Hard to tell

#1
Hello, all! I am new to this site. I was looking for a place to get some opinions.

I live with my boyfriend. It is my house, and I let him live with me. He is unemployed and unable to help pay any expenses. I ask him to do the dishes in return. While I am at work, he smokes and plays around on the computer. I'm okay with this for the most part.

I have recently begun to think that he is less mature and less responsible than I originally thought. He rarely looks for a job, and when he does, it's a half-assed search in my opinion. I got home from work yesterday and wanted to watch TV. He was playing a PC game and didn't like the idea of me watching TV, because then he gets distracted by it. I even turned the volume down pretty low while he wore headphones, and he said he was still distracted. I feel like he's tryig to guilt-trip me for wanting to watch my own TV when I get home from work! It's my computer that he's using, too, for the record. He finally gives in and "lets" me watch TV while his game is paused.

I am not unreasonable for thinking that he needs to get over it and let me watch TV, am I? I mean, he plays games constantly!!!! I feel like he is being selfish. I often accomodate his playing, even if he's already been playing all day. This is just one example of what is going on.

As far as affection goes, I'll just say that it is lacking. I've done stuff for him that he has not done for me (we've been going out almost a year.) he claims that he wants to, but time and time again, he passes up opportunities. I shouldn't have to demand services from him. Why can't he just do it when the occasion seems right?

I really do like him a lot. We get along very well and enjoy each other's company. These kind if things are starting to drive me crazy, though. I'm going to bring this up when I get home tonight, but I would appreciate any outside opinions.
 
#2
From your post, he sounds like a loser that needs either dumping or a kick up the backside. He's dragging you down and walking all over you, I hope you can see that!

Obviously I don't know your relationship or how you guys interact aside from the problems that you mentioned, but it really doesn't sound worth it to me.

Welcome to GF, btw. :)
 
#3
I don't know that he's necessarily walking all over me, but dragging me down a bit I can agree with. I don't want to dump him, but I might have to if he doesn't realize what's going on. I almost think he is just too comfortable and can't see things from my point of view. I have expressed to him multiple times about how I am paranoid of being taken advantage of, because it's happened in the past more than once. I wish I knew how to put this in perspective for him. Thanks for the reply :)
 

Kibi

Babeasaurus Sex
#4
Hello, all! I am new to this site. I was looking for a place to get some opinions.

I live with my boyfriend. It is my house, and I let him live with me. He is unemployed and unable to help pay any expenses. I ask him to do the dishes in return. While I am at work, he smokes and plays around on the computer. I'm okay with this for the most part.

I have recently begun to think that he is less mature and less responsible than I originally thought. He rarely looks for a job, and when he does, it's a half-assed search in my opinion. I got home from work yesterday and wanted to watch TV. He was playing a PC game and didn't like the idea of me watching TV, because then he gets distracted by it. I even turned the volume down pretty low while he wore headphones, and he said he was still distracted. I feel like he's tryig to guilt-trip me for wanting to watch my own TV when I get home from work! It's my computer that he's using, too, for the record. He finally gives in and "lets" me watch TV while his game is paused.

I am not unreasonable for thinking that he needs to get over it and let me watch TV, am I? I mean, he plays games constantly!!!! I feel like he is being selfish. I often accomodate his playing, even if he's already been playing all day. This is just one example of what is going on.

As far as affection goes, I'll just say that it is lacking. I've done stuff for him that he has not done for me (we've been going out almost a year.) he claims that he wants to, but time and time again, he passes up opportunities. I shouldn't have to demand services from him. Why can't he just do it when the occasion seems right?

I really do like him a lot. We get along very well and enjoy each other's company. These kind if things are starting to drive me crazy, though. I'm going to bring this up when I get home tonight, but I would appreciate any outside opinions.

Oh crikey!

Chick I had the same prob with a guy I was seeing a while back.

I think part of the problem is you moved in together before laying down the rules and if he isn't paying you enough attention (or respect imo) then you deffinately need to give him an ultimatum.

It's always hard to deal with these things but do NOT let him tell you that you're wrong to feel these things.

I really hope it gets sorted out for you. Is there anyway he can move out until he gets a job...?

Good luck xxx
 
#5
Yeah, the moving-in part happened before I was ready, but I was hoping that things would work out. I told him once that he'd need to move back in with his mom until he could contribute, and he became upset (crying upset, not angry). I do prefer having him there, so we compromised with him doing the dishes. That's a good deal for both of us, really. I don't know that he was spoiled, but I get the feeling that he does not know what it means to work for something (like my house and just about everything in it). I have to keep in mind that it is not wrong for me to feel this way. Thanks!!
 

AnitaKnapp

It's not me, it's you.
V.I.P.
#6
Wait a minute...all he has to do is the dishes? Can I move in with you? I'll do all the housework if you let me play games 24/7.

The watching TV thing distracting his gaming made me laugh. It's pretty crappy of him to make you feel bad for relaxing in front of the TV when you've been at work all day, and he's been playing games all day.

His behavior is extremely unreasonable. Sounds like he's a little too addicted to gaming.

Here's the problem though. You're having to lay down the law, so to speak...because he's not responsible enough to do things on his own. Do you want to mommy him and always have to tell him what to do? It gets really old after awhile. Sounds like this guy needs to live on his own, by himself for awhile...until he learns how to do things on his own.

If you want to continue dating him, then IMO you should have him move out. He obviously doesn't want a job or responsibility at the moment, so maybe some time with mom would do him some good.
 

Puck

Registered Member
#7
Wait a minute...all he has to do is the dishes? Can I move in with you? I'll do all the housework if you let me play games 24/7.
Yeah, this is a bit much. If he's not working and not even trying to look for a job, he should have more responibilities around the house. You shouldn't even have to ask, he should just do it. But, seeing as he's not, a few ground rules need to be laid out.
Gaming all day and then monopolising your computer when you get home and trying to control your TV watching is extreme, especially when it's not his house, nor his applicances. I could see if he was working and had just gotten home from a day of working aswell. But as he hasn't, he needs to be kicked off the computer when you get home and either spend time with you or not complain about what you want to do when you get home, especially because you're the one that's paying for what he's using.

I just find it really surprising that he thinks he can get away with doing nothing all day and then having the balls to tell you to turn the TV down while he's playing a game, of all things.
That's just my opinion though.
 
#8
He was living with his mom for a while before living with me. I know this will not help. His mom is almost certainly part of the problem (she gives him a little bit of money.) I hate this situation, because it really does force me to have to bringthe hammer down like a parent or something. I'm not a parent for many reasons, and one of them is that I am a terrible authority figure and I don't want him to see me as that. I didn't go out with him to take care of him. I suppose some kind of ultimatum is in order, but if I screw it up, I will think I messed up something with potential.

To Anitaknapp: I have an extra room, laundry to be done, lots of cleaning, and maybe some dishes depending on how this works out, so I might have to take you up on that. I warn you that I am kinda messy!!
 

Tucker

Lion Rampant
#9
This is eerily identical to my middle son's girlfriend's story, except for the fact that they've lived together five years and he's worked about a month of it without even schooling or disability as an excuse. Now she's finally had enough and she's given him until August to shape up or ship out. Obviously, I don't know you or your boyfriend well enough to necessarily draw a complete parallel (for all I know, he could be suffering from depression, to name just one example). I do think, though, that if there's no change in the near future you might do well to at least remember that you always have the same option she took.
 
#10
I am curious as to how other people handle living with their significant other, money-wise. Do you have them pay half of everything? What if you haven't been dating long?