Husband Advice

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Msbabedoll, Jul 22, 2005.

  1. Msbabedoll

    Msbabedoll Registered Member

    Ok So we haven't been married that long, but lately he's getting undre my skin!

    These are the things that are bothering me, read them and give me your opinion and keep in mind he really is a great guy, we just need to tweak some things! :)

    Ok, we both work. I come home and when I get done with supper I like to get on the computer. Its in the living room and I can talk to him while I am on there! I dont stay on THAT long you all know that you hardly ever see me on here at night! So, he's been gripeing that I stay on the computer all evening and then move to the couch and fall asleep! Kinda makes me mad because first off all, usually the tv is on the speed channel, I DONT WANT TO WATCH THAT! Second he usually just falls asleep while watching tv weather I am watching it with him or on the computer!

    Ok so two nights in a row he is wanting to go over to a friend of his house to help him work on his computer. He asks me to go and both times I say no. I'm tired, I've been up since 5 AM, the kids have drove me nuts since I got home and I have PMS. I DONT WANT TO go mingle with anyone on a work night and drag Paxton around till 10 oclock! So he doesn't go because I wont go with him! SO I guess we are going tonight UGH!

    Also, I am reminded CONSTANTLY that if he catches me chatting it up with guys online that the computer goes! And he is ALWAYS reminding me that if I ever cheat on him it is over right then and there. Now this irritates me to no end because I was married for almost 17 years before James died and NEVER ONCE did I EVER cheat on him!!

    So am I just being a heifer or do I have reason to feel this way?
     
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  2. TGirl

    TGirl Registered Member

    insecurity...............mom always said that if a man is jealous or shows jealousy then he is usually the one doing something wrong and feels that you could have the opportunity to also do something wrong....
    but in your case I don't think that is....did your hubby have a wife or two that cheated???? If that is the case he loves you so much and he does not want you to wonder! Case proven that men are like babies (not bashing men at all) but like a baby......all fed bathed and diaper changed, so no reason to cry or be unhappy....but if you leave the room they will cry...but if you sit right next to them they feel secure and are happy!
    Computers are a big threat these days....people are getting on them "just for fun" and then they meet someone with same interests or people that show them a bit more attention than they get at home and they end up straying....we all know this...there has been many divorces over on-line affairs.......and as we know it so does your hubby....he is threatened that you will leave him for someone else.....
    But on the other hand....I think that it is crap that if we have not done anything in the past to be acused of it in the future.....uggggggggg I would be so pissed and not to mention hurt at him for even insinuating that I would do such a thing!!!
    But I am not sure there is a way to fix it or reason with it! uggggggggg
     
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  3. Nightsurfer

    Nightsurfer ~Lucky 13 strikes again~

    Hi. I know I'm a guy but I had to put in my two cents worth.
    I say turnabought is fair play..Just do everything he does to you right back at him...If he wants you to go to a friends and sit well the next day you do the same...If he is going to insist that you don't chat it up with guys you do the same..Put all the same demands on him that are placed on you...

    Or you can try the age old practice of talking, tell him what's bothering you and why..Then see if things can be changed...If all else fails cut off the nookie train till he gets the idea..Well that's my two cents worth..Gotta jet :warp:
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2005
  4. fairyquadmother

    fairyquadmother Registered Member

    Gosh Night.. I love ya.... BUT... :) I think it's best not to play those types of games.

    I was married 16 years and we had some of the same problems Jen. he was jealous of the computer, and if I made a point not to be on it while he was home from work, he'd fall asleep in the chair with something stupid on tv on.

    Most of that stuff is just childish "look at me more" bull crap, but the thing that worries me the most is him accusing you of cheating. This happens for 2 reasons. Either he's doing it or has done it in the past, or he has had it done to him at some point. Remind him, that people who are accused of cheating for years on end, eventually just do it because they're getting accused of it anyway so why not.

    i would also suggest that you get into some couples counseling to address some issues that you have. You could probably fix everything in 3-4 sessions which wouldn't cost a lot.

    And lastly, make an effort to spend more time with him (and him you). Talk with him about setting up a date night, just the 2 of you, no kids. If money is an issue (and who doesn't have money issues anymore), it could be a picnic, a walk in the park, a hike, a camp out, whatever. But make sure it's at least twice a month (once a week is better) and it's just you 2.

    That sure would have helped Phillip and I so much more than anything.
     
    AngelsPeak likes this.
  5. nani1987

    nani1987 Registered Member

    good advice night........... I get hounded by my kids and my husband that I am on my computer too much they are always playing video games what am i to do.......... so I go on the computer..........so don't feel so bad........ I have more guy friend than i do women friends always have my two best friends are two brothers i call and talk to all the time either on line or on the phone. and they are both married , sometimes they call me up and me advice about a problem since i known them like FOREVER and they tell me things they won't tell their wife. I told them that is the quickes way to a div.. they need to share everything with them not me.........makes me look bad.
    but good advice night.
    nani
    heck i would do it..............
     
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  6. Nightsurfer

    Nightsurfer ~Lucky 13 strikes again~

    Hi again.I don't suggest that you play games..My ex wife did those things and a whole lot worse. I learned the hard way..

    Now me and Dawn have been married for 10 years. And I have never had to deal with the BS my ex put me through..Wasn't pretty(Tater was there to see it all happen and to see the aftermath)

    Like I also said "Talk" to him. Tell him what you told us and how much it bothers you..Mabey it will open his eyes or your plight.
     
  7. AngelsPeak

    AngelsPeak Wanna play?

    Jenn, sorry your going through this. It's always tough when the newness has worn off and you start treating each other like just another human being. It's something every relationship goes through.
    I wouldn't even attempt to hand out any advice, mainly because I'm not a therapist and I have never met you guys.
    Just hang in there.....love endures bumps through every road it travels, some bigger than others. If it's meant to be then your realtionship will endure!
    Please know, I'm thinking of you and hoping everything works out! I truly consider you a "friend" and hate to think your hurting for any reason!
     
  8. Msbabedoll

    Msbabedoll Registered Member


    Yes Trina he has had three previous wives and they all cheated. makes no sense to me why, but i have been patient with him knowing this, but as time goes by it gets VERY OLD!


    Thanks girl! he isn't accusing me of cheating, its just IF YOU Do stuff, which does make me mad, because I am NOT a cheater. i think time together would help, lately we have had NO time together alone. This weekend the kids are going to grandmas. Hopfully we can get some stuff straight.


    Thanks! I truely believe we will make it over this hurddle, because I DO love him. I just wish he knew how much I loved him. Night I have talked to him about this and told him that i would never do anything like this and he just says that is what they said too. I know we have alot to work through and in time we will get it worked out. I just dont want it almost driving me away before then! :)
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2005
  9. Nanner

    Nanner Registered Member

    Been married for (almost....in a few weeks) 24 yrs and same thing as far as the computer. He's watching war/car/mob/sports crap on TV and I'm sitting on the couch with the laptop....he still bitches. He can talk to me anytime when I'm on here....no problem. On the other hand if it's something "important" (HA!) I get "the look" if it's not during a commercial. Still I hear "always on the computer"........ I think after the 8 zillion time I asked why it's different than sitting on your butt in front of the TV he's finally gotten it. Sort of.

    As for meeting/talking to guys online. Sure I've met my share (and done my share of flirting :)) hell he's even met a few of them in real life. (from my hosting days) Of course he doesn't have your hubbys history with past cheaters. I'm sure that makes a big difference! We're both flirts but know that is all it is....flirting. Actually I'm worse than he is about it :) I can get away with things that he can't.....of course that is MY opinion....not his :D

    I think we're also a bit unusual in that we take seperate vacations from time to time. He goes off fishing or something with "the guys" and I do my thing in Vegas or FL or where ever. Then again we've been together since we were 16.....but even then we gave each other freedom to do things....within reason of course.

    Sure there have been rocky patches and we even did some counceling sessions not so many years ago. (yes, they do help)!

    I agree very much so that talking is sooooooo important! I see your hardest thing to get past is getting him to understand that you are you and not any of the other women in his life. Not sure how you would do that but maybe a few counceling sessions can help with that one.

    Ahhh I notice that you say "we both work" and then you say "when I get done with supper" Now that would be a sore spot for me! (oh yeah Nancy....add fuel....)

    Anyway I'm starting to babble but wanted to say that sometimes I think some of these things come in the handbook they get when they are born (a few exceptions of course :D)

    Also to wish you good luck and make the most of your weekend together! Enjoy it and each other......and of course talk talk talk.
     
    AngelsPeak likes this.
  10. TGirl

    TGirl Registered Member

    The only problem I see with all of this is ....WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I miss my JEN!!!!!!!!!!! Doesn't he realize I need you tooooooooo hahahahahah
    really I do hope you can get things worked out and that he see's you have FRIENDS on here!!!
     

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