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How would you change this story to make it less cliche?

JAdams

Registered Member
I'm not really asking for help, I'm just wondering how you'd change this story I had in my head since 2003. It was called The Mighty Ninja C. It was a complete rip off of an old Japanese anime show called Dragon Ball Z. The basic premises was the same, really. A bunch of superhumanly powerful people save the world constantly from the monsters. The main characters of The Mighty Ninja C were Mohawk, Mojack (Brother of Mohawk), Davie (Mohawk’s son), Ishim, and Isadore. Back when I was fourteen, I had a kick out of thinking about this peice of crap.[/COLOR]

It had so many clichés, you wouldn’t even be able to imagine it. Let me list out some for you.

1) Set in the modern world, so they have to hide their Ninja identities.
2) Blind ninja? You got it! That was Davie.
3) Ninja out to avenge a murdered father? That was Isadore.
4) Abusive ninja master? (That was Ishim’s master.)
5) Some supernatural power? That’s how I explained the possibility of Davie to fight with his dad.
6) Katana in a cane? Davie had it. The black top that acts as a handle was also the sword handle.
7) Ninja in a high school? Davie was a fifteen-year-old sophomore with a crush on a girl.
8) Ninja kicks a bully’s arse? Davie again! This is what exposes himself as a ninja to the world.

That’s all I can think up of now, but I can assure you that this probably had many other clichés about ninjas as well.

While I'm not that wild by redoing it, I'm just wondering what your advice would be should I start it again? What should I keep, change, or remove completely?

My ideas:
#1- The names must be changed.
#2- Remove the vengeful ninja and the whole secret identity.
#3- The title, for the love of god. The title!
 

NeoCaesar

Registered Member
Ninja genre stories are so cult that I think their cliches should be, and often are, celebrated. It's like bad b-movies -the cliches are perfectly fitting. Make them tongue-in-cheek and enjoy...
 

JAdams

Registered Member
Wish I could mate, but I can't figure out how to edit. :<

@ Nero- That's what I figured. Since the thing's about flying ninja with katana swords, I shouldn't worry about cliches at all. It should be a campy, tounge-in-cheek fun little thing. I think I'll have Davie be the main character since, to me, he's a lot more cooler than Mohawk. =D

Well, I guess I'd better take the concept of flying ninjas, Davie, and work something out of it. As long as I make a somewhat decent story arc out of it, that's all it counts.
 
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JAdams

Registered Member
But it isn't the Power Rangers at all. For starters, it's more of a fantasy-esque story that's a parody of ninja cliches. The story centers around this concept of a "ninja spirit" (I'll think of a better name, promise) that gives the ninjas their power.
 

rubberdaffy

Registered Member
But it isn't the Power Rangers at all. For starters, it's more of a fantasy-esque story that's a parody of ninja cliches. The story centers around this concept of a "ninja spirit" (I'll think of a better name, promise) that gives the ninjas their power.
This still reminds me of the second season of the Power Rangers. Even the movie based off the TV Show.
 

ShadesInBetween

New Member
Hey, I never really got into the whole Dragon Ball Z lovefest, but I had seen a few episodes. I definitely think that Davie should be given the main character role, especially since most of your tags involve him in some way or another.

Realistically thinking (which, I guess given the genre shouldn't really be expected... xD) beating up a fellow student, bully or not, shouldn't threaten his identity in the least. Even if he should use martial arts it wouldn't seem too outrageous.
If he seriously maimed or killed the bully, it might be more conceivable, and offers a lot more room to maneuver plot and characters.

I'm not sure I understand the whole idea of super humans saving the world from monsters constantly. Personally I would go for a more organization/academy rivalry; one organization threatening world dominance and the other (Davie's) constantly thwarting it. I suppose that's rather cliched as well though, so.. xD

Also, Isadore: "I'm looking for the man with six fingers. He killed my father." Lol. Honestly, there are a lot of characters in books and movies that are out to avenge a murdered loved one. But it works. If you want to chop that particular bit out you definitely can, but cliched or not it offers a lot for Isadore.

I hope I've been helpful =)
 
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