Help - My current life situation

Discussion in 'Advice Board' started by Valentine, Jun 25, 2008.

  1. Valentine

    Valentine New Member

    Hey everybody,

    My 'problem' is fairly simple. I recently turned 18 and feel I have done nothing with my life, haven't done the things you're supposed to have done by the age of 18 basically. The only thing I can be somewhat proud of is that I'm a good student, however, that's something I'd give up in an instant for certain other things (sounds desperate, I know).

    Before I moved here (1,5 years ago) I had plenty of friends and I was a relatively popular guy. I moved here thinking it wouldn't be too bad, considering change is supposed to be good, educational and whatnot.

    I'm in (..trying to think of a good equivalent) what you'd call High School I suppose, and I'm about to start my final year. I've made about 4-5 'good' friends here, all of whom I spend time with when I'm at school (mainly 3 of them, but still).

    The problem, however, is that none of them ever call me. In other words, we've never hung out. And I'm personally way too proud to pick up the phone, I refuse to be that guy, the guy who's always calling being a pain in the ass - the guy nobody really wants around. The reason they don't call is because they've already got their group of friends, which makes things even harder for me.

    This leads to the next problem - girls. I haven't had a girlfriend in forever, and I'm losing my mind. In the past I've met girls by going out with a bunch of friends (and I've already explained how great my friends are :-/). To be honest, I wouldn't give a shit about my so called friends if I had a girlfriend, it would make things a lot easier so to speak.

    As I said earlier, I'm about to start my final year, and unless things change dramatically I'll still be stuck in this ridiculously depressing circle.

    Something that's worth mentioning is that I'm definitely not a bad looking guy, I work out regularly and yeah, I'm well above average so to speak.

    So, what am I supposed to do? Any ideas people?

    (I apologize for my English, I live in Norway which is why my English may not be as good as you'd like)
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2008

  2. Merc

    Merc Certified Shitlord V.I.P. Lifetime

    Your English is just fine, no worries.

    First off, what kind of school are you in? Just public school? I wasn't sure if I detected an undercurrent of . . well, something else.

    Secondly, you're 18. Chill out man! You've got a lot of life ahead of you. You're supposed to be doing only a few things at that age, hanging out with friends and completing school so you've got half of it down! Why be afraid of these new friends? Call 'em! Don't bug yourself with these thoughts of "oh but I don't want to be a loser", those kinds of thoughts are for quitters.

    Also, if you think the girlfriend problem (first off, there is no "girlfriend" problem, you'll have plenty of opportunities, trust me. Hell I'm only 3 years older than you and I know that) will be solved by hanging out with friends and if a girl is more important to than friends (Really? I wouldn't think so) than pick up a damn phone! You're just being apprehensive.

    Stick your hand down your pants and feel around. Got a couple of balls down there? Good, use 'em!
     
  3. Valentine

    Valentine New Member

    Care to elaborate? :D

    Keep in mind that the educational system in the United States differs radically from the one in Norway (and most other countries for that matter). Norwegian law holds private secondary schools to be illegal unless they offer a 'religious or pedagogic alternative', meaning that the only private schools in existence are religious (Christian), Steiner/Waldorf and Montessori schools (there's more on Wikipedia if you're interested (which I doubt you are, but you know :D)).

    And yeah, what can I say, you make some excellent points. I guess I've just never been a fan of being around people who have been together since birth and have millions of 'inside' jokes, it's just awkward and pointless.
     
  4. Boredie

    Boredie In need of Entertainment

    You only need to push yourself in once into the group of friends, once you do that and you're in, you solved the problem that's bugging you.
    Do what Cons said and call these friends. If you are afraid of being the "pain in **** guy" don't be pushy and call all the time.
    Try it out, the way you put it, you can't lose anything from making a couple of calls.
    See their reaction, and go on from there.
    Oh.. and enjoy your life at this stage.. it only gets worse after..
    just kidding.
    Good luck.
     
  5. KidPoker23

    KidPoker23 Registered Member

    can i sig that ****? thats the funniest thing ive heard all year

    and yeah, you have plenty of time ahead of you, dont worry girls will come to you, just hang out with friends and be yourself
     
  6. Bananas

    Bananas Endangered Species

    Hey Valentine,

    I assume you will be attending University next year;

    Uni is where the fun begins, where you will most probably forget all about your secondary school friends(for 10 months of the year), find yourself a girlfriend and have an awesome social life. Keep getting good grades now and you can relax and have fun later.

    In the mean time try and go out and find new friends, join a club or a society, do stuff that interests you and benefits you; be that educational, recreational or just invigorating. You could also try inviting your friends out with you, find something fun to do and invite them. I guess they don't know that you are feeling left out so its up to you to do something about it.

    I would not trouble yourself to much over this. I suspect your best years are yet to come.

    What part of Norway are you from?
     
  7. Bond

    Bond Registered Member

    Mate, your English is brilliant. You must have had a good teacher!

    Don't worry about your "4-5 friends." Call one up and ask if he's free. If he's not try another friend. You'll eventually find a time when they're free to hang out with you. But don't call too much otherwise you might just bug them. Once a twice a week at least would be fine. If they're not free to hang out, chat to them over the phone and they'll think you more of a friend. I know what it's like. Because of my Dad's job, I move house a lot. But I gradually make more friends. You will too. You don't need to worry.

    About the girl problem - sorry, but I really can't help you there! I haven't had a girl friend either! But still you said that you're "not a bad looking guy"! That's better than me!:D Don't worry!! Just keep trying!
     
  8. jack612

    jack612 Registered Member

    I'm sorry, but that really doesn't make any sense. The one who calls his friends to get together is the leader of the group. The leader isn't the one who everyone kisses up to, he's just a cool guy that you want around for some reason. The guy who calls people up is the real thing. Just don't keep calling them like a kiss-up, just call as their friend.
     
  9. SunflowerSmiley

    SunflowerSmiley Registered Member

    Making new friends in an area like that would be very difficult, i would think. Something sort of like that happened to me, but i was luckier in that a friend of mind moved with me and i was able to make friends through her.

    You seem to be sort of introverted and you don't want to bother people by hanging around with them. My advice is that you get to know more people. Meet people online, get a local job, join community projects. The more people who know, the more likely you are to find someone that you will enjoy being around. Also, don't be so self-conscious. Sometimes you need to be the one to call your buddies and arrange a night out or something. It all starts with someone organizing things, yes?

    Anyway, it's true that when your friends have other 'better' friends that it's hard to hang out with them. You know that there is always someone else that your buddies would rather be hanging out with. It is difficult to get know your friends' friends, and inside jokes can make you feel left out, but i think that you need to more open with making conversations with them. Go out as a group and have some fun (an anyway say bowling? ^_^).

    I figure you just need to loosen up a little around people you don't know. I have this problem as well, so i'm speaking from experience. Get to know more people, even online people, and i'm sure that something will come up for you.

    Good luck, and your English is good man :). No worries.
     

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