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"how do you know you are bisexual?"

sunrise

aka ginger warlock
V.I.P.
For the past few years I have known that I like both men and women in a sexual manner. Only a few people I know and trust know, some people were not surprised some were shocked. The thing is though I will freely admit I am a virgin, this is not something I am ashamed of and I don't know why it has never happened it just hasn't.

I got into a conversation with a friend of a friend who asked me that if I had not been in that many relationships and had not had sex how exactly I knew that I felt that way and which way did I feel more strongly, I said it wasn't like that and that the persons sex was not what I focused on but the person themselves.

This lead to a question that has just occurred to me. Why even ask that question? Not in the sense of that it's none of there business but why ask it? "how do you know you gay?", no-one ever asks "how do you know you are straight?", I just wonder why this is? It's like, we have made all this progress but when people ask this question I just feel people may not be entirely accepting, I am not sure, maybe I am off base entirely, I just wondered what your thoughts were :)
 

Jeanie

still nobody's bitch
V.I.P.
I agree that it's a ridiculous question to ask. Unfortunately, it's still one of those things that people might have a hard time understanding if they haven't experienced it themselves. I wish that weren't so, but it is. My hope is that it will change in your lifetime.
 

Unity

Living in Ikoria
Staff member
For the past few years I have known that I like both men and women in a sexual manner. Only a few people I know and trust know, some people were not surprised some were shocked. The thing is though I will freely admit I am a virgin, this is not something I am ashamed of and I don't know why it has never happened it just hasn't.

I got into a conversation with a friend of a friend who asked me that if I had not been in that many relationships and had not had sex how exactly I knew that I felt that way and which way did I feel more strongly, I said it wasn't like that and that the persons sex was not what I focused on but the person themselves.

This lead to a question that has just occurred to me. Why even ask that question? Not in the sense of that it's none of there business but why ask it? "how do you know you gay?", no-one ever asks "how do you know you are straight?", I just wonder why this is? It's like, we have made all this progress but when people ask this question I just feel people may not be entirely accepting, I am not sure, maybe I am off base entirely, I just wondered what your thoughts were :)
The part that I bolded pretty much sums it up; people are naturally attracted to either the opposite, same, or both gender(s). That's just life.

I'm attracted to women, and I know that I'm straight because that's how it's been for me, instinctively and naturally. I'm fortunate enough to have friends that are straight, gay, and bisexual. I know that it's the same way for everyone in that sense.

The reason why it is like this is that even though society has made a ton of progress, it also still needs to make a ton of progress. Change is a slow process when it comes to civil rights (and I do consider proper understanding of the LGBT community and 'gay marriage' a modern issue of civil rights, such as what women went through and what the African-American community went through).

Society as a "creature" is slow to change its structure, even when some of us think that the answer is obvious. Things come into play with these types of changes as well, such as politics & religion.

But thanks for posting on this and getting the GF community thinking, ginock. It's something that's probably come up in conversation before but always needs to be brought up again from time to time.
 

Bliss

Sally Twit
There's a difference between being curious and being gay/bi. The thing is, you might have a sexual experience with someone of the same sex and then realise it's not for you. But then again, if you feel sexually attracted to men then that is a sign.

I'm not saying rush out and find someone to experiment with. I assume you're a virgin out of choice and want to lose your virginity with someone special?
Maybe that someone special could be a man or a woman. You're the only one that knows what feels right for you. Nobody else can answer that.
 

Ilus_Unistus

Registered Member
For me personally, I have never considered any bi actions, I mean I have kissed other females on the lips (well only 1) and it was more in fun than from curiosity. I wont say it was something I hated doing, but at the same time nothing I liked so much either, it just... was?

I have seen females and think to myself how pretty she is or this kind of thing, but not in a way I wish to have sex with her. I have just never seen myself wanting or having sex with another woman, so it is hard for me to relate. But I think in today's society, being bi or gay is as normal as being straight anymore. People are more open and honest with themselves and more accepting of others way of life, so if you are bi or gay, I would feel no shame in it.
 

Starfire86

Registered Member
I could just be that your friend is genuinely curious. I wouldn't chalk it up to more than that.
 

Crouton

Ninja
V.I.P.
I think your friend is probably just curious. Gay/bi people know they are gay in the EXACT same way that straight people know they are straight. They just grow up noticing the same gender... or both.

For me personally one of the biggest factors that let me know I was gay was film and television. When I was in Primary School and High School I would go to class and everyone would be talking about the latest movie or hit TV show of the time. While all the girls talked about the cute guys they liked I just sat their quietly. I realised that I felt nothing at all towards these "cute" guys on the screen yet whenever one of the girls was on I could hardly tear my eyes away.

But I don't think your friend is actually being mean or means anything cruel by what they said. For it straight person it might be a difficult thing to understand and they are just truly interested, without meaning any harm.
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
I am always curious myself about that kind of thing. Just like asking why dye your hair brown, or not have kids, or live in Europe, or wear skirts, or choosing a college. It's conversation.
 

Crouton

Ninja
V.I.P.
I am always curious myself about that kind of thing. Just like asking why dye your hair brown, or not have kids, or live in Europe, or wear skirts, or choosing a college. It's conversation.
I would personally say that's it's not really like any of those things you just mentioned even a little bit. To each their own I suppose. It's much more personal and for some people could be digging into things they struggle with and don't want to talk about. I know that people who ask it would be just curious but comparing a question like that to "why dye your hair brown" is a bit off the scale. You can't even compare those two things at all.
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
The only time when I think about me being a bisexual is putting myself in a man's shoes.
Sometimes, when I see a beautiful/attractive girl, I wonder whether I'd fall in love with her if I were a man.
I also wonder if it's possible to become a bisexual because of her.

But then again, I find it hard to see her with a man's eyes. And that shows I'm just straight.
You don't have to try everything to understand what you're made of.
I don't need to have sex with a female to understand that I'm not bisexual.
I just feel it that I'm not that way.
It's the same as when you feel you are attracted to men but you're married to a woman. Eventhough you've always been married to her, you still fall for men and fantasize about them.
In this case, you don't have to experience with men to understand that you are bisexual, or maybe totally gay.
 
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