How should I do this?

Discussion in 'Advice Board' started by pikachu1, Mar 27, 2008.

  1. pikachu1

    pikachu1 Registered Member

    I've come to the realization that I am gay. I love one of my friends but don't know how to tell him. He is straight. I also haven't told my family I am gay either. I've wanted to go on a date with a few guys before but I am too scared to tell my family and friends. My dad told me and my siblings growing up that he can't stand "fags" and that he couldn't ever accept it if any of us were gay. I was thinking of telling my youger sister since she has always supported me in everything I've done but recently she has gotten very angry with me due to my "new" attitude. I've tried to be more open about it but either no one notices or thinks I'm acting strange.
     

  2. Jeanie

    Jeanie still nobody's bitch V.I.P. Lifetime

    How old are you?

    I don't think I would tell my friend if I were you. Unless you know that there's a chance he feels the same way, you risk losing the friendship. That goes for any situation in which a person has feelings for a friend, gay or straight.

    I don't have any advice on coming out, as I've never had to deal with it. All I can say is good luck, and know that you'll be supported here.
     
  3. pikachu1

    pikachu1 Registered Member

    Well, I am 20. I have been feeling "this way" since I was 17. My parents keep asking me why I never bring any girls home to date but I always tell them that all the girls in my class are ugly or annoying(which isn't true at all). This has caused my parents to think I'm a wierd shut-in(my mom said this to me). I just don't know how to go about doing this.
     
  4. Iris

    Iris rainbow 11!

    You need to think to yourself, are you ready to come out? Do you have a few close friends who will love you no matter what? If so, I'd tell them. Test the waters. Try to find out how your mom feels about homosexuals without telling her, I'd also do the same with your sister. *Hugs*
     
  5. Jeanie

    Jeanie still nobody's bitch V.I.P. Lifetime

    wow, I'm sorry your parents aren't very understanding.

    *hugs*
     
  6. pikachu1

    pikachu1 Registered Member

    Well the reason i think my mom is acting the way she is, is because she thinks I'm straight and is finding it odd that I haven't brought any girls over. So it's understandable. My dad was brought up in a very strict close minded house so he is just going by how he was raised.
     
  7. Phoenix

    Phoenix Fee-nix

    I agree with what Himie said. Try to find a few of your friends (peers or older adults) who can support you. Finding support in friends is very helpful. Also, make sure you feel comfortable with yourself before telling anyone who might take it the wrong way. It's very important to find support within yourself and from others. As far as your parents go....I'm really sorry to hear that they aren't accepting. That will make it hard. But if you do decide to tell them, make sure you make it clear to them that you are still the same person, and that you still love them.
    This might have some things that could help...
    OutProud - Coming Out to Your Parents

    Good luck. :)
     
  8. AdrienneEHouseman

    AdrienneEHouseman Registered Member

    From personal experience, it is easier to find a friend who you are close to but aren't romantically interested in to come out to first. Making sure that coming out is something that you are ready to do is important. At 18, I am not ready to come out to my parents yet, though I did try once a few years back. They have too much potential to wreck my life if they take things the wrong way. I'm out to all of my friends these days though I started out slow.

    Finding a few friends who you can trust to come out to first, who will be there to support you if you need it, is a very important thing.

    Coming out to your friend is important if you want to be out to people. Telling him that you like him could be a very bad idea, if there is no possibility for a relationship there, it could strain your relationship. That being said, if he knows you well, he may guess. And if he outright asks you, I would be truthful...

    That help any?

    Adri
     
  9. oxyMORON

    oxyMORON A Darker Knight

    Well, definitely don't tell your parents or any other homophobic people. Be 100% sure that whoever you tell will be understanding. From what you've said, your sister seems to be the only one you can trust.

    Straight guys are probably the least forgiving. That's just a guess. Try to remember anyone who've made serious comments about disliking gays and make sure they can't find out.
     
  10. soot

    soot Registered Member

    The following link will take you to a forum for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender discussion.

    I did a lot of searching and this seems to be one of the few sites that isn't littered with pornography, pick-ups, exploitation, etc...

    There are already a few threads on coming out, coming out to your parents, how to know you're gay, and other such topics. And I didn't even have to look too hard to find them.

    I can give you advice that I think would be useful to you, but regardless of how well meaning my advice is it isn't advice based on experience. And with a subject as sensitive as this I think your best bet would be to go talk to other people who have actually been through what you're going through.

    I can't vouch for the site. It may be complete bullshit.

    But at least go check it out.

    Hopefully you'll find people like you who are dealing with the issues you're dealing with, and I'm even more hopeful that you'll find people who have already been there and done that and come out the other side happier and at peace with the decissions they've made.

    Empty Closets - Powered by vBulletin

    Check out the "Support" forum, and then "Support and Advice". That's where I found the topics I mention above.

    Good luck bro.
     

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