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How long before having sex?


This is not for those who want to wait til marriage.

So, when you start dating someone new, how long do you wait to have sex with them?
What do you think would be an appropriate time for your standards?

For me it all depends, but definitely..not on the first or 2nd date.
Plus, most of the people I've dated, I haven't had sex with them. Only a few of them have gotten intimate with me.

I've heard stories though that people have had sex on their first date (not talking about one night stands) and they have gotten married as well.

What do you think?


Problematic Shitlord
I don't see a purpose in putting any sort of time table on sex, it adds unnecessary pressure. My girlfriend and nearly rounded third on our first date and five years later, we're doing pretty great.

It's all about comfort. Sex is one of the greatest experiences you can share with someone and definitely one of the most fun. That's it. There's way too much mystery given to it and it makes people overly concerned about it.

If you trust someone and it feels right, what harm is there?


Living in Ikoria
Staff member
I generally think past 3 or more dates is a normal timeline, but it depends on who you're with. For example, if someone were to start dating a very old friend and things were really working out, I don't see a problem with having sex soon. I guess I kind of agree with both of you here - as a general rule I don't look for it early like Elly said, but as Merc said things don't always work out once set way.


I ♥ Haters
I think it comes down to comfort. If you're comfortable with your partner and there's no pressure involved, I'd say go for it. I suppose it doesn't matter much because if someone likes you and they're into you, they're gonna call you regardless.

Anyways, personally speaking I'm a bit stand offish around new people so all my boyfriend got on the first date (which went exceptionally well) was a hug.... and he only got that because he asked. We waited about 2 weeks before we got intimate and our first time together was, um, disastrous. Like it was Vince Vaughn comedy movie bad. Regardless of the unpleasantness, he messaged me a few hours later saying he still wanted to see me and here we are 8 months later. My point is, unless you're dating a Chad who's only going to consider you another number, there's no need to put unnecessary pressure on yourself. When someone is really into you, they're gonna call you; doesn't matter if you had sex on the first date or the fifteenth. If it feels right, do it.


blue 3
As people are saying, it's really about comfort.

My fiance' and I got intimate on our third date. On our first date all we did was kiss. (Best kiss of my life) Anyway we were extremely comfortable with each other and I could tell from the first date that things were different with her.


Like others, it's absolutely about comfort. I've had similar success with sex early on and with waiting. If it's what you both want to do, go for it.


Free Spirit
Staff member
Its all according to the person or people involved. I don't think you can put a set time on it although I don't think I would want to have sex with someone I just met because you really don't know them, the person they are showing you may not be the person they really are. Too many things could go wrong like they decide you've had sex now I own you or you find out they are married. Now if you have known them for a time that might be different, more likely there would be no surprises and they aren't putting up a front.