Y'know me...well some of you won't, but those that do know i can find some good jokes sometimes; so here's a few. Beer and Wine vs Water To my friends who enjoy a glass of beer or wine.. and those who don't. As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember: Water = Poop, Beer/Wine = Health Therefore, it's better to drink beer and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service. Captain and First mate A first mate rolls a keg of rum onto the ship and the Captain asks: ''Where did you get that keg?'' "From a wench, Cap'n." "And why would a wench give you a keg of rum?" The Captain asked. "Well sir, i was colletcing supplies when i saw this wench with this keg, she grabs my hand, takes me and the keg behind a house, strips down naked and says 'take anything you want'." "You did right." The Captain praises. "You'd never fit into those clothes." Vet school First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet school were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body.' For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the but of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. 'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anl opening of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. 'Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid.'