

I DO give a damn what sort of person you are. Are you kind to others, do you tell the truth, are you loyal, do you do the right thing by yourself and those around you? Those are important questions. Why the hell do we care who someone wants to share a bed and their lives with? If they do it with honour and respect it should be nobodies business but theirs.

There are things that are wrong, on a fundamental level. Me wanting to sleep with another woman sure as hell isn't one of them. Three people who all live together in harmony and create a healthy environment for themselves: why should people see that as wrong? So it's not conventional to have more than one lover? Where does that come from? Who says that that should be the case? Who has the right to impose how many people someone is with, or whether they are with anyone at all.

There is a pressure in our society for women and men to meet certain standards. For people to get married have the requisite number of children. Be good straight, probably Christian members of society. Ha! Many of the best people that I know come nowhere near any of that, many of the people that society acknowledges as heroic come nowhere near all of that.

Why can't all of us who have faced opression for traits that we were born with stand side by side and say: "We are people, why do you care anything beyond that." Because that is what is truly important, we are people, we're not some statistic, we shouldn't be classified in some tiny compartment.

We are individuals. Each of us has our own life experience, our own values. Let us have them.

I am just another human. Why shouldn't I be treated the same as you? Or you? What about you? What makes someone better? I am me, you are you, we are people, and we should be treated as such.