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How to deal with clingy people?

Crouton

Ninja
V.I.P.
Okay, so I am 20 years old and still live at home with my Mum. That's because I'm currently attending a Uni course in my hometown and won't have to move for another year at least, which is when I will be moving course to a University in the city.

I'm having issues though with my Mum who is really clingy a lot of the time and as bad as it sounds it's starting to drive me crazy. She lives here with her partner but he spends a lot of time alone in his room on the computer. I personally prefer to just hang out in my own room most of the time, reading, watching DVD's, playing games, going online etc.

Because of this I think my Mum feels lonely, and she is always nagging me to watch TV with her which is what drives me insane. I usually find just watching TV quite boring, especially the shows she likes to watch, yet she always seems to act insulted and upset when I say no. How do I stop her being so clingy without hurting her feelings? I love my Mum to bits but I'm 20 years old and want a bit of privacy in the house to do my own thing. Is it so bad so say I don't want to just sit on the couch all night every night watching boring TV shows with her just so I can't stop her nagging me. I know it sounds awful but she is turning spending time with her almost into a chore for me, something I have to do routinely everynight when I would rather be doing other things.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with clingy people?
 

Wade8813

Registered Member
It depends on the person. In her case, I'd probably try to find something that you both like doing together (not TV obviously - maybe crafts, or people watching, or exercise) to do once in a while, so that she's not alone as much. My dad's not clingy, but often I'll play a board game with him (chess, or go, or Broadside, or whatever). He enjoys it, it's kinda fun for me, and it's time spent together.

Chances are, something that you both do as an actual activity will be more meaningful to her than just sitting by you while watching TV.
 

Crouton

Ninja
V.I.P.
Hmm, we do a lot of activities outside of home. Shopping for example, and eating out. We often go out for lunch or dinner and spend time with each other then. It just seems that she wants me to be with her every single minute of the day while she is at home, and really in my house there's no much else to do except just sit around. I can't think of any other activities we could both do. We sometimes cook. I'll keep brainstorming though, it's a good idea.
 

Wade8813

Registered Member
Definitely keep trying to think of things (and maybe find some things you can do while "watching" tv).

But if you're already doing a fair amount of things with her, then I think you may just have to talk to her about it. Explain that you enjoy spending time with her, but also like doing stuff in your room, and that sitting in front of the TV is boring to you.
 

HalfEatenSurprise

Registered Member
Neglect your personal hygiene for about two months. Nobody likes hanging about with a smelly person.
Or just tell her? As politely as possible, I'm sure she'll appreciate that you want a bit of your own space.
 

Major

4 legs good 2 legs bad
V.I.P.
Yeah, I would either find something other than TV that you both enjoy doing together, or just be honest and tell her you want some space. Keep in mind that once you move out you may miss be able to spend time with her.
 

Unity

Living in Ikoria
Staff member
My advice is pretty similar to what a couple of people have said thus far; I think just being honest that you need some space and time to yourself because of your age would probably make sense. You could still do this and say in the same breath that you're not wanting to quit spending time together, just wanting to spread it out a little more.
 

Crouton

Ninja
V.I.P.
All good advice (especially the hygiene thing, although I don't know if I could get away with that one). Ever since my sister moved out it's been just Mum and I. And although she would never say it I'm pretty sure my Mum never wants me to move out. She enjoys my company. If it were up to her I would be still living at home until I'm 40. Of course I would never let that happen, but that's just the feeling I get from her.

Again, thanks for the advice guys.
 

Unity

Living in Ikoria
Staff member
All good advice (especially the hygiene thing, although I don't know if I could get away with that one). Ever since my sister moved out it's been just Mum and I. And although she would never say it I'm pretty sure my Mum never wants me to move out. She enjoys my company. If it were up to her I would be still living at home until I'm 40. Of course I would never let that happen, but that's just the feeling I get from her.

Again, thanks for the advice guys.
Anytime, and feel free to come back to this thread to update us on how things change (or stay the same)!
 

JaneSmith

Registered Member
Hide her boyfriends computer.
You're 20, you are not responsible for your mums happiness.
Although her love style is spending time together it should be him and not you doing that. Suggest she move the tv into his computer room or find a new boyfriend. You are on the verge of your life and babysitting your mum isn't what you should be doing.
How about getting a dorm or place of your own?
 
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