Hate and Hostility

[Bubbles]

Okay, for the first time, I’m gonna create a serious thread where I’m not an immature mofo or complaining about shit. A few minutes ago, a friend of mine (who I’ve known since the 7th grade) sent me a text message that one of her “girls saw” her boyfriend at the movies with another girl last night. So, I sent her text back, “so, whatcha thinkin?” and this is what I get back: “Im gunna get that bitch. Im gunna find out what time she gets off from her work”
Now, first of all, I wouldn’t just jump to conclusion by just because “your girl” told you that your guy is cheating on you. Sometimes girls just like to start drama for no reason.

But here’s what really bothers me. When we feel betrayed and/or cheated on by our SO, how come we always blame the person who comes between us? Your SO’s the one who made a commitment to you, not the other person. If anyone, she should be mad at her boyfriend. I know that doesn’t really apply to everyone, but I think we’ve all must have felt it at one point or another. I know I have, I wouldn’t go as far as “jumping” someone after work because of it, but I’d still think it. Why do we hold so much hate and hostility towards the other person, isn’t it just better to be alone than be with an alleged cheater? I’m not sure what I should do here. I can’t talk any sense in Janelle because she’s a stupid stubborn ho-bitch, and I have no idea who this other girl is. I mean, if I knew who she was I’d warn her, but I’ve never even heard of this girl before.

Moral dilemmas make my head hurt...

 

[Major]

But here’s what really bothers me. When we feel betrayed and/or cheated on by our SO, how come we always blame the person who comes between us? Your SO’s the one who made a commitment to you, not the other person. If anyone, she should be mad at her boyfriend.

As someone who was very recently cheated on, I can tell you that all my anger was directed towards my SO and not the third party. Maybe it's because I don't know the guy who she cheated on me with, and he probably didn't even know about me. But like you said, it's the SO who made the commitment and it's their responsibility not to cheat.

We had a thread a while back about who is to blame for cheating. Pretty much everyone said the cheater is to blame.

http://www.generalforum.com/dating-relationships/cheating-who-blame-55317.html

 

[PhoenixOverdrive]

Everyone who knows about the relationship is responsible for cheating. It doesn't really matter what bullshit excuses either gives, or even the people who knew about it and didn't try to stop it/tell you.

And these feelings people experience are really embedded biologically. It's that whole 'genetic egotism" thing. We want our DNA passed on and jealously guarded, so some powerful negative feelings kick in the moment your link and intimacy with your 'potential mate' is in danger.

Being cheated on sucks, Echoes. Don't worry though. You'll learn to hate the bitch/bastard and won't even remember why you ever loved her/him. It'll run it's course, and you always end up meeting someone better.

It's not just my experience, but that of most people I've talked about this with. Hang in there and show 'em just how much happier you can be with someone better, and heck even by yourself.

 

[Wade8813]

a friend of mine (who I’ve known since the 7th grade) sent me a text message that one of her “girls saw” her boyfriend at the movies with another girl last night. So, I sent her text back, “so, whatcha thinkin?” and this is what I get back: “Im gunna get that bitch. Im gunna find out what time she gets off from her work”

I can’t talk any sense in Janelle because she’s a stupid stubborn ho-bitch, and I have no idea who this other girl is. I mean, if I knew who she was I’d warn her, but I’ve never even heard of this girl before.

It'd be especially sad if it was completely innocent (like if they were part of a group of friends that all decided to see a movie together, or whatever).

Also, at least try to convince your friend not to do something that might get her arrested. It seems obvious enough, but people don't always think about how it's not worth it to get in trouble over something like that. Also, sometimes getting people to think about the situation and realize that they don't want to do something really stupid will make them reconsider everything.

 

[Doc]

The anger shouldn't be directed at the third party. Sometimes they don't even know that there's a standing relationship. I can understand when someone is angry at the third party but the real issue should be with the cheater. It's their fault.

 

[Hiei]

I think that you should be angry at your partner for cheating on you, but in your situation, I'd have to say that it's because women are stupid. For the most part, women just cannot stand the thought of not having a boyfriend, so they'll be willing to look past everything up to and including cheating on her just so that she can still not be alone. She'll take him back time and time again, because that's just how women are, for the most part, anyway.

Personally, if I were cheated on, I wouldn't be angry at anyone. I'd just leave my girlfriend and move on. No amount of groveling and begging would ever make me take her back. No words or actions could ever heal that kind of a wound.

 

[Bubbles]

It'd be especially sad if it was completely innocent (like if they were part of a group of friends that all decided to see a movie together, or whatever)

This is exactly what I think happened. Some girls have absolute nothing better to do than start shit for no reason. Anyways, I got her number from a friend on facebook, earlier today and left her a voicemail. I just hope she gets it before she gets off work.

 

[Shwa]

Well it's a good thing you're going out of your way to warn this girl love, like stated before it "could" have been just two friends hanging out, it's kinda silly when the opposite sex thinks just because there's another woman/man in the picture they it'll lead to cheating.

But yes, if the situation was just that then I would go after the actual mate instead of the person he/she is with. They were just the envy at the moment when it should have been you yourself, so they really shouldn't have any judgement towards their actions. Most couple dont usually say "oh btw Im in a relationship, etc" when cheating. They just do it for the fun.

~Shwa

 

[Daemonic]

That's just stupid, if I was dating someone that threatened a friend because we had gone to a movie.....

There would no longer be a relationship when I was finished with her.

 

[ysabel]

I think that you should be angry at your partner for cheating on you, but in your situation, I'd have to say that it's because women are stupid. For the most part, women just cannot stand the thought of not having a boyfriend, so they'll be willing to look past everything up to and including cheating on her just so that she can still not be alone. She'll take him back time and time again, because that's just how women are, for the most part, anyway.

I agree with Hiei here but I'd go as far as include men too. People who get cheated on and lash out more at the 3rd party simply don't want to be left by the cheater. It's easier to get angry at someone you don't care about being out of your life. Logically, the hostility should be towards the partner who has promised to commit to you. Although I should say that in your scenario, even if it was directed on the cheating bf, the "anger plan" is a bit overboard.

On the other hand, if the 3rd party is a close friend who knows of your relationship, I can also understand feeling just as betrayed as with the significant other.