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How do you tell a friend ...

invisible

New Member
I feel like I'm drifting apart from a friend. We used to spend loads of time together but because I've moved away we've kind of drifted apart. When I first moved (out of two moves so far) it was OK, we still kept in touch regularly but since move number two we haven't really kept the relationship up very well. It started with me being the one to make most of the effort but now that I'm fairly busy I haven't really had time to keep up old friendships.

Now the tables have turned a bit - she still can't talk on the phone but she's on various forums that I'm on (I introduced her to them when we were still best friends) and she's been wondering why I haven't been keeping in touch as often as I did.

She got her dad to phone me (she's 22) and I didn't have much to say to her. Is this friendship worth saving or should I call it a day?

I'm 21, friend is 22 and we have known each other since 2002 (high school). Mum thinks we should call it a day because she thinks friend's parents are looking upon me as being someone to care for friend when they can't (friend has dyslexia and finds it hard to communicate)

Advice? (Sorry for the long post)
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
Whether this friendship is worth the try or not, you are the only one to decide. I think it's difficult for us to value the relationship between you and your friend.
It's true, distance makes people drift apart but it also tests how far the friendship can go.

I stay firm to the thought that true friends never forget each other and will always call each other to ask them how they are doing. True friends always manage to find time for one-another.

I wonder why she got her dad to call you..
 

Dabs

Registered Member
If you want to remain friends, and you feel true in your heart, you do the best you can.
But I will tell you, even tho I am older than you, my 'best girl friend' moved to another state, and we were very close. She was right by my side when I lost my Mother, and she had moved right before I lost my Dad, but she called me and cried and said she wished so badly she could be with me during my difficult time.
But anyway, time does shit to people.
We barely speak anymore. I write her letters, I remember her birthday, I sent her gifts at Christmas, I send her little trinkets every now and then just because I felt like it, because I like doing that :)
But, she never even takes the little step of sending me a text even, saying Thanks. She has changed and I don't know why. We used to talk about everything, she would let me cry when I needed to, and I would listen to her bitch about her husband. But not anymore, we barely text even.
She wasn't even concerned when I was going thru my surgeries and stuff. So, I feel like she is no longer my 'best girl friend'. I say (best girl friend) because my Mother was/is my best friend :)
But I wish you all the best, distance is a cruel thing sometimes.
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
Friendships will have lulls, but I don't think it means it should be a deal breaker. If she is asking why you haven't kept in touch, tell her. Partly you felt it depended on you too much and partly you were busy. I have a friend that has to be the one to reaches out to me in email, but I always respond. The times we get together though (rare), I often cook her dinner, or do other nice things so in my view it balances out. She is super busy with her horses too, and doesn't do much else. I attend her horse shows but outside of that she doesn't share in my interests. So that makes it that we see less of each other.

Do you both still like the same things? You could have a standing day that you always get together weekly, bi-weekly, monthly. I have a friend that we don't do the same things. She camps and is very busy with family, so we get together for coffee every week.

On the other hand, you were 12 when you became friends and now beginning your 20s so I wouldn't be surprised if it fizzled out. Life phases can make a big difference to friendships. You might be a bit sad about it, but new friends will come along.
 

Swiftstrike

Registered Member
Friendships come and go as you get older. It is not surprising especially with location changes. You just have to pick and choose who you want to stay in touch with.
 
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