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How far would you go for a "real" friend?

Dekzper

Registered Member
Life's pretty easy for me now but the 1st half of my life wasn't. So I def know what it's like to not have anything, to be cold, and (especially) depend on my friends. I have some "happy dayz" friends now that are all about them and that's it. But I also have a lot of "real" friends.

For me, a "real" friend is someone that actually cares what's happening and tries to help when they can. It's someone that's there for you and doesn't judge you (unless you're actually doing things that'll f**k ya up).

But my idea of "real" friend got messed up last weekend. 2 guyz were f**king with me and I got in a fight. My friend that was with me backed way off and that didn't help. But now I wonder. Was I being a friend to him? Does a "real" friend put his friends in danger?

Anyway, I'd def like to hear what other people think about "real" friends and anything that's happened with them that made them wonder. :)
 
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Wade8813

Registered Member
But my idea of "real" friend got messed up last weekend. 2 guyz were f**king with me and I got in a fight. My friend that was with me backed way off and that didn't help. But now I wonder. Was I being a friend to him? Does a "real" friend put his friends in danger?

Anyway, I'd def like to hear what other people think about "real" friends and anything that's happened with them that made them wonder. :)
It's hard to judge this based just on what you told us. Did you do something to cause this danger? When your friend backed off, did he expect you to back off as well, and both of you get out of there? Or maybe he's the type of person who normally would help you in that sort of situation, but he just panicked?

(BTW, you should add spaces between your paragraphs to make it easier to read).
 

Dekzper

Registered Member
It's hard to judge this based just on what you told us. Did you do something to cause this danger? When your friend backed off, did he expect you to back off as well, and both of you get out of there? Or maybe he's the type of person who normally would help you in that sort of situation, but he just panicked?

(BTW, you should add spaces between your paragraphs to make it easier to read).
We just had pizza and were getting ready to leave on our skateboards but some guyz drove by (real slow) and they were def hammered. One of them tossed a beer bottle. But they were just mouthing and maybe I shoulda just ignored it but it set me off. I yelled back and they stopped and got out of the car. I thought my friend would be there but he backed off. I think he wet his pants. But no, I dont think he expected me to back off with him. I woulda got slammed but a guy ran out of the cafe and stopped it.

My first impression was hey, that's no friend. But I wonder if I was really being a friend. I mean, I didn't really have to yell back at those guyz. And now it just seems like total fail. I haven't seen my friend since then and I def needa decide how to deal with what happened. That's why I'd like to get input from other members.

Sorry about the paragraph thing. And not explaining the prob well enough.
 

Wade8813

Registered Member
We just had pizza and were getting ready to leave on our skateboards but some guyz drove by (real slow) and they were def hammered. One of them tossed a beer bottle. But they were just mouthing and maybe I shoulda just ignored it but it set me off. I yelled back and they stopped and got out of the car. I thought my friend would be there but he backed off. I think he wet his pants. But no, I dont think he expected me to back off with him. I woulda got slammed but a guy ran out of the cafe and stopped it.

My first impression was hey, that's no friend. But I wonder if I was really being a friend. I mean, I didn't really have to yell back at those guyz. And now it just seems like total fail. I haven't seen my friend since then and I def needa decide how to deal with what happened. That's why I'd like to get input from other members.

Sorry about the paragraph thing. And not explaining the prob well enough.
It seems to me that this is an awkward situation, but that's it. Neither of you were particularly good or bad friends to each other - stuff happened, it didn't turn out quite the way either of you would have liked. That's life.
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
Hm.....very complex. As you said, a real friend doesn't support you unconditionally. In other words, if you are doing things that will harm you a real friend will speak up. So in him backing off, he was saying that he could not support your fight. However, he can't sit and watch you being beat to a pulp either.

If you were an innocent victim in this situation, then he as a "real" friend should have helped to defend you.

Now.....some people are prone to fights. They are hypersensitive, reactive, trouble makers, antagonists, etc. Those that bring it on themselves, and therefore endangering the friends that are with them, then I agree you're not being a "real" friend.
 

Dekzper

Registered Member
Hm.....very complex. As you said, a real friend doesn't support you unconditionally. In other words, if you are doing things that will harm you a real friend will speak up. So in him backing off, he was saying that he could not support your fight. However, he can't sit and watch you being beat to a pulp either.

If you were an innocent victim in this situation, then he as a "real" friend should have helped to defend you.

Now.....some people are prone to fights. They are hypersensitive, reactive, trouble makers, antagonists, etc. Those that bring it on themselves, and therefore endangering the friends that are with them, then I agree you're not being a "real" friend.
I knew I could count on you guyz for some good advice. :) He dropped by tonight and I apologized so everything's cool now.

But yeah, I def think I was being hypersensitive and reactive. Not good. I didn't even know those guyz so they prolly woulda just kept driving if I'd just ignored them. I haven't been in very many fights cause I dont like having to fight. The last time, I had to have an extra appointment at the orthodontist cause I lost spacers and couldn't get them back in.

Anyway, my friend is a year younger than me and I decided it wasn't right to put him in danger when it coulda been avoided. I def wont ever make that mistake again. Thanx for the great advice! :)
 

SlowburnDarkly

Registered Member
Well, think about it like this-- most people will do anything to avoid a fight. Just because you were ballsy enough to defend yourself doesn't mean that he would be, but it also doesn't mean that he didn't care. Some people are cowards, but that doesn't mean he didn't want you to get through it alright. I have friends that I care about and even love, but I'm not diving in front of them to take a bullet. However, if they're in a fight, I will and have helped them out. Some people are just afraid of violence, especially if they've never been in a knock-down drag-out fight.
 

Dekzper

Registered Member
Well, think about it like this-- most people will do anything to avoid a fight. Just because you were ballsy enough to defend yourself doesn't mean that he would be, but it also doesn't mean that he didn't care. Some people are cowards, but that doesn't mean he didn't want you to get through it alright. I have friends that I care about and even love, but I'm not diving in front of them to take a bullet. However, if they're in a fight, I will and have helped them out. Some people are just afraid of violence, especially if they've never been in a knock-down drag-out fight.
Yeah, that's kinda what I got from him tonight. He said what I did was really dumb and he was right. And he's pretty skinny so he prolly woulda got hurt and I DEF DONT want that. And I know his parents and he def woulda got grounded too. So if he's scared to fight, I'm okay with that. I dont really think fighting really helps much anyway. Btw, I'll still jump in if he's ever in a fight. Even more now that I know they'd be fighting someone who couldn't really defend himself.

Anyway, I dont see it as "real friend" anymore. Now I see it as (plural) "real friends" cause now I think it's just that real friends work together and do what they CAN do. Btw, he was def worried about me getting hurt too.
 

SlowburnDarkly

Registered Member
Nah, I respect what you did. You stood your ground and that is ballsy. I don't think about it so much as you putting him in danger as much danger presenting itself and you reacted. You may not want him to get hurt, but you can't always control the actions of others, especially if they're drunk. When I'm drunk, I either want to fight or fuck, and it's taken several guys to hold me back from really hurting people before. I can tell you that if I were smashed and wanted to fight bad enough, I would've done it whether you reacted or not.

But yeah, I understand his position as well as yours. You both trusted your instincts, and sometimes those differ, but it's good you guys can move past this.
 

Dekzper

Registered Member
Thanx. :) Yeah, nobody's perfect so I def dont expect my friends to be perfect. And I'm like, who can say what's perfect anyway? I'd rather have fun than fight, but no way I'd ever back out of a fight. That would just make me an easy target for anyone that wants to slam someone. Btw, I wish you'd been there instead of him cause they prolly woulda ran! :D But yeah, it's history now and we're def still friends. Prolly even more than we were before!
 
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