He's just not that into you?

Hypnoticmeg

Registered Member
#1
I've been having issues with my boyfriend for some time now and last night seemed to really get me. I need some advice as I'm not sure if this has just become a case of "he's just not that into you" or if he still could love me and act this way....Here's what happened....I was at dinner with my mom who at dinner just told me she has another cancerous mole they found and needs a biopsy. I really wanted to just see my bf but i usually wait for him to call or text as I don't want to seem annoying in the relationship. At about 8:30 he says this:

Him: My head is Thumping. I'm going to bed, goodnight love u.
Me: oh ok
Me: No talk tonight ?
Me: I've kinda been waiting all night so we could talk

Him: I can't talk in my sleep :p

Me:Why didnt you call or txt earlier then ?

Me: Was busy

Me: Too busy to call ? Doing what ?
Me: Just the same thing i was meaning earlier just doesnt seem fair yet again
Me (fyi we had a huge fight the night before): I would have put us first tonight in figuring this out but whatever you were busy doing what you cant tell me ?
Me: and u cant even make the effort to call for 2 min ... says alot
Me (after waiting a while): Hello ? why arent you answering this isnt nice at all ? are you with someone else or somthing why cant you tell me ?
Me: Alright i get it ... thanks alot for the respect.


This isn't the first time he just ignores me like this and at a time like last night (even though he wasn't aware yet) just really made me wonder if I'm wasting my time here. He thinks I am acting jealous and possessive, but I don't think its too much to ask to see your boyfriend more than once or twice a week (when you live literally down the road)....or talk on the phone (he refuses to - will only talk online)

We used to see each other and talk much more often than we do now and I'm just not sure if hes just not interested anymore or if hes changed or lost feelings. He said its because of how I act because I get upset...but I only act that way because he seems to act like he doesn't care anymore... if that makes sense.

Am I acting too crazy/possessive or is it really that hes just not that into me and I should just move on?
 

AnitaKnapp

It's not me, it's you.
V.I.P.
#2
IMO you sound like you're sabotaging yourself a little. You have a terrible day and want to talk to him...but you wait around until he contacts you first...and then you completely bombarded him and didn't stop sending messages, even though he hadn't replied to you yet.

I get really annoyed when I get sent multiple messages without having the opportunity to respond, and will most likely stop responding.

I'm guessing the fight the prior night was about spending time together? My guess is that he is feeling too much pressure from you and is pulling away because he feels stressed out about the relationship instead of enjoying it.

If it were me, I would take a step back and decide if it was worth continuing. If it is...then I would focus on putting the fun back in and stop the serious talk for awhile. If I wanted to message him about something, or call him, then I would. If I needed to talk about something, then I would give him a call and say...hey, I've got some things going on and needed someone to talk to...can we have dinner tonight?

I wouldn't necessarily say that you are acting crazy/possessive, but more on the clingy side. He may just need some space...or he may be done and just doesn't want to do the whole break up thing yet.



BTW...I'm sorry about your mom.
 
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EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
#3
If it were me, I would take a step back and decide if it was worth continuing. If it is...then I would focus on putting the fun back in and stop the serious talk for awhile. If I wanted to message him about something, or call him, then I would. If I needed to talk about something, then I would give him a call and say...hey, I've got some things going on and needed someone to talk to...can we have dinner tonight?
I agree with this.
If you needed to talk to him, you should've let him know.
If you didn't want to become annoying in the first place, then I'm afraid you became annoying when you bombarded him with messages.
On the other hand though, he was very disrespectful towards you, leaving you without an answer.

You've posted several threads showing insecurities about this relationship, and in my opinion you have to think twice about being with him from now on.
If I were him, no matter how annoying my partner got, I'd never ignore him like he did with you.

So, I'm afraid that he's just not that into you. Sounds like he doesn't care anymore and cares less about the fact that he disrespects you that way.

Move on.
 

SmilinSilhouette

Registered Member
#4
My advise would be to not contact him and wait it out. He will contact you. If you want to talk to him about your feelings, wait until you are together. Then ask him in a nice way if he feels the relationship is going anywhere. Listen carefully. If he doesn't call or doesn't want to talk about it then maybe you should consider how much energy you want to put into him. I'm sure there are plenty of other guys that would like to date you.
 

Hypnoticmeg

Registered Member
#5
It's hard to take a step back when he already is for me. I told him about my mom so he knows but didn't show much sympathy. He said he is hanging out with his friends tonight and he will see me Saturday....

I dunno i just feel like someone who truely cared would try harder...
 

AnitaKnapp

It's not me, it's you.
V.I.P.
#6
Well yeah. If he knows about your mom and still chooses to hang out with friends instead, then I would more than likely break up with him.
 

Hypnoticmeg

Registered Member
#7
He said he had already made plans with them before he knew and that he needs time to think about things before we talk about things Saturday.
 

LifeinthePond

Mark ov teh Pond
#8
Well yeah. If he knows about your mom and still chooses to hang out with friends instead, then I would more than likely break up with him.
Agreed.

Even if he is applying the bro's before hoes ethic here, you can't mean to tell me that, even if he does not love you anymore, or want anything to do with the relationship that he doesn't in the least consider you a friend. Sounds a bit douchey, he knows what he wants. And if he truly considered you a friend, if anything, then he'd stand by you right now. It's really not the time for hard feelings and relationship complications. Bite the lip. Your mother may or may not be seriously ill here, and if anything, you could use a friend, someone like him.

I know if I had friends, and they had a sick mom, I'd stand by them.
 

Oooh_snap

Living on the 0th floor
V.I.P.
#9
First off, I wouldn't be in a relationship who won't even talk with me on the phone. The internet is so impersonal. He doesn't have to pay attention, he can get to you when he feels like it, and he doesn't have to make you his number one priority at the time. Hanging out one or two times a week isn't unreasonable. It is good to have time away from eachother.

I agree that he may be feeling more pressure from you than he is really wanting at this point. I don't know how long the two of you have been together, but guys are most definitely going to pull away if the time spent together and the time talking is always negative. Girls see it as trying to fix the problem, but guys see it as nagging and bitching.

Was he ever loving and supportive to you? To me going to hang with his friends is just a truly bad decision, but I would let him know that you felt like he left you in the dust when you really needed support. So I wouldn't break up with him simply for that, but considering the combination of the way he treats you and that; I would. It is easy for him to be selfish, but that isn't what a relationship is about, if he can't compromise, support you, and be there when he is needed, then he isn't worth it.
 

Puck

Registered Member
#10
Yeah, I agree with OS and AK.

If he can't be bothered to give you a call a few nights a week or something, then personally I wouldn't waste my time. To me, that seems suspicious, that he only wants to talk online. Though, I'm paranoid enough as it is, so don't listen to me. He probably just needs some space and by talking to you online, figures he is getting that.

I do agree with Pam about the whole 'you have a problem and want or need to talk to him' thing but don't call him yourself, you wait for him, then get mad when he doesn't reply. He's not a mind reader, he doesn't know that there's a problem and seeing as you had a fight the night before, I can see why. I'm the kind of person that wouldn't be able to just msg or talk to someone the day after a huge fight, so I see where he's coming from.

But, after your last post, mentioning that you talked and he knew about your mum and still chose to go hang out with friends that he already made plans with. That's a no go. You're his girlfriend, his friends should understand that you need him right now and if he's not willing to postpone a hangout with them, something's up.
You need to sit down and talk, face-to-face, with him about this.

I've been in a similar situation and it never ends well. If you just explode at him and don't talk to him, nothing will get fixed. If after you've expressed how you feel and what you need from him at this time, he still doesn't respond or acts the same, then I think you need to consider leaving him behind. You need a shoulder right now and he should be your number 1, no matter what.

Anyway though, good luck with everything. And I'm really sorry to hear about your mum. Sending good vibes to you.