How Would You React?

Discussion in 'Dating & Relationships' started by Shwa, Sep 15, 2010.

  1. Shwa

    Shwa Gay As Fuck V.I.P. Lifetime

    So a situation arose between some conversation I had with a close gay friend of mine. His new lover for a year now recently told him that he was HIV +, but didn't tell him from the beginning. My friend was a little freaked at first, but after getting tested he proved to still be negative and went about his business. Honestly I know both of them well (his lover was a bartender where I bartended at for a while), but even I didn't know his health status or gave it much thought.

    From the beginning, and by law, not revealing your health status of a viral nature is illegal. Since I'm in the medical profession I was worried when I heard about this from the start, but my friend was cool and they're still dating. I got nothing against it.

    But let's switch players and roles, how would you guys and gals react if you knew your boyfriend/girlfriend/lover was positive from the start...but never told you? How would you see things? Would you re-evaluate your whole relationship or just go about your lives happily as you were? Another good question would be if it would matter in the first place.

    Discuss.

    ~Shwa
     

  2. Millz

    Millz Lance Catamaran Staff Member V.I.P.

    I would to start to wonder if I could trust the other person. Granted, that is not something you'd probably mention on a first date or anything but if you're with someone for an extended period of time you need to tell them.

    I wouldn't take it very well to be honest. I know they were probably too nervous to tell me but trust and honesty are a huge deal to me. Lying or withholding information just doesn't work for me.
     
  3. Major

    Major 4 legs good 2 legs bad V.I.P.

    I see that as lying and I would have a hard time trusting that person anymore. Not to mention he was hiding something that could potentially be life-threatening. Like Millz said, it doesn't need to be mentioned on the first date, but definitely before there is any sex.
     
  4. Unity

    Unity Chett Chetterfield Staff Member

    Like Millz said, something like that is a huge violation of trust. Not regular trust, but trust involving a serious health problem. I mean, how can you believe that the person cares for you if they didn't reveal that from the start? And even if they genuinely do care, I'm not sure it's the kind I'd want lol.

    It would definitely lead me to reevaluate the relationship and seriously consider whether it's worth keeping.
     
  5. Shwa

    Shwa Gay As Fuck V.I.P. Lifetime

    Breaking or bending any trust in a relationship has more than enough proven to be fatal for the couple, either on one side or the other. If it were me, yea I would be freaked to find out so late and not sometime in the beginning, it would drag on in my mind for a good while.

    But can anyone sympathize with the other party (the side that didn't inform)? I mean, they obviously found someone who shares affection and love towards that person, yet there's a key element that can instantly ruin a possible good thing. Can either or you say that you'd be happy with living with someone who had a viral disease? Honestly, I don't know if I could or not, the situation has never occured.

    I like to look at both sides before making a choice on the matter, unfortunately I've only been on one.

    ~Shwa
     
  6. EllyDicious

    EllyDicious made of AMBIGUITY V.I.P. Lifetime

    I would consider it very selfish of my partner to not tell me about such a HUGE issue, especially [just like Echoes said ] when this could threaten my life.

    So he kept it for himself and didn't care to reveal such thing because he was afraid of his partner's reaction. Is this more important than the fact that his partner could become positive?
    I see this as a huge problem and I would break up with him immediate. [not because he's positive, but because he thought more about himself than about his partner's risk.]
     
  7. Diederick

    Diederick Registered Member

    I can understand why it would be hard for someone (not everyone I guess) to talk about a positive status, especially when you are in love with someone and feel like you don't want to risk the relationship. But I'd like to make my boyfriend feel that he can share anything with me, and vice versa - that I would like to be open about everything to him. Not talking about issues never helps anyone and can only lead to more unfortunate tensions.

    Would my boyfriend/husband/whatever be HIV positive, that'd be a problem for me. I would find it a great health risk and, especially as a nurse, would have trouble explaining away the (although minimal) risk of contaminating patients. It is a very sad thing to be HIV+, but besides being compassionate towards someone who is HIV+, I would also have to say that the infection makes them undesirable to a degree as a partner. It's not a complete NO, but would definitely be considered as a negative issue.
     
  8. ysabel

    ysabel /ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5

    It's really not something you could say on a first date...or in cases where people engage in sex before they've really gotten to know each other (this is not rare, lol!). In these cases, I wouldn't blame the person for not voluntarily offering "oh hey, I have std". I would tend to understand withholding information, but if I asked pointblank and the person said No, then that's just lying and I would have a problem with that. The truth is, people rarely ask each other these questions because you gotta admit, it's not romantic and people just assume everyone who looks healthy is healthy. That said, I think EVERY person should be responsible anyway and have protected sex until they really get to know their partners well. That, or abstain from sex before you know the other well.
     
    Jeanie likes this.
  9. Unity

    Unity Chett Chetterfield Staff Member

    Shwa, I can understand the other person's dilemma...my assumption is chances are that 99.99% of the time that this happens it's because they care so deeply about their loved one that they're afraid to lose them...does that sound about right?
     
    ysabel likes this.
  10. Shwa

    Shwa Gay As Fuck V.I.P. Lifetime


    Agreed, and its kinda sad at the same time that they're in that mentality that someone wont love them no matter what ails them. But, as stated by myself and previous posters on here, it is still untruthful and vary hazardous to not mention anything at all. Or at the very least, offer to have protective sex like Ysa mentioned when dating and then taking it further from there.

    I would imagine that would give enough time and courage to tell the partner about the health issues.

    ~Shwa
     

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