Hated interests.

#1
There was a time in my life where it was all about the music. I would spend countless hours improving my skills as a guitarist so that I may be able to create and perfect my own style. And once I happy with my current level of playing, I would move on to a different instrument so that I will be able to fill the gaps that where missing in my music. And every day I would divide my time practicing equally so that I will maintain a consistent level on the instruments that I wished to play (drums, piano, bass, guitar, vocals). And as a result, within a relatively short amount of time I became a very good and well known musician within my social group, surpassing everyone I know. Gaining a reputation which I still carry to this day: A self thought musical genius. How much of this is true in my opinion? well, I don`t know. I don`t consider myself as a "genius". But perhaps I am. Who knows. Maybe its all a result of my dedication and hard work which often came at the expense of my studies. In any case, I am where I am and that`s all that matters to me. Which brings me to the subject at hand...

Throughout all this time, I have became a subject of envy. Many, if not all, of my musician friends have become extremely jelus of me. Even to the point of hatred. I could sit here tell you stories which you would not even believe. Some have even tried to mimic me to the point of them trying to "reconstruct" my own songs (they werent so great at it, though) or trying to create a style . And someone which used to be a close friend of mine has even entered a well known musical university in order to surpass me. As you can guess, there is indeed a lot of history there. You have no idea...

However, that`s not what bothers me... I am a very intuitive person so its easy for me to be able to read between the line`s (which are so obvious, in this case) and distinguish friend from foe. But what really pisses me off is this...

Everything I have done was in order to create my music. Nothing more, nothing less. I consider everything that came along the way as a beneficial by product. The music I made was not really intended for a wide audience and I would only allow my friends to hear my own music. It was actually kinda funny because even people who knew me for years a player didn`t know that I made music for myself. I was always that guy who wrote music for people. Odd, isnt it? But... that`s not was bothers me... what bothers me is that sadly I am at a point in my life where making music has started to become passionless. I would even go as far in saying that`s its almost somewhat of a burden for me... I am not sure what to do. I tried to solve this problem by joining two bands as a bass player (one of which are in a midst of a promotional campaign and are about to start a tour), and I did that in order to simply play and see if I still like it doing this. Not to mention that now day this whole music thing collides with many of my interests. One of them being money. Unless your a superstar, being a musician doesnt pay well. And sadly, I got bills to pay.

It kills me that I am in this position, having to choose between money, time and music, but I have no choice. One will always effect the other. Well, I guess I wrote enough for today. There is no actual point behind this post (I would be suprized if anyone other them myself has seen what I wrote), I am just bitching about things that dont really concern you. However, feel free to share your opinion about the subject. Dont worry, usually I am friendly.

P.S: This is the first time I am writing here, so please let me know if this post is out of place or is inappropriate for this forum. Thank you.