>>
>> > OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR WOMEN:
>> >
>> > 1) Pull into to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000-miles
>>since the
>> > last oil change.
>> >
>> > 2) Drink a hot cup of coffee and relax.
>> >
>> > 3) 20-minutes later, write a check and leave with a
>>well-maintained
>> > vehicle.
>> >
>> > MONEY SPENT :
>> > Oil Change $20.00
>> > Coffee $1.00
>> > TOTAL: $21.00
>> >
>> > - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
>> > OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN:
>> >
>> > 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case
>>of oil,
>> > filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree; write
>>check for
>> > $50.
>> >
>> > 2) Go by Qwik-Stop and buy a case of beer; write a check for
>>$20.00,
>> > drive home.
>> >
>> > 3) Drink a beer to "get started."
>> >
>> > 4) Jack car up. Spend 30-minutes looking for jack stands.
>> >
>> > 5) Find jack stands under son's go-kart.
>> >
>> > 6) In frustration, have another beer.
>> >
>> > 7) Place drain pan under engine.
>> >
>> > 8) Look for 9/16" box-end wrench.
>> >
>> > 9) Give up and use crescent-wrench instead.
>> >
>> > 10) Unscrew drain plug.
>> >
>> > 11) Accidently drop drain plug into pan of hot oil, splashing
>>hot oil on
>> > you in process.
>> >
>> > 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and
>>arms.
>> > Throw kitty litter on oil drops.
>> >
>> > 13) Drink another beer while watching oil drain.
>> >
>> > 14) Spend 30-minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
>> >
>> > 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through
>> > oil filter and twist off.
>> >
>> > 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter
>> > splashing hot oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old
>> > oil filter among debris in trash can to avoid environmental fee.
>> > Drink a Beer.
>> >
>> > 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to
>>finish oil
>> > change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
>> >
>> > 18) Sunday: Skip church because, "I gotta finish the oil
>>change." Drag
>> > pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil
>>in hole
>> > in backyard instead of taking it to be recycled, and avoid
>>environmental
>> > fee.
>> >
>> > 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
>> >
>> > 20) Drink a Beer? No,......... drank it all Saturday.
>> >
>> > 21) Walk to Qwik-Stop, buy more beer.
>> >
>> > 22) Install new oil filter, making sure to apply a thin coat of
>>oil to
>> > gasket surface.
>> >
>> > 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
>> >
>> > 24) Suddenly remember drain plug from step 11.
>> >
>> > 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
>> >
>> > 26) Recall that the used oil is buried in a hole in the backyard
>>--
>> > along with drain plug.
>> >
>> > 27) Drink Beer.
>> >
>> > 28) Shovel out hole and sift through oily mud for drain plug.
>>Re-shovel
>> > oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kid's sandbox to cleverly
>>conceal
>> > oily patch of ground and avoid environmental fee. Wash drain
>>plug in
>> > lawnmower gas.
>> >
>> > 29) Discover first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
>>kitty
>> > litter on oil.
>> >
>> > 30) Drink Beer.
>> >
>> > 31) Crawl back under car, get kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes
>>with
>> > oily gas rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent
>>wrench
>> > tightening drain plug rapping knuckles on sharp edge of frame.
>> >
>> > 32) Bang forehead on exhaust manifold in reaction to step 31.
>> >
>> > 33) Cussing fit.
>> >
>> > 34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
>> >
>> > 35) Cuss for additional 10-minutes.
>> >
>> > 36)......and drink Beer.
>> >
>> > 37) Clean up hands and head, and apply bandages to stop blood
>>flow.
>> >
>> > 38) Drink Beer to stop pain....
>> >
>> > 39) ..Ditto.
>> >
>> > 40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
>> >
>> > 41) Drink Beer.
>> >
>> > 42) Lower car from jack stands.
>> >
>> > 43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
>> >
>> > 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil
>> > from steps 23 - 43.
>> >
>> > 45) Drink Beer.
>> >
>> > 46) Test drive car.
>> >
>> > 47) Pulled-over and arrested for DUI.
>> >
>> > 48) Car towed and impounded.
>> >
>> > 49) Call loving wife; make bail.
>> >
>> > 50) 12-hours later; bail out car.
>> >
>> > MONEY SPENT :
>> > Parts $50.00
>> > DUI $2,500.00
>> > Towing Fee $175.00
>> > Impound Fee $75.00
>> > Bail $1,500.00
>> > Beer $40.00
>> > TOTAL: $4,340.00
>> >
>> > BUT , YOU KNOW THE JOB WAS DONE RIGHT ! ! !
>> >
>
>