Help... Family Breaking Up

Discussion in 'Advice Board' started by sssshaun, Jan 6, 2008.

  1. sssshaun

    sssshaun New Member

    Hello, my name is Shaun and im 18.

    About 2 months ago, My mum, my brother and I all found out that my dad had been having an affair for 6months (supposedly, but could have been longer) and my dad moved out with this other women.

    My mum and dad were married for 19years and never has my mum been unfaithful, whereas my add cheated previously, 10 years ago when i was 8 years old. She's finding it so hard to move on with life (im not expecting her to) and she's been to councelling sessions, but it doesn't seem to help. She has lots of good friends that are always there for her, but again, after their gone, it doesn't help her see that life can be good. Sometimes she flips over the smallest of things and takes it all out on me.

    Im doing my best to help and be the 2man" of the family... it isnt working.

    As for my relationship with my dad.... it isnt working either, i haven't fully trusted him from ten years ago and now that he has done it again, theres something inside me telling me that he doesnt deserve another chance.

    The events from 10years ago still haunt me, but my brother didn't know about it because i put him(was 6years old at the time) to bed, to keep him out of it. This means over the years he has been able to build up a better relationship and have more things in common with my dad, while I have never 100% trusted my dad.

    Now, my brother see's my dad and has alot in common... but i dont. My dad has taken me out for coffee's, have a pint etc.... but this isn't what i want, i don't want everything to seem like nothing has happened, and i have told my dad this, and also have told him how i feel about everything. He says he doesn't know what to do with me, but neither do I, i dont know what i want to do with my dad.

    There is one thing i know: I do not want anything to do with his new family, or meet them. They have split up the one thing that means the world to me.

    Theres allot more to say... but im sure your bored of it now, im sorry for having to share all my worries and anger.

    To sum it up. I cant keep my mum or dad happy, and all im trying to do is support everyone. I cant Cope.

    thanks for reading, I hope you can help me slightly, i know theres not a quick fix.
     

  2. Jeanie

    Jeanie still nobody's bitch V.I.P. Lifetime

    I guess I don't understand why you've been told about your dad's affairs. That's not something a child needs to know about his father. What your father did has nothing to do with you, so I hope that you can get past it.

    I feel for your mum, but keep in mind too that your dad is human, no one is perfect.

    I hope that you and your family can find peace soon.

    For what it's worth, you're not the only one who has been through this. Hang in there, hon. ((hug))
     
  3. oxyMORON

    oxyMORON A Darker Knight

    Sounds like your dad just has some commitment issues. He's already broken your trust once. I definitely wouldn't give him another chance.

    I wouldn't try to 'support' your dad necessarily. I just wouldn't make relationships any worse. Stop the bleeding, if you will.

    Instead of trying to patch up the entire family, focus on helping your mom right now because it seems like she's got the worst end of this situation.

    If your brother likes your dad, then leave that alone for now. Don't try to rip him away and drag him onto your side. You have enough things to deal with.

    I can understand if you don't trust your dad, but if he wants you to meet the new folks, do it, out of courtesy. You don't have to be happy about it. Just shake their hands and leave. You don't have to see them ever again.
     
  4. sssshaun

    sssshaun New Member

    I witnessed the arguments when i was smaller and its a hard thing for my mum to hide to be honest.

    thnaks for the comments =]
     
  5. The_Burger_King

    The_Burger_King Registered Member

    You can't let the emphasis go on making sure your parents are happy, you need to take time for yourself sit back analyze the situation and try to get your life on track and find a way to cope with things before it gets too crazy and you don't know which end is up. Let you parents deal with the issues in their lives and try to be there for your mom the best you can, but at the same time don't let it drive you crazy. Also don't let it get to a point where you are the middle man between the 2 of them.
     
  6. Altanzitarron

    Altanzitarron Tamer Of The LOLzilla

    My parents got divorced when I was 7 and from then my mother was always straight up with me, well as straight up as she could be with a 7 year old. I knew all about the affairs he'd had and all the bad things he'd done and I was able to make sense of alot of it despite how young I was. So I think it's important that you know as much about the break up as possible. No matter how painfull it may be it will help you come to terms with whats happened in time.

    Your probably having some mixed feelings of guilt because even though you know you cant trust your dad you still may feel some slight obligation to forgive him just because he's your father. I wouldn't advise you to be forgiving I'd just advise you to be realistic. If you feel theres hope for you and your fathers relationship then its definitely worth giving it a try. If you cant see any hope though then don't force it, you may be better off if hes somewhat a negative force in your life.

    You still have a family Shaun, your mother needs you to keep it together when your around her. Be a mess by yourself all you want but there are gonna be times when you'll have to be strong for her. As for your Brother make sure you don't fall out over your Dad. Respect his attitude towards your father and then hopefully he'll respect yours.

    I'm only drawing from my own experience and no two family break ups are the same and mine happened so long ago it doesn't even enter my head that often. Hopefully in time you'll feel the same.
     
  7. sssshaun

    sssshaun New Member

    thats for all your comments... the closest to being spot on on how im feeling is "altanzitarron"...... could i have a few more bits of advice from people..... please
     
  8. Altanzitarron

    Altanzitarron Tamer Of The LOLzilla

    sssshaun, if you had to pick one thing, the worst thing about whats going on right now what would it be? If you can answer that you may have some idea about how to make a start. One thing at a time is always best.
     
  9. sssshaun

    sssshaun New Member

    well the two main things that are hurting are:

    1) Seeing my mum in bits and breaking down every single day and not knowing what to do appart from be there

    2) My relationship with dad is not good, cant find anything in common to spend time together over, but this shouldn't be the case... i just need a dad there. (ive told him this)

    Thanks for your kind replies =]
     
  10. JjCrazyboy

    JjCrazyboy Registered Member

    I am sorry for all that has happened.
    I think you need to be there for your mother but also realize that you are not going to be able to make it all better. And as for your dad, that is going to take time, a lot of time. If my dad did something like that I could not look at him the same ever again.
     

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