Good Health Infromation!! (very funny - joke only)

Shrek

Registered Member
#1
Good Health Infromation!!

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these. Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.

Beef is also a good source of field grass, a green leafy vegetable.
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.


Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal or mineral, so that only leaves one thing, right?
My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your vegetables.


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.,


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good.


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans. another vegetable!!! "It's the best feel-good food around!"


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie...

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From: GigglePedia.com
 

Mirage

Administrator
Staff member
V.I.P.
#2
That was pretty funny. Of course you know that the more you exercise your heart the stronger it will get which means more beats in the long run. Your way is an interesting way of putting it though. I've often wondered that myself. :D

Good stuff.
 
#4
Hilarious!

A sense of humor is healthy in itself. The subjects of health and fitness all too often are addressed with too much seriousness, leaving many people intimidated or discouraged. It's good to lighten up sometimes.

Being realistic, we all need to improve our overall wellness and nutrition, instead of merely engaging in the kind of magical thinking that says that we should starve ourselves for a few weeks and expect suddenly to become healthier.

Fun can come hand-and-hand with working out. Anyone who has seen the Olympics knows that there are a ton of different sports out there to play, and at least one of them should be enjoyable to someone. Who knows, it could be something as kooky as the curling that one normally sees only during the Winter Olympics.

It just takes an open mind and a willing heart to try new things.
 

Van

Heavy Weapons Guy
V.I.P.
#7
Haha, I wish i was witty enough to come up with stuff like this. I'll have to start putting these things into practice.