How do you deal with death?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Babe_Ruth, Nov 30, 2006.

  1. Babe_Ruth

    Babe_Ruth Sultan of Swat Staff Member V.I.P.

    I just had a lady at my work lose her son, he was my age, I know it affected her a lot because she talked about him everytime she worked. I was wondering how do you guys deal with death? I personally never had anyone really really close to me die, so when it happens I don't know how I'm going to deal with it. But I was wondering what you guys do.
     

  2. Merc

    Merc Certified Shitlord V.I.P. Lifetime

    I've lost two people very dear to me.

    My grandmother at age 5 and my best friend at age 13.

    I don't remember much of my grandmother because I was too young to really grasp it.

    My friend Ivan however . . that was something tough. I can't recall the exact details of how I dealt with it, but I remember the entire day of his funeral. He died in a freak accident at the beach when he jumped into a 5 foot deep hole in the sand he and some friends were building. The sand they had dug up collapsed back into the whole, burying Ivan who was only 4 feet tall and very light for his age. I was told the next day by my mother who had seen the news on TV and his picture on the front page of the paper.

    Of course, I did my share of crying and sobbing. I sat in my room for a good while, wondering why it happened. But after that . . I don't know. It was like I was numb the whole day of the funeral. I don't remember crying, but I'm sure I did.

    I handeled it okay, but I don't know what I'd do if I lost another friend, or God forbid . . a family member.
     
  3. Impaired

    Impaired Guest

    It depends upon the death.

    When my father died of cancer, he had 5 great years after beating lung cancer in his 70s - cancer came back into his brain and killed him.

    He had the best funeral service ever. His death was not the shock that my mother's was. SHe died of cancer a few years after my father. Felt bad, went to the hospital on Thursday was dead within a week, the morning before I flew out to Colorado where she was.

    Even that was easy compared to recent events.

    My little sister's best friend lost her daughter last month to a drunk driver. Vanessa was not quite 20. She was a really remarkable woman, as well as her mom's partner in crime. The two of them were inseparable. The father left when Vanessa was 1.

    It has rocked our whole family.

    I'm 47, both of my parents are dead, all my grandparents, my aunt and several friends, some very young. We lost a wonderful woman Kimberly a couple of years ago - to cancer - she was 30. They had to deliver her baby early to try to treat the cancer - it was too late for her, the baby is fine, born at 7 months, but doing fine. . .but she will never know her mother.

    You deal with it however you can. Friends and family are good things to have around. Giving a shoulder or having one to cry on is a good thing.

    I didn't cry for a couple of years after my dad's death. But one day, it all came bubbling up.

    The best you can do is what we did with my father - we celbrated his life and what he meant and still means to us. Sure, we grieved, but when we talk about him, it is not to moan him being gone, it is to applaud what he was, or how he would love such and such.
     
  4. lavoidgaskins

    lavoidgaskins Registered Member

    I just try to accept it. As long as I have the memories in my heart and mind that’s all I really need. Deep down I know they are finally at peace so I try to accept that. Plus it's a stage of life so there eyes nothing I can do about it.
     
  5. Dr. Fresh

    Dr. Fresh Mmmm.... Lesbians.

    My high school has been going through this very often in the past 2 years. I'm a sophomore at a high school in South east Texas and we've lost over 7 students (all separate), in car crashes, alcohol incidents, freak accidents, suicide, natural causes. It really makes a huge impact on the school and people. I've lost some who were close to me in the past 2 years and it's just not the same. The entire school is just like, down and quiet and so forth. I can't really explain it, but for those of you who know what I'm talking about, you know what I mean. I've also lost my grandmother to brain cancer. It was very heart breaking, though I was young. I really don't remember much, but I do remember that our whole family finally came together as one at the time. Also, my mom has brain cancer as well...(maybe hereditary). She's not the same at all. A TOTALLY different woman. She's not the mother she was before June 2002. It really hurts me daily to see a woman who provided everything for a family of 2 with no supporting father just end everything right then and there. I remember it CLEARLY. It was the day right after school had ended for summer vacation and it was a Saturday. It was a cloudy and drizzling day and I got a call from my mom's work, McDonald's (she was a manager there), at 9 AM, saying that she had a seizure and had fallen. I couldn't believe it, I thought it was a dream and I just shouted no over and over again. It was surreal. Finally, my father (who was there at the time, we lived in Connecticut), got the phone and started talking. He, too, was terrified and just grabbed me and took me in the car. We went to the hospital and spent the night there. The Doctor finally came and said that my mom will be alive, but she has a brain tumor and has brain cancer. Right when this happened, I thought of my Grandmother. I somehow knew this was going to happen. Since that chilly Saturday, life hasn't been the same. (Life's never been all that stable/good for me). My mom who did everything for us was never the same, and never will be. My dad soon ditched us so I had to call my uncle who came to live with us for a bit, then we moved to Texas. Since that day, my mom hasn't worked a single day anywhere, refuses to see the doctor, refuses to seek medication, refuses to do anything and talks to herself all day. She has deteriorated quite a bit in size and has really shrunk. The tumor was removed and cancer was gone (95% of it, actually), last time she went to the Doctor in 2004. She just isn't the same. I think about it every day, how life would be if this one even never ocurred. It really hits my heart with all the losses I've acquired and things I've gone through. Luckily, my mom is still alive, and well, I would say well, but I'm not really sure of her "condition." A powerful, amazing woman brought down by the wrath of brain cancer. My grandmother died that way, I hope my mother can beat it, so far she has beat it for more than 3 years.

    Sorry for this story. I just felt like sharing it and getting it out in the open, I guess. I have many others but this one is the most vivid. How do I deal with losses and change? I don't know, really. I keep things inside and help others. When I help others, it makes me feel better, that's how I cope with my losses. It just gives me a good feeling and overcomes my pain. I also am involved in quite a bit of extracurricular activities and do quite a bit of community service. Through all this, I'm still a good student in school, maintaining all A's and staying in the top 15 of my class, (though I should be higher). You know what I've learned? You can't really expect anything to be a given. You might think something won't ever happen to you. That you'll evade danger and everything will be smooth all throughout life. Sometimes life can be hectic, other times it can be dull, and most of all, life is unpredictable. You can't really predict anything--how long you'll live, where you'll be in 10 years, what you're going to do next Friday. You really can't. You can't take life for granted. It's a precious thing that we have to cherish and control as much as we can, though it is uncontrollable many times. Death is a part of life, so accept it. I've learned that whatever you do in life, where ever you go in life, and so forth, you should always complete everything and live life to the fullest. As we go on, we remember all the times we had together. As our lives change, from whatever, we will always have our memories.
     
  6. oxyMORON

    oxyMORON A Darker Knight

    I really don't have personlal stories except my grandma and our maid for 10+ years, but I was never that close with them.

    I think dealing with deaths that are caused by nature are easier to deal with than deaths by incidents like drunk driving or murder. My grandma died of cancer, which is easier for me to deal with rather than our family maid who got killed by a reckless teen.
     
  7. I know that when I die Jesus will be waiting for me. I personaly don't think theres anything to worry about.
     
  8. deltabtry

    deltabtry Guest

    I have lost a lot of friends and family either by natural causes or sudden and tragic deaths, I would agree it depends how you have lost a friend or family member. You morn the death, pay your respects and continue on with your own life. Never dwell on whether you could have changed the outcome or not, the deceased if they could speak would disagree with this thought. Your life and those who you are close with rely on you and your well being.
     
  9. Vidic15

    Vidic15 No Custom Title Exists V.I.P. Lifetime

    I have lost 2 people who were really close to me, 3 years ago.

    I couldn't cope with their death, i was just like 10 years old, but I knew how hard death can be.

    I cried myself to sleep, as years and years passed, I got over it, but I still can't bear that they are gone.

    I have spent every second of my 10 years with them
     
  10. deltabtry

    deltabtry Guest

    I can definitely feel your loss and anguish, I lost my mother when I was 9 years old, I followed a very similar path as you did. As time passed, I learned to accept that not all things are in our control. None the less I will never forget them, and they will always be in my thoughts.
     

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